Saved (Part Two)
by akanamilas
Summary: "I never imagined that when I finally managed to live, it would be when I died." A story following the lives of two women who's paths intersect under mysterious circumstances, and who end up being thrown forcefully into the worlds of two hopeless men. (Part Two)
1. A New Beginning

PART TWO

"Oh God, are you okay?!" A woman's voice exclaimed loudly. I couldn't even muster up the energy to twitch in reply. "Please don't be dead!" If there had been enough breath left in me I would have laughed, but there wasn't enough. I was just too tired.

"She's fine, let her sleep." A much lower voice answered and I drifted off in a land of black, coming in and out of consciousness. Every time I woke up I felt just a little bit better, though; just a little bit more awake, less pained.

I drifted in a warm sort of blackness, well, more of a darkness. Like I was covering my eyes at night, not quite dead black, but dark enough. A pleasant sort of drifting, as if I was just relaxing in the perfect hot tub, and somehow able to breathe under the water easily. It was rather nice and when I felt a tug pulling me back to earth I was rather reluctant to go.

"Come on, it's time to wake up." That same calm, collected, authoritative voice said. I sighed and then dragged open my crusty eyelids, blinking in discomfort.

"What time is it?" Was the first question I asked, oddly enough. Not a inquisition about where I was, or what happened or the date, just the time.

"It is ten in the morning on Sunday, November 12th." The woman answered, my eyes finally focused in on the rather short woman standing across the room. I had only met her once, but I did remember that her name was Genkai. Such an odd name, but I could handle that. I had a weird name too, my parents were foreigners, so I had a foreigner name. I couldn't compete with the woman's oddly pink hair though, mine was just blond.

Blond hair, blue eyes, medium height, a true, stereotypical foreigner. I still didn't quite have the Japanese accent down.

"Wow, no wonder I feel so well-rested." I finally said after clearing my throat multiple times in an effort to speak correctly. "How long have I been asleep?"

She turned toward me with a raised eyebrow and chuckled.

"Three days." She said, I winced and then sighed and shifted to push up onto my elbows so that I could sit up. Lying around was making me antsy, I couldn't handle just lazing there like some sort of lump of cheese.

I'll get moldy or something.

That's when a horrible pain flared in my arm and I remembered. My other, shaking arm collapsed under my weight and I lay there for a moment just gasping in pain and trying to clarify my memories of what had happened to me; of what had sent me to this bed. I also had to find the courage to look over at my right arm.

I steeled my stomach and looked to the flaring pain. I don't know what I expected, some blackened limb, or a horrible cut, but what I found was nothing.

Nothing at all.

My eyes widened.

"Wh-wh-" My voice shook as I felt an odd haze come over my mind; a sort of detachment from what was happening. Perhaps it was shock, perhaps I couldn't comprehend what had happened to me, but I knew one thing; I could never forgive whoever had done it.

—

I don't what it is about men and being excessively dumb, but that's how it all seemed to fall into place for me. It took Genkai a solid two days to calm me down after I realized what had happened. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around the problem. When I tried to reach over and fix it with magic the old lady got extremely angry at me and told me that it would kill me if I tried.

I started to learn about her compassion underneath that gruff exterior; but deep in my stomach I still burned with mounting anger at whoever had caused the loss - the loss of my right arm. Just getting up was hard, I had learn to roll over my dominant arm and push the rest of me up with my left. It threw my balance off and at first I found it hard to walk without the other arm to steady me.

I definitely couldn't write. When I tried to switch hands it was a nigh unreadable chicken scrawl. Years later I would find my first attempts funny, but all I could do was feel incredibly frustrated. If I couldn't even write, how was I supposed to be able to pull out a sword? I wasn't allowed out of the room though and so I couldn't go get my sword, wherever it was. I could feel it, tugging, calling to me.

A true swordsman's sword is irreversibly connected to them, an extension of their arm, a second soul. It actually bothered me that I didn't have it as a constant companion by my side. I felt disturbed, lonely. That feeling was highly foreign to me; I had never felt truly lonely before. I liked being alone most of the time, but not this time.

Then one day I woke up and found myself unable to breathe.

"G-Gen-" I tried to gasp, choking as a horrible, burning pain spread over my limbs. My stump throbbed in time with my heart, sending waves of fire everywhere. I flopped like a fish out of water, my vision fluctuating with darkness. I was about to lose consciousness, this I knew; and that was my last thought before collapsing.

—

"What the fuck happened?!" A man's voice yelled, bursting with anger. That's what woke me up and let me tell you, I do not like being woken up with yelling.

"Obviously a bond was made." A familiar voice answered. Genkai.

"That's impossible, she's human!" The masculine voice snapped. I frowned, annoyed, but then noticed something odd. That empty feeling had gone away, I felt whole again, complete; no longer lonely.

"Well, then something must have happened to cause that to change because I bet that I'm not the only one who can see demon energy on her!" She growled. My eyebrows rose, who were they talking about?

"Yeah, mine. What's it doing there and don't give me that bond crap. I know demon bonds, they don't cause intense pain when I walk out of the house!" He yelled, I groaned, trying to open my eyes and the two voices abruptly stopped. I blinked, finding two people in the doorway. One being Genkai, the grumpy old lady that she was, and the other a much taller male.

He dwarfed Genkai and was taller than me with glowing red eyes and pitch black hair with odd-looking white bangs. My brain practically short-circuited as I recognized him. Hiei. I also recognized him as one other thing.

The man who cut off my arm.

"You asshole!" I screeched, leaping out of my sleeping position straight at him. "What did you do to me?!" I yelled, finding it odd that he didn't move to evade me, I found that I wasn't going to change course either. It was like he had expected my reaction, welcomed it even. Why?

I stopped short of his face and then reached out and grabbed his neck instead of punching him. Whatever words I was going to say died in my mouth as heat prickled over my skin, I could feel fire, not unpleasant, just hot, everywhere. It was one of the weirdest moments of my life and I could tell by Hiei's expression that he was not exempt from it. I wondered if he felt fire or something different. Thoughts of killing him fled my mind for that one moment.

Then that moment ended.

I ripped my hand away from his skin as if it had burned me, oh, a pun, and took a jerky step away.

"What did you do?" I whispered, horrified. All I wanted to do was step closer again, it felt like I was removing myself from something of vital importance, something I had to have. He didn't answer me, just stared at me with a sort of blank look, not the glare I would come to get used to.

"Your spirits are attached." Genkai said simply. I stared at her in shock. Of course I had heard about spirit bonds, but they were incredibly rare and did not happen between just anyone or at just any time. I remembered the trial though, I remembered this dark man slicing my arm of with a cold glance and I remembered being so scared - so scared that I was going to die.

I couldn't remember much of anything after that, but perhaps that was it. The connection was made then. My eyes flickered to the cold being standing only feet away and then I came up with a really brilliant idea that I knew that I just had to do. How strong was the bond? Did I have convulsions because he simply walked away. I knew the perfect thing to mix testing the strength of this thing between us and how to get out my anger.

A second later I hauled off and slapped him.

—

**A/N: WHAT IS THIS YOU ASK?! It's an update! I hope you're excited, you guys, because this took a lot of sweat and blood and work on my part! SO, this is the beginning of part two! And yes, this is a different character. Give her a chance, trust me, she'll grow on you. Have a great night, my dear readers! I love you all**


	2. Is Something I've Always Wanted

**Thank you to my wonderful reviewers! This is my wall of awesome and all of you beautiful people get a designated spot for pausing long enough in your busy day to leave a review!**

**Thanks To: Kaori Minamino, nevi, SultanaV, and Dropkick Sunday for their lovely reviews.**

**You guys rock! And of course, thank you for all the favorites and follows, I didn't expect this story to get such a positive reaction and I'm excited that the last chapter did. So, here is the promised update!**

**Cheers!**

—

My face pressed against the wall as I sighed, tired and more then somewhat irritated. After slapping Hiei I had come to the unpleasant realization that I could feel the slap as well and that just irritated me hugely. I couldn't hurt him without harming myself, that was just backwards. He was a horrible guy, he deserved to get slapped.

Well, at least he deserved to get slapped in my opinion. I didn't really know what his normal personality was like, but seeing as he was willing to cut off a dedicated swordsman's arm without a bat of an eyelash, then I bet that he was a pretty big asshole; but that was just my assumption.

Really, I would much prefer to have proof of that and then hate him truly and deeply. A true, loving hate. It would be glorious.

With that I stood up straight, taking a deep breath and feeling much better. It would only occur to me later on that I would be stuck with him because of the bond. I would hate the person that I would have to be attached to for life.

Thinking so hard was not a tendency of mine at the time. Anyway, so I know what you're all wondering then. How did he react? Oh my God, he was pissed. So angry! I didn't know that someone could get that angry but apparently I was proven wrong because I honestly thought that he would take off my other arm and then my legs just to be thorough. It was rather terrifying, but I was too busy being in-between appalled at my own pain and laughing at his.

Though I think that I didn't really even hurt him, if you ask for my personal opinion. Not that anyone did, I was just pointing it out. I had a strong arm, but hurting him was probably out of my league. I knew from prior knowledge that he was far more powerful then I was.

Heck, the fact that he got so angry surprised me. The slap stung (me) but it wasn't even with my dominant arm; because the resident asshole chopped it off, which I had imagined that I was taking rather well, so shouldn't i have been the one getting angry.

I wasn't though, in fact I was more bemused then anything else. He had just taken my only purpose in life away from me, had he decided to stab me through the heart I might have laughed.

Okay, so maybe I hadn't taken my loss as well as I had imagined. What can I say? Every single time I looked up I remembered another thing that I couldn't do anymore. If I picked up my sword would it just be a hunk of metal or still an extension of my arm? Would I even be able to?

Well, it's not like I had never practiced with my left arm, but I might not have the important part of it all anymore. I might have no longer had the skill to wield my blade and that thought darkened every moment considerably.

After my realization of what was happening I went to bad, locked the door to my room and wouldn't leave. Genkai brought food, but said nothing about my inappropriate use of her house. As the days passed my thoughts got progressively darker and I lost the will to do much of anything. Even food was starting to taste like ash. I felt like the world was losing color.

"Dinner." Genkai's gruff voice murmured through the door. My arm was folded behind my head as I stared at the ceiling and tried not to scream in discomfort.

"I'm not hungry." I answered calmly, voice not betraying my increasingly loud emotions. It felt like I was going to explode.

"You're eating." She said simply and I glared at the ceiling, pretending that I was shooting daggers at her face.

"I'm. Not. Hungry." I enunciated, wanting her to just leave me alone.

"Too bad, you haven't eaten in two days." She snapped and the door slid open. I continued to stare dutifully at the canopy of white above me, completely ignoring both her and the food.

I didn't want to eat it, that was the truth not a lie. I meant that. Just the smell induced the urge to vomit. I didn't say anything, just inspected the white paint above me, counting out how many chips i could see. There were more then I had expected. It must have been put on more recently then I had imagined.

The back of my head screamed.

Well, based on the color and number of dings then I would get on a year or two before it had been repainted. Well, it looked nice regardless, I was quite enjoying the process.

"Angel." She said. Perhaps that's what set me off, but I was suddenly pulled back down to earth, everything becoming so crystal clear in just one moment that I couldn't stand it. It was gone. My right harm was gone and there was nothing I could do about it.

"It's gone." I swallowed, trying to control my suddenly surging emotions. I wanted to cry, even though I had made it two weeks without a tear. "Wh-what am I supposed to do?" I gasped, voice quivering in a rare moment of vulnerability and sadness.

Big, fat tears welled in my eyes and my stump twitched. It just heightened my sadness. I was going to scream, explode, I couldn't handle the beating tide of emotions.

"Start with eating dinner." Genkai said, looking at me with her simple gray eyes. My eyes drifted down to a steaming plate of food. Chinese, my favorite, and somehow this woman who I, honestly, barely knew had chosen it. Thoughtful, forgiving, perhaps she was trying to get a point across. A gleaming fork sparkled at me invitingly and I slowly pulled the food over, picking up the fork.

Then I saw the wooden sword.

My arm froze as I stared at it, eyes wide, face shocked. I wasn't certain what to do. Do I reach out and pick up the practice sword or do I reject the offer. I deliberated and then my fork continued to descend and I slowly at my food. The offer went unmentioned that night.

—

I collapsed onto the bed, exhausted after another long dinner with Genkai. As my thoughts grew darker our conversations grew drier and now I barely even spoke. The woman wasn't exactly a talkative person either, so she wasn't really offering up conversation ideas. I didn't mind silence usually, but somehow the quiet was more awkward then anything else. A weight hung over it, the elephant in the room, so to speak.

We both knew what should be mentioned, but neither of us wanted to broach the subject of the innocent sword by her hip or the arm missing just off of my right shoulder.

I was frustrated to say the least. The entire night passed with me lying on my bed, thoughts growing slowly more murderous. I began to concoct increasingly sadistic ways to kill Hiei as the evening wore into the early morning.

I just couldn't close my eyes without seeing his cold eyes staring blankly at my incinerating arm. I couldn't even remember it hurting, really. I could only remembering staring in horrified shock at the stump as copious amounts of red pumped out onto my shirt. Fresh, metallic and hot, inducing an urge to scream.

I was hyperventilating, finding it hard to get in enough air. Hyperventilation is a very odd thing, some seem to think that it's easy to control and that whoever is doing the action is simply trying to get attention, but you really can't control it. You're trying to breath and it just keeps coming in until you're gasping.

It a horrible experience and not highly suggested. Very unpleasant. Not as unpleasant as burning though. Have you ever just slightly burned yourself? You know, just a burned finger or maybe you stepped on a hot coal or something? Just a small burn hurts so much, you can't put it in the shower for a week.

I definitely remember what happened next. Perhaps more clearly then I really want to. The bleeding had to stop somehow as I was finding it harder to stay warm. I couldn't really feel my hands and feet and my limbs were also starting to go rather numb. Feeling came back with such a vengeance that I was screaming and writhing, trying to stop the horrible burning. He was cauterizing the wound, burning it close, but I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, I could only scream in agony.

It hurt more then anything I had ever felt. It hurt more then losing the actual arm. My horrified eyes rolled around wildly, then locked onto his. The flames flickered in them, making him look even more demonic and otherworldly then he already did.

That was what I saw, those flickering eyes staring coldly down, the flames reflected in them and yet it didn't melt the ice that I saw there. He used fire and yet seemed to be made of ice from the inside out. So cold that he burned.

I dreamed of murdering him.

He closed the wound, but I couldn't understand why. Did he want to torture me as much as possible? Was he trying to make certain that I would have to live with the loss of my one meaning of life? I couldn't even imagine picking up a sword again.

Somewhere inside of me a fear began to grow. I could feel the bite of my own sword in my nightmares. I saw it turn on me, slicing me to pieces. Burning icy eyes staring the entire time, not a single expression in them.

I was startled awake by those dreams after somehow managing to fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning. I was by the door, shivering cold and facing away from the window. My joints were creaky and tired and tense. I slowly stretched, shivering from what I explained away as the cold, but I knew that it was actually the after-effects of my dream.

I opened my eyes slowly after turning over to face the window and the line of jumbled thoughts came to a complete stop. Every murderous thought came to a stop, every grimace, every hateful comment. I blinked and crawled from the window to the sliding paper door that led onto a porch outside of my room. I only slid it open a tiny bit and peeked through, watching quietly.

A wash of colors crept across the horizon, bathing everything in a cool, fresh ambient glow. The cool air swept over my arms, bringing up goosebumps, but now my shivering truly was from the cold, not fear. There he was, looking rather quiet and peaceful, not snarky or mad or chilly, just peaceful. I couldn't almost detect a slight smile on his face, but that might have just been the light talking. Hiei smiling was like… a cause for the apocalypse or something. It wasn't possible.

At least, I didn't think so. Perhaps you would disagree. Anyone? Yeah, I know. The truth is that it just doesn't happen and that is the conclusion I would stay with until proven otherwise. I really doubted that I would be, but you never know. It could happen.

Little did I know that I would, in fact, find myself proven wrong. The sun crept over the horizon little by little washing the sky with a chilly blue. I watched quietly, happy to stay in that place. It was weird to see him like this. I kept on imagining him as a horrible monster, but it was hard to see him so peaceful and not see him at least a little bit differently. Gray added into my black and white picture.

That was when my brain came back to me and I closed my eyes and shut the door, appalled at myself for letting my conclusion be shaken so easily. He would have to try harder then that. I sighed, closed my eyes and dragged myself off of the floor. I was certain that I could get up and go take a shower without another glance at the door, but I was wrong, I did in fact take another glance through the door.

The old stump was empty and I felt oddly disappointed, then shook myself, trying to get rid of the empty feeling. Something clattered under my foot and I looked down to find a wooden sword underneath my foot. I gasped and leapt away from it like it was on fire. It startled me so badly that I then proceeded to trip over my own feet and roll out of the open door.

"Owie…" I whined, pulling up onto one elbow. I had hit my stump on the way down and it stung like all heck. Sitting up I proceeded to rub my arm, whispering a steady string of profanities under my breath.

"Pretty dirty words for a woman." A snide voice commented. I jumped and jerked up, finding red eyes staring calmly at me. Hiei was leaning against a wooden column, perfectly comfortable. I frowned.

"I like to think of myself as a swordsman first." I snapped, already annoyed from hurting myself and now even more irritated because of the sexist comment. Ugh, if only I could shove my aforementioned sword up his ass, then who would be the man in this forced relationship?

He smirked and I was surprised at how attractive the expression looked on his face. That thought is what really set me off, I think.

"That's why you ran away from a sword." He questioned, though it was more of a statement. A rhetorical question then.

"Go fuck yourself." I hissed, glaring at him from my spot on the grass. Yeah, I rolled so far that I actually fell off of the porch. I blinked, coming to the realization that he had been watching me. "And stay away from me. I don't like you, if you couldn't tell." I growled. He stared at, calm as ever. I hadn't even made him angry. God, what was he made of, stone?

"Thanks, but I prefer women over myself." He said dryly. Both of my eyebrows rose this time.

"Oh, I was under the impression that you were asexual." What can I say? It just sort of popped out, I didn't actually mean to say the comment aloud. I wanted something more malicious, but I was mistaken. His face colored and darkened slightly, then he scoffed and turned to walk off.

"Stupid girl." He said before storming away. My mouth fell open as I realized that I had just, in fact, managed to annoy him. Really? Sarcasm, that's all that was needed. Just one pointed comment, some nagging. That was it? God, how dumb could I be.

Of course it was. He had dealt with too man malicious people for truly cruel comments to bother him, but he hadn't dealt with anyone childish before. A plan began to unfold in my head. An awesome one.

—

**A/N: I know, these used to be rare. Well, who cares. I've gone off my rocker and that's that. Now, I'm well aware that you guys probably really want to see Eva, but don't worry. All in due time. I promise that I will see this story to the finish line. Anyways, later**


	3. But I Was Always So Afraid

**A/N: Okay, there wasn't as much feedback on the last chapter. Was it not as good, guys? It's just that I've read this so many times now, its hard to tell if its good or not. Besides, I really look forward to your reviews. It's one of my favorite parts of writing. So R&R! Give me my daily drugs!**

—

I looked up from my book as the door creaked open to unveil Genkai holding a plate of food. Unlike the last two weeks I got out of bed and walked over, opening the door.

"Finally, I was wondering when you would quit starving me." I said, lifting my plate from her hands and plopping over on the floor. I was hungry, if you're curious. My newfound purpose had kickstarted my appetite, but I was also inadvertently trying to show Genkai that I was fine.

The evil old lady had kept me confined to my boring room for weeks, letting my arm heal. Even after hitting it earlier that morning I was fine. It had hurt, for certain, but it hadn't sent me into a screaming pain and it definitely hadn't started bleeding. Heck, you could barely see the line where my skin had to be pulled over to cover the wound.

It really was just a stump. If I touched the bottom, I couldn't feel it. It was like touching someone else's arm. It was really unnerving, but that's what happens when you kill nerve cells. They don't just grow back. I could feel above it, higher up on my shoulder where there were only minor burns, but not below.

That meant that my arm could never be fixed. Nerve cells don't get fixed, besides, even if I got one of those fancy prosthetics it would still never be my real arm and that was enough to stop the entire line of thought.

You could fix the nerves with magic, if you were powerful enough, but only a handful of people in the world had that much latent magic. Any other way was black magic and I couldn't afford another run in with black magic. I was already in hot water up to my ears over that. Losing my arm was the price I had to pay.

My hatred of Hiei was a cover. I knew that. It was my coping mechanism for my own guilt. I had thrown myself into that mess, hook-line-and-sinker and he was my scape-goat. Don't ever tell him that, he doesn't deserve to know. I hope to all heck that my loss would haunt him for the rest of his life, though it probably wouldn't. He seemed pretty calm about the whole ordeal, but I was finding that he had a pretty good cap on his emotions, so it was hard to tell either way. I would forever be guessing probably, but if my plan works maybe I could irritate him into telling me.

Anyway, back to dinner.

—

A moment ago I had been hungry, but now the rich food felt like a lead weight in my stomach and I felt sick. That's it, just ever so simply sick. I couldn't have another bite, the food tasted like ashes and my arm itched. A prickle, an unpleasant one, that began to spread upwards, numbing my shoulder and moving toward my chin. My head snapped up.

"I need some fresh air." I murmured to Genkai and then swiftly got onto my feet and slipped out of the door.

The emptiness yawned and I felt excessively uncomfortable, in pain and numb. My side was starting to tingle and I couldn't feel my tongue. I turned to the right. Call it some sort of telepathic understanding, but I knew where I would find the cure for my sudden pain. I ran in that direction and the further I got the less my side tingled. Finally the numbness began to altogether recede.

It came to a stop and I leaned over, gasping. I hadn't done any physical activity in weeks, I was always so nervous that my body was just going to snap in two on me. It was very unnerving and depressing. I treated my body like glass, something delicate that could shatter at a moment's notice.

A shuffle sounded and my head snapped up, startled. That was when I realized that I was in the middle of a forest at night. Forgive me, my body coming to a stop caused me to panic a bit. I wasn't thinking about paying attention to my surroundings, I was thinking about relieving the pain.

As my eyes flickered back and forth, surveying the deep shadows, I finally spotted a flicker of color. I narrowed my eyes and lo-and-behold I found a very familiar man dozing in the shadows. He must have gone too far away, or something had happened and was affecting me.

I waited until my eyes had adjusted and at that point I knew that something must be wrong. The Hiei that I knew would have been aware that I was coming long before I had arrived and most definitely would not let me stand here staring at him. He was completely unable to control his snide comment function. Honestly, it was like: "oh, someone said something, I must answer sarcastically and demean them".

Don't look at me like that, it's the truth. I held up my hand and summoned a witch-light, keeping it fairly dim. The pale, white light illuminated my surroundings much better and I tip-toed forward, continuously checking to see if Hiei was going to wake up and attack me.

Long story short, he didn't wake up and I gasped as I realized the problem. He was not only completely asleep, but in something deeper then asleep. Could Hiei hibernate? Was that possible? What could be the cause of it? I brushed some of his bangs away from his face and noted that his forehead was burning. My hand tingled when I pulled it away with a swallow.

Was his body temperature normally three-thousand degrees or was he sick? My stump twitched as I tried to move my other arm, then came to the realization that it was no longer there. My eyes widened. God-damn-it, I should just leave him.

"Shoot." I grumbled, realizing that if he died or something I was going to be close behind. That's just how spiritual bonds worked. Improvising, I made the witch-light float and used the other hand to make a cursory check. That's when I found the heavy set of bandages on his right arm. I was curious, what was wrong? Sweat was beginning to drip from his forehead and I slowly, painstakingly unwound the bandage some.

"Hiei, you're making this overly difficult for me." I hissed, unable to pull his trench-coat up any more. Really, that's exactly what it was, a legit freaking trench-coat. With one arm it is extremely difficult to pull that off. Finally I stepped back and levitated him into the air, taking the stupid thing off with telekinesis. Seriously, at least I have a pseudo limb to work with. Although even my magic works better with two hands, rendering some attacks impossible.

I felt my face heat up as I came to the realization that he must work out a ton because Hiei had a set of muscles on him, yes he did. He wouldn't do that any other way then the hard way either. Every time I turned around I found myself with more questions and less answers. How was he so strong? He wasn't even that old, at least he didn't look it, and he was a better swordsman then I was. Don't tell him I said that though, his ego is already the size of Texas.

"What is that?!" I yelped, yanking my hand away from his arm. It was blackened with burns and dark tattoos scrolling around the sides. I groaned, unable to heal it very well because without my other hand, my meager healing knowledge was cut in half. Two hands were a pre-requisite for most spells. A brilliant green glow started and the burns began to recede. I didn't try to completely fix them, it would exhaust me too much to move, so I just stuck with the simple stuff.

When most of his arm was a normal, healthy pink again I released the spell with a gasp, choking in air. My knees shook and I sank to the ground, sweat pouring down my face. If I hadn't been so tired I might have caught the warning groan and ran away, but I didn't catch it. I was far too busy trying to breathe.

"Why?" He asked. I twitched and my hand started shaking. I coughed and a tear slipped down my face, then another, and more. I stared at my knees in horror.

"I just- wanted to help- Jesus, what the- it's sort of- I don't even know myself- God, I'm tired!" Everything I was thinking came out in a weird, jumbled mess as feelings I had been holding in through pure willpower busted out of me and I melted into a blubbering puddle of tears and depression and elation and confusion and anger and — it was just weird.

My face collapsed against the ground and I could only think of how much power I had used and how oddly warm Hiei looked. Heat closed around me and for a moment I felt whole and comfortable and before I knew it I was completely asleep.

—

She was the weirdest human I had ever met, with Urameshi as a close second. I wanted to punch her as much as I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and run off with her (don't tell her I said that). She had weird reactions, I guess. Most people act only on their own feelings, all organisms are first and foremost focused on themselves, but she seemed to note other people's emotions as well as her own, factoring them into whatever agenda she has already planned ahead of time.

Why did she save me when she had the perfect chance to kill me, or do something horrible at least. She didn't care about my anger, I knew that. So, why? My wounds weren't doing anything to her, or at least I didn't think they were. How could the burns on my arm affect hers? She didn't have a right arm. I winced at that thought, sort of disgusted at remembering it.

Cutting her apart had not been hard, she didn't have any kind of powerful skin or anything, she was a soft human. Well, a soft human with a very dangerous sword, but still a human. She couldn't understand the bond with the sword or the odd curiousity in those with a beating heart. I looked down at the sleeping human.

Damn, for someone so slight she was heavy. Perhaps it was the height. She would have dwarfed me only a few years back, not that it would have mattered when you were around someone as tall as Kurama most of the time. I growled under my breath and kicked the door open.

"Room service, someone ordered a fat human." I said dryly before dropping her unceremoniously on the floor. There, debt repaid, leaving no-

"Fuck, cold." She muttered, curling in on herself. I stuttered, but continued walking away. All right, so that could have been a bit less violent.

"Hiei." I didn't turn at my name, but I did stop. It was my version of saying, 'what'. "Your arm is healed." Genaki pointed out. I glanced back and pulled on my jacket correctly.

"Badly." I said rudely, pursing my lips.

"You're not even going to say thank you?" She asked, I glanced back and saw her tucking the girl in. She didn't uncurl and in fact seemed to be half-awake. I knew the feeling, always listening to your surroundings, always aware.

"No." I grumbled and turned away.

"She regains strength faster if you stick around." The old hag didn't say anything else and just turned off the light. I glared at her retreating figure and stood on the porch. A hiss slipped out from between my teeth as I stared at the murmuring figure. Most of it was dumb nonsense, but I found myself listening to it.

"Warmer."

"Nah, definitely stupid."

"But stupid and warm."

"Chilly."

"Well, personality could use… some pizzazz."

"Extreme facelift."

"But he's a warm ass-hole."

I found my eyebrows raising as I listened to her argument with what appeared to be herself. She was talking about some guy, who knows, maybe she was with someone before the incident. I wonder who it is though?

"Agreed, I still don't like him though."

"Who does, it's Hiei?" She muttered, sighed and turned over, mashing her face into her pillow.

I stared in surprise and then growled and rubbed my face with my hand. Whatever, her floor was as comfortable as any.

—

My head was pounding and my limbs felt like almost legitimate pieces of spaghetti, but I still managed to find the will to open my eyes. My dreams had consisted of a lot of black. I had slept hard, too exhausted to do anything else, and it had given me a new clarity for the day.

I looked at the ceiling until it came into focus and then yawned loudly.

"Good morning, Angel." I murmured to myself. I was so tired, but today was different then the last few weeks. I had to stop and think about a very important subject. It had become apparent to me the night before, but what was I supposed to do about Hiei?

Healing him, seeing him less as a threat and more as a person had reminded me that I was going to be stuck with him. Forever. I shivered and curled further into the covers. We could never be too far apart and my feelings were going to be connected to his. Forever.

Until the day I died I was going to be attached to him and that was something I had to think about. Was it worth living a half life like that? What if it never got any better?

"I didn't know you hated me that much." I jumped, startled, than realized that I must have said that aloud. In seconds I was out of bed, single hand groping over my empty hip. Nothing to protect myself with. I realized that it was just Hiei and let out a breath before tensing up, realizing what he had said.

My face darkened and I snapped my mouth shut.

"You're… rather hard to like." I bit out, trying to make the words sort of nice. If I was going to be stuck with him then I didn't want every word to be a huge argument. Apparently he had a pretty similar line of thought, since he wasn't even glaring at me.

"Am I now?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. If I had been anyone else I would have turned away in disgust, but this was Hiei's version of being nice. I know, he really does need to learn what the word polite means, but I wasn't going to shove this chance back into his face. I couldn't quite give up my hate, but I was going to have to at least deal with him or I would forever be alone.

"A bit." I said curtly, than tilted my head to the side. "I'm Angela Portman, by the way." I said, holding out my hand. "We've never been properly introduced."

He glanced at my hand doubtfully and his eyes flickered to my face. "Hiei Jaganshi." He said slowly, seeming to stare at my hand before finally reaching out and shaking it. Heat flowered in my chest and I sucked in a startled breath, aware that he was frozen as well.

I yanked my hand from his. "Jaganshi- Master Of The Evil Eye." I held back a humored chuckle. "It suits you." He glared at me slightly at the comment, just making it harder for me to hide my smile. It really was so easy to piss him off through teasing. I was also rather embarrassed at my reaction and was doing my best to cover that up.

"Anyway, I have better humans to deal with." He said, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and glaring out of the window.

My eyes traveled up the tendons on his long neck and I shook my head, blinking.

"One more thing." I managed to get out. He glared at me, but waited. "Thanks for bringing me back." I said, his eyes widened and then he turned away.

"What you do effects me too, stupid." He muttered and stalked out.

"Thanks anyway!" I yelled after him, he didn't answer and I grinned. He was embarrassed. That was funny, so he wasn't really a giant walking ice-cube, just a giant idiot. Funny.

—

**A/N: Just a reminder to please leave me feedback. I'm not going to continue posting a story nobody likes, after all. But the few of you that do review on almost every single chapter, pat yourselves on the back, you're the only reason it's as long as it is.**

**I just want to remind all of you readers that us writers are human too. When nobody wants to react to what we do, it makes it very hard to want to continue giving when we're not receiving. Even if you end up not liking this story and never thinking about it again, please remember this note and apply it to the things that you do enjoy.**

**Everyone is human and anyone who says that they don't like feedback is either a liar or an alien!**

**Thanks Lots,**

**Nami **


	4. I Would Never Get

A tear slipped down my cheek and I took a deep breath and turned away, blinking to clear my eyes. My frustration wasn't causing me to be violent and angry like I had expected it would, I was just disappointed and sad. Every time I went to do anything I would find that missing an arm got in the way. I didn't have the magical power to just do everything through magic. I couldn't even go to the bathroom correctly.

I fumbled with the soap bottle again and then set it next to me and plopped onto the floor of the shower, resting my shoulder against the wall. I used to have a tendency to rest my head in my hands when I was frustrated to the point of tears and now I couldn't even do that.

My next breath was ragged and painful and I smacked my head against the wall, letting the pain ground me. It started up that deep anger and I recognized the growling scream before I grabbed the stupid bottle of shampoo and threw it so hard against the wall that it exploded into a pile of green apple smelling goop and shards of plastic. I cried out again and stomped down hard, red leaked into the water and the blast of pain surprised me into silence.

The next tears were ones that leaked from the pain. I sucked in and winced, picking up my foot gingerly and avoiding any other stray pieces of plastic.

"Ow…" I commented dryly as I saw the pieces of plastic sticking out of my bleeding foot. I whimpered as the soap covering them began to burn on the open cuts. I took a deep breath and unceremoniously ripped out the biggest piece first. "AH! FUCK! OW!" I screeched, leaning against the wall and rocking back and forth in pain.

The rest were much smaller and hurt far less, but I knew that the worst part was coming up. Hot water sloshed down my back and I spun around and stuck my foot under the running stream gritting my teeth against the burning sting. It hurt like, well, like I had shoved pieces of plastic into my foot.

When it was finally over, I no longer felt angry, just drained and tired. Whatever frustration I had was gone.

After cleaning up the mess and wrapping up my foot I headed back to my room to get dressed, stepping on my foot gingerly and tugging my towel good and tight. What I hadn't expected was to open the door and have someone yelling in my face.

"What the hell happened?!" Someone bellowed and I backed up, nearly falling over as I tried to figure what was going on. I was already tired and short-tempered; whoever was yelling at me was going to die if they didn't stop.

"What are you-" I opened my eyes to find Hiei glaring absolute daggers at me. "I stepped on some plastic, okay! God!" I yelled, shaking a droplet of water out of my eye. "Back off." I grumbled, shoving past him while trying to keep my temper.

"Stepped on?!" He grabbed my arm I felt my temper snap as I turned toward him, ripping my shoulder out of his grasp.

"Back off, you asshole!" I yelled back, shoving him with my free hand. My towel had begun slipping down, but I was so angry that I hadn't noticed. "It wasn't your foot!"

He narrowed his glowing red eyes at me.

"Your foot is connected to my fucking foot, so you better take fucking care of yourself." He growled. I stepped back, feeling shock pass over me, followed closely by anger.

"Me?! What about you?! I wasn't the one burning my arm off!" I screeched, my voice climbing. "Worry about your own damn body before you go trying to tell me how to take care of mine!"

"I wasn't the one who got my arm cut off, was I?!" He shot right back. My heart froze as he dug right into where it hurt. I stepped away, closing my mouth.

"Out." I muttered. He closed his mouth and crossed his arms, I looked at him darkly. "Get out." I repeated, feeling every thought that I was ever going to be able to put up with him slipping away. He still didn't move. "I'm not the one who cut off my arm. I'm not the one who ruined my life!" I stamped my foot down and then bit my lip, an angered tear close behind it. "Fuck! Get out!" I screamed and shoved him as hard as I could.

He looked startled by the shock of pain and stumbled back when I pushed him. I wiped my face on my shoulder, annoyed at my own weakness. I hated myself as much as I hated him. He stopped moving even as I pushed with all of my will, hair sliding into my eyes.

"Angela." He said, I ignored my own name, ignored the burning feeling it started in my gut. I ignored everything. "Angela!" He yelled, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. My head snapped up as I looked like a deer in the headlights at him. I couldn't help wondering if this was how women with abusive boyfriends felt. They wanted to leave, but they couldn't. I suddenly envied them.

They could, they might get hurt, but at least they were physically capable of doing so.

"WHAT?!" I yelled with the last of my strength, feeling all of the fight drain out of me. "What could you possibly say to hurt me anymore?" My shoulders slumped forward and my face dropped, my weight pushing against Hiei.

"Look at me." He said uncharacteristically. I kept on expecting him to scoff and turn away, telling me how much of failure I was on the way out, but he was as stuck as I was. I found a sort of sadistic pleasure in that thought. I looked up at him slowly, carefully. His eyes were actually staring into mine for once, as if searching for something.

He would only find hatred in my eyes. Whether hatred for him or self-hatred I wasn't sure, the difference between the two was becoming unclear.

"I" -his face hardened- "nevermind."

He would have left at that point and I don't think that I ever would have forgiven him. I might have even killed myself to get out of the problem, I can see that now, but that was not what fate had planned for me that day. The next thing that happened was unexpected, but it turned the tables.

He turned to leave and I went to slam the door in his face when my foot slid and I careened forward straight into Hiei's back, my nose grinding against his spine painfully.

"Wah!" I yelped, grabbing onto his shirt, trying not to slide down. I could smell fresh sweat, but at that point I noticed that he wasn't wearing that retarded trench coat. It was lucky in its own way as he turned to catch me. Well, I suppose that if I had taken a face-dive he would have had to feel it too.

"What in the-" He began and then I slumped, feeling dizzy. Oh, I had been bleeding a lot. Stomping probably hadn't helped much.

"I feel sick." I muttered, sweat breaking out on my forehead. God, was I going to sleep well. I had just taken an emotional roller-coaster ride to hell.

"Oh, come on!" He said and glanced down the hall, as if looking for someone to re-do the bandages and fix it for him. He was just an ass like that. Of course there was no one though, if there had been anyone they would have come to see why people were screaming at the top of their lungs. No, Genkai said that the others who lived in the house were off preparing something and she was helping.

Hiei was stuck with me of course.

I didn't notice moving until my back hit the bed and my head lolled to the side, flushed with nausea.

"Hold your damn towel!" He yelped, I giggled, feeling sort of drunk off of exhaustion. I did fix the sliding towel, though. Well, he had just sort of proven that he wasn't asexual, but I still wasn't convinced.

"Roses are red and violets are blue~" I warbled, the dizziness making my head spin. Somehow my line of thought about Hiei and relationships had made me think of that poem, which reminded me of the song and I just felt like impulsively singing it I guess. I'm still sort of surprised that he ever spoke to me after that. "Honey is sweet, but- Not as sweet as youuu~"

Hiei finally got my first class bandaging undone and tossed the soaked covering in the trash, he pressed his hands against my foot to try and stop the bleeding and I giggled.

"Stop! That tickles!" I squeaked, trying to take my foot out of his grasp. I could hear him groan as I wriggled around. I was sort of glad that he was asexual though, any other guy probably would have jumped me or something, thinking about it now. Towel, tickling, it sounded like a bad romance novel.

Not that I would ever read a trashy romance novel.

"God. Stop!" He ordered, sounding rather desperate. I shook my head and pulled harder, it was verging on hurting now. I had given up holding the towel now and knew that it was slipping. Finally I heard him bark a word of some sort and a searing, tingling heat traveled up my leg and over my body.

A dorky grin crossed my face as I just lolled in comfort, feeling my consciousness receding. He was healing my foot, but it didn't hurt or itch or anything. He was far more talented then I was. He also had two hands, I knew the spell, but I had never been very good at it. I stilled and he finally took a deep breath. A blanket settled around me and I opened my eyes just long enough to see him dropping it over me.

"Thanks." I said, smiling sort of. I had a hard time controlling myself when I felt dizzy and exhausted and content. It was hard to understand why I hated him when I was like that.

"Whatever." He muttered and the light flickered off. Before drifting off I couldn't help grinning at his way of saying 'you're welcome'.

—

I tripped my way down the hall, nervous to put weight on my foot. It was freaking me out that it really was healed quite perfectly and I kept on expecting to see blood or feel pain spike where I had shoved pieces of plastic into the soft skin of my foot. It didn't though.

On the other hand, a tingling, surging heat tingled every time I set my foot onto the floor. It was more distracting then unpleasant (it was quite pleasant, actually), but I was still avoiding the act of setting my foot down. It was inevitable that at some point I would take a floor-dive hopping around like that, I was just hoping to avoid it for the time being.

Life did not have that in store for me and an ungodly screech peaked as I hit the floor with a thump, arms flailing awkwardly. Man, my balance was just not what it used to be. I was afraid to practice though, worried that I had lost the sense permanently. What if I tried to fix what had happened and just failed miserably?

Yeah, I know the saying. 'You'll never know if you don't try.' but I still don't want to try. It's sort of like burning yourself and then being scared to go near fire for a while. Well, imagine falling into the fire. You'd probably be scared of it forever, right? Well, that was my problem. I've nicked myself on a sword a few times and it can be nerve-wracking to pick it back up.

It's much harder to do so now.

Because Genkai wasn't home though, and I was bored, I began making up a game where I would wander around and count the things throughout my area of the house or read everything I saw (or the first three pages) and when I grew bored of that I played a game with myself where there were ninjas hiding and I was a private investigator.

Shoot me, I was bored. The game began to grow on me though and I kept trying to think of all of the ways that I could take down the attackers with only one arm. I would leap out, but fail due to the fact that catching myself was a problem. I would grab a blunt object to swing around, but that would fail because my side was unprotected.

I came to the realization that my passion had not gone cold in my time sitting around. I liked swords due to their speed and agility in combat and due to the skills that practicing would teach you. Discipline and passion and a drive to work harder, be better, learn faster, that way the ending was all the better for it.

"What am I thinking..." I murmured to myself, sitting in the middle of a big, empty room after growing exhausted from playing my made up game. My body was tired and I didn't feel so good. A clang startled me out of my musing and I got up, curious about what had caused it.

It sounded like a large metal spoon or something.

I went to the door and followed the clanging noises until I finally came to a door where I could tell that someone was inside. Hiei, of course. Who else could it be? I contemplated walking away because I didn't want to deal with him. Not after my incredibly embarrassing moment the night before, anyway.

It didn't sound like an overly thrilling idea somehow. Another clang sounded and I heard fluent swearing issue from across the door. Okay, now I had to open it to see what had pissed him off so badly. I slid it open a tiny crack and peeked through that tiny crack to unveil a surprising scene. Call me crazy, but it had slipped my mind that Hiei was a talented swordsman. I physically jolted away when I saw him blur across the room and go through a series of intricate moves.

It was hard to see them all, honestly. That said something, because I had studied swordplay for at least half of my life, if not more. There weren't too many moves that I didn't see coming anymore. Then I got an itch. It started in my hand and continued on to my heart until I was clenching and unclenching my fingers and toes and rolling my considerably lighter right shoulder.

I kept on twitching without even realizing. The point at which I looked to Hiei, I was startled to find that he was looking at the door strangely. Oh, wait, he was looking at me. Strangely, might I add.

I slammed the door closed and turned to run, but he was a crap-load faster than me and had an iron hold on the back of my shirt before I could run to the safety of my room where he was not (I repeat, not) allowed. Well, at least he wasn't allowed when I was aware of it. I had the funny feeling that he had broken that rule a few times as of late, though.

"You stay." He ordered harshly and I found myself both surprised and annoyed. Why wasn't he angry at my intrusion and also, who died and made him king?

"Ack!" I choked as he dragged me backwards. "Why?!" I gasped when he finally let go of my collar. I didn't bother making a leap for the exit, he wouldn't have let me leave anyway and we had already established that he was far quicker then me.

"I'm sick of your moping." He answered simply and didn't say anything else. I was confused right up until a wooden sword hit me right in the middle of the forehead.

"Ow! What the f-" My eyes landed on the practice sword and I shook my head. "No, no, I won't do it." I said, crossing my arms and sitting completely still. I wasn't going to touch that thing. Especially not with the douche-bag watching.

"You can either pick up the sword or I'm going to lock that door and turn on opera music." He threatened. Wow, I must have really made him fed up to say anything like that. On the other hand, he was stuck in this house because of me. I suppose it makes some sense.

"Fine, do it." I said, assuming that he was just bluffing. When he started walking toward an old record player my eyes darted to the door, but I was screwed, it was already locked. He continued to walk calmly and I glanced at the sword so close to my only hand. Could I do it though?

At the first trace of a high-pitched warble I snatched the thing off of the floor and threw it clear across the room before crushing the thing single-handedly. The horrible noise came to an abrupt stop and Hiei just looked mildly amused while I felt wholly surprised. I was shocked that I had been able to do that. It felt natural, like breathing. Perhaps… I could try.

"There. I did it." I snapped and then stomped to the door and flipped the lock with a simple spell before leaving with a resounding bang. I was shocked at myself more then I was at Hiei's actions. Why hadn't I just left that way in the first place?

I made the excuse that I hadn't been able to think clearly underneath the pressure, but that was a lie. I knew it was. I had secretly wanted to know if I could still pick up a sword just as much as Hiei did.

—

**A/N: I think that she's on PMS. Thoughts**


	5. And I've Often Been Told

"Ow!" I groaned, feeling the strain rip its way over my body. Don't look at me like that, I was doing push-ups and one-armed push-ups were not easy. After asking Genkai the date I realized what was coming up in a few months and I was dead set on joining.

In my world there is something called the demon world. It's just about as nice as it sounds, although to be honest it wasn't that physically different from Earth, or human world. Anyway, remember how I mentioned getting in with some black magic and that's what led to the loss of my arm? Well, the wizards were demons.

So, away from unimportant details. Basically, every three years there's a tournament in Demon World to establish the leader of the world. I joined with that group to participate in this tournament. To be honest, it was less of a tournament and more of a bloodbath though.

This was only for truly strong people and let's just say that I had more than a healthy dose of pride on my side. How did I find Demon World when I was a human?

Okay, that's another long, boring story. I'll give you the short version. Because magic-wielders are dangerous to vanilla humans there's a board that monitors wizards and demons that reside in the human world. When you find out that you have magic, they come find you (I still don't know how) and then you have to go through some training and you become a registered wizard or witch (hate that word). It's a little bit more in depth than that, but that's the basic gist of it. Also, if you are proven guilty to being a user of black magic then you die. Simple as that.

It can get pretty messy, if you can imagine. I, luckily, did not partake in any. I was an innocent bystander and that kept my record clean, but they watch me carefully and I know it. So, to stop going on a tangent, you learn about other worlds during your training.

If you're crazy, like me, you go out of your way to visit those worlds. Demon world is something you can 'visit', but it's dangerous and there's no guarantee that you're coming back safe. Full circle, everything happened, I lost my arm and now I'm back in human world in a stranger's house. I'm an adult (I am twenty-two), so I don't have family that noticed my absence immediately.

I'm not very close to my parents. But that's another long story that I really don't want to talk about. So, here we are. Let's just say that I wanted in to that tournament and I told Genkai exactly that. After throwing that sword it was all I could think about. All I could imagine was winning that tournament and she wasn't going to stop me. In fact, Genkai offered to help train me. I think that she was just glad to see me pulling out of my slump and willing to pick up a sword again.

Oddly enough, it's not the first thing that she had me do. She insisted that I do a series of physical tests before allowing me to go near a weapon. This training was at any time of the day, anywhere, doing anything. I agreed that I would follow her lead if she would train me. She agreed to her side of the bargain of course.

She also warned me about the difficulty level of her training, but I naively ignored her warnings and we have finally gotten back to the matter at hand. The first day of training was here and she didn't give me a special day of care (at least, I'm pretty sure she didn't, but maybe that was her idea of nice). Nope, she threw me a set of work-out clothing and when I was dressed she told me to do as many push-ups as I could without stopping (fifty).

"No more." I gasped, collapsing onto my face. Her foot shoved against my back.

"You're going to go up against the most powerful demons alive while only being capable of fifty push-ups?!" She exclaimed harshly. I winced against the floor, but at the sentence my excitement began to heighten my perception of the world around me. My blood began to pump harder and I could feel the fog that had settled over my brain lifting. "Get your ass off the floor! We're not done yet."

It's going to be a long road, but I think I can make it. It will be hard, but worth it.

—

Training to make up for a lost arm is a wicked pain, if you weren't already aware. It is one of the most legitimately frustrating things that I have ever gone through. Don't look at me like that, Genkai had to be one of the most harsh trainers on the planet. Her idea of giving you a pep talk was grabbing you by the back of the shirt and throwing you across the room. The first time.

All of the other times after that were worse. In conclusion she was basically extremely violent and that was how she showed that she loved you. Sweat poured down my face as I did my seventh round of fifty one-armed push-ups. I was almost ready to do more then that at a time, but when I said that my muscle-tone was shot I was serious about it. I used to be able to do two-hundred when I was at my best. But a few months before that training I had also had two arms and I had worked out every day, all day, fighting.

My life is a really long story, I'm not going to lie about that. When the council members arrived the day that I lost my arm I honestly thought that I was going to die. When you go through training to become a registered magic user you are told the rules very clearly and you're also told quite clearly about the fact that you are not the only conscious thinker in the two worlds. There are many other species that vanilla humans either ignore, don't believe in or don't know about.

Demons are the ones that they should be worried about. Demons can take many different forms. Yes, you're vampire and werewolves are simply forms of demons. The word demon is more of an umbrella term then anything else. It's a description of all of the organisms that come from demon world. There's a reason that normal people are terrified of the word demon. It's because they don't belong in human world.

Magic users are, by definition, a half-breed. The original user of magic was half-demon, half-human. Their lives are about three to four times as long as a normal person's and they, obviously, have the capability to use magic. It depends on your body and genes, but some are more powerful then others. I was somewhat better then average, but nowhere near the league of the best users.

Because of my unusually slow development I did not appear to be at the age that I was at. I was nearly twenty-three, but I looked to be fifteen, sixteen at the most. It was extremely unfair because that also meant that I couldn't drink yet, even though I should be able to. It would be useless anyway, though. An interesting fact is that our slow development is because of an extremely fast metabolic rate.

Basically, you can't get drunk.

It sucked, I'm not going to lie. At first I wanted to break into Genkai's kitchen and drink anyway, but she got all upset with me. To be honest, I didn't want to tell her about being older yet. I think that she knew anyway, though. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that she knew the role that I played in healing Hiei's arm.

"Alright, stop." She said. I pulled back onto my heels, sucking in a huge, thankful breath. "Break time, go get some water. Be back in ten minutes." She if I hadn't been thirsty I would have gotten water. Whatever she had planned I was all too certain that I would get thirsty, luckily I did want water though. I stumbled from the large room that we mainly used for training. She also liked to send me outside to this large, cement-covered area and she enjoyed making me run up and down the gigantic set of stairs that led up to her house. It must have been a solid mile to go up and down those stairs, I'm not even joking. There was a road that led up as well that was paved and that she had mentioned was a more recent addition due to the increase of car usage.

I also guessed that it was because people wanted to get here in under an hour too, but she skillfully avoided answering that question. Anyway, I slid open the paper door and closed it behind me, politely bowing out of the room. Genkai gets really mad when you don't for whatever reason. I didn't really understand why, but I was certain that I would eventually. For now I just followed through with her orders and trusted that she would tell me later.

"Thank you, ma'am." I said. Why did I always call her ma'am, you might ask. Well, it was because I had actually gone to military school before. Its part of what originally got me interested in swords (they were on display in the school). I closed the door gently behind me and headed toward the kitchen to get myself a nice drink of cool water.

I was not the biggest fan of ice-cold water, oddly enough. It made all of my muscles get too tense and made me jittery. Cooler water was the best kind. It hydrated you the best and you could drink it quickly without getting really sick. Yeah, I bet you didn't know that you could get sick from drinking water too fast, did you? Well, if you're dehydrated and inhale water then that's what happens. You get sick.

It's really uncomfortable and the feeling is like you're stomach is imploding on itself; not pleasant or fun at all. So, upon entry to the kitchen to get my aforementioned water I was surprised by seeing a small, black-haired girl trying to reach a glass that was far up in the cupboard. It was probably up a foot higher then she could reach. I noticed a stepping-stool close by and gnawed on my lip, wondering if I should tell her. I stepped forward and the floor creaked. She jumped just about half-a-mile into the air and I rethought my plan of action, deciding that scaring the poor girl to death wasn't worth it.

I had no qualms with her and somehow she was just too adorable to annoy. I slid the stool in sight with magic and shook my head, turning to walk away.

"Hello?" The girl murmured and I shivered, surprised that her voice was so scared. I peeked behind me, around the door in a place where she couldn't see, and found her staring at the stool distrustfully. "Genkai, was that you?" She asked into thin air, looking around. Her eyes flickered over everything and she raised an eyebrow after a few moments before finally shrugging and shaking her head, going to pick up the stool.

"Great, Eva, now you're imagining things." She muttered to herself, taking the stool over to the cupboard. "And you say you're not crazy." She sighed and got up, easily grabbing a glass. I chuckled slightly, but stopped when her eyes slid to the door, but they returned to her glass fairly quickly.

I hid from her until she left and then went into the kitchen to get myself a drink. I was surprised to see one with a drop sliding down the side and a small sticky note under it in flowing handwriting. _'Thanks for the stool, random person.''_ I chuckled and took a sip, marveling at how it was just the right temperature. How thoughtful of her. What did she say to herself? Eva? That was a pretty name, I liked it quite a lot.

I couldn't help wondering if it was a nickname, though. She seemed very Japanese to me and the Japanese are very nationalistic, they like their names. Perhaps she changed her name, or maybe she just didn't like her normal one and preferred people to call her something else. Or maybe her parents didn't live in Japan; that could be exciting.

Well, okay, it's not that exciting. Mine didn't live in Japan, I moved her to live with my grandparents, not that they're aware of my existence. I shook my head and finished my water, putting it into the dishwasher when I was done. At first I had been surprised at the number of appliances Genkai had in her house; it was so old-fashioned that I wondered when she learned about them.

On the other hand, maybe there were younger people around that I hadn't met (she still kept me pretty limited, but was slowly letting me wander around. I sort of got the feeling that she didn't trust me) and they got all of the stuff for her. That made more sense to me, anyway.

I went back to the training room and bowed my way in before tilting my head to the side.

"Hey, Genkai, how many other people live in your house?" I asked, just curious about it. It would be kind of nice to see someone other then Hiei, at least… okay, it would be fantastic if I could see someone other then him.

Though, to be honest, I hadn't really seen too much of him in the last couple of weeks. I was under the impression that he was avoiding me. I didn't know why he would suddenly do that, though. Whatever the reason, it was nice. Sort of.

"Well, no one except me, but plenty of people visit." She answered, seeming surprised by the sudden interest. It's true, I hadn't really asked about it at all before. The answer was very confusing though.

"Like who?" I inquired, now I had to know.

"Well, a girl named Eva is staying here right now and there's you and Hiei. A man named Kurama is here quite often and usually a women named Yukina stays here." She elaborated, counting off on her fingers. "Those are the most frequent visitors."

I nodded, absorbing the information. That did answer a few questions, but now I only had more. Did Hiei know about Eva? Was he friends with this Kurama (probably not)? Why did this Yukina often stay here? Genkai's expression told me that she wasn't going to answer anymore questions, though. I sighed and rolled out my shoulders.

"Three laps on the stairs." I knew I was going to be paid back for asking her a bunch of questions. She was a great trainer, but that women was the incarnation of evil, I had decided.

Then we headed outside into the freezing air to run the stairs. She did it with ease, of course. What else would you expect out of the great Genkai?

—

I felt miserably tired. It was my day off of training (you should know that I still haven't touched a sword) and I couldn't even find the will to move. My body felt creaky and exhausted and I just wanted to lie in bed like the lazy butt that I was the whole day, but that wasn't healthy and I knew that I couldn't do that. I needed to get up and get moving. I had to do something, although I was going to expressly avoid physical labor.

I couldn't even think about it, currently. I decided that I was going to explore the house and see if I could find anyone to annoy. That might be interesting to do. I took off down the hall and wandered around the house. My feet nearly hurt too much to walk, so I was sort of hobbling down the corridor, heading out of the area that I had been in for a month now.

I knew that there were fifteen rooms and five bathrooms and a kitchen and a living room and a porch on two sides. My spot was on a corner of the sprawling lot and I sometimes I wondered where Genkai got enough money to make the huge place and what she planned to do with it, but I had never really found the nerve to ask.

She was a scary woman; incredibly kind, but scary. I also keep on meaning to ask her why she's willing to keep me here, but I'm always nervous that I'm not going to like the answer. What if she's letting me stay for some reason I don't want to know about? I've made a few enemies in my twenty-three years of life. I started young by hitting the people who were mean to me and it only escalated upwards. My parents always thought that I was just a troublemaker and sent me to live with my grandparents, but they were wrong.

I might have gotten angry easily, but I had to be forced into hurting someone. My grandparents couldn't deal with me anymore then my parents could and so they all decided to send me to military school. Well, something horrible caused that, but I don't really want to talk about it. It's a memory I don't think about. At least, it's one that I try not to think about.

In that school I developed my magic and nearly destroyed my dorm in the process. You see, when you're magic develops you will immediately know what kind it is. Some people get doused with water, or light on fire, others erase memories, or attract animals, or can suddenly hear other people's thoughts. Mine are purely destructive, but I lean toward water. It's so incredibly versatile and useful.

No, really, you might think I'm crazy, but it is honestly the most flexible element (according to me) and my magic is mainly elemental. Healing is earth, when you lean toward destructive magic it isn't your forte. Hiei seemed to be surprisingly good at it though, because my foot was healed like a charm. The magic even had pleasurable after effects, which was cool. My body was just the right temperature and extremely comfortably warm. It also had this nice tinging feeling to it that I couldn't help slightly enjoy it.

Anyways, back to exploring


	6. Be Careful What You Wish For

I was lost. Like truly, legitimately lost. I had only been in my own little area before and now I didn't know where I was. I must admit that I was rather intensely embarrassed by this fact. If there was only one trait that I shared with men it would be my incapability to ask for directions when I was lost. I couldn't give up my pride and just go ask someone, not that there was anyone to ask, but it was the principal of it that mattered.

I had wandered around and then started thinking about something dumb (I don't even remember what it was) and then I was trying to find a bathroom and then when I decided that I wanted to head back to my room I realized that I was so hopelessly lost I didn't even know what direction to go in.

So yeah, and now I was just exploring even more because I had decided that it didn't matter. I would find some corner to sleep in if I truly didn't find my way back somehow. Her house couldn't be endless after all. Well, knowing her she has a portal to demon world in some random closet or something. It would be just my luck to fall into it and then we really would have a story to tell.

Of course, no one would ever tell a story that dumb. Hehe.

I stretched and yawned, finding that I was rather thoroughly exhausted. I had been tired at the start of this expedition and now I was really flipping tired. I decided that I was going to go find a nice spot to have a nap until I felt like finding my way back to my room.

So, I walked down the white-washed halls through a house that didn't feel at all like a home. It felt cold, as if nothing good had ever happened here. It was weird. This temple must have been old, because I felt like I was being weighted down with horrible memories.

I headed away for a door further down where that weighted feeling was less intense and then slipped through the door. I stopped dead in my tracks after closing the door behind me. The walls were lined with weapons, but I would have recognized it anywhere, at anytime. The worn, black guard, the intricate dragon running up the leather, the shining steel blade that had been taken meticulous care of. There was a faded line where only one person had ever suceeded in breaking the sword in two.

Mizu no shi. My sword. Death by water, the dragon. It had killed more demons then I could count, without a drop of blood on the ground. I liked to call it Elegance.

I reached up and my hand tingled as I neared it. I wrapped my fingers around the hilt and a blast of strength rushed into my limbs, a blinding light made me squeeze my eyes shut tightly as an intense tingling rushed over my limbs. I opened my eyes in surprise to find that I was underwater, the glow of my sword shimmering in the fluctuating liquid. For a few seconds I floated in a surreal silence and then the glow died and I splashed against the floor.

The water would evaporate in seconds, but when I looked down I found deep blue scales retreating from the corners of my hand and legs and gills melting away from my neck. I screamed and rubbed at my legs, scratching at them hysterically.

"What the fuck?!" I screeched, then only panicked even more as I realized that my hair felt weird and when I looked at it, I found that it was a green color. "Go away!" I cried and melted to the floor, burying my face into my legs. A strange feeling informed me that my ears were a weird shape and I cried out again, horrified and confused.

What was happening to me?! The door slammed open and I looked in shock, then hid my face and curled up away from the light.

"Go away!" I yelled, terrified and embarrassed and intensely confused about what was going on. My sword has never done that to me. It had only ever summoned water since the day that I got it. What happened to cause that to change?! What had happened to my sword?!

"Calm down, it'll go away." A man's snarky voice answered and I gasped and rolled away from the man's voice into the shadows.

"Go away!" I cried again, feeling my breath beginning to come in short gasps. Was I not human?! Was I dying?! Was this what happened to dying people? Well, of course it wasn't. Did I catch a horrible disease, was I cursed? "It's not going away!" I squeaked, the horrible fins only getting longer and the scales growing more obvious.

"Calm down! The spike in spirit power is causing that." He explained. I whimpered again and slowly began reigning in my power. The fish body retreated until it was completely gone and only an awkward briny smell remained. I felt relieved and then my head snapped to Hiei as I leapt to my feet.

"What happened?!" I yelled, then immediately slowed my breathing, worried that the horrible transformation would come back. My eyes widened as I saw him and my heart practically leapt out of my chest. "What happened to you?" I whispered as orange faded away from his form, black, ashen skin fading.

"Like I said, what you do effects me too." He growled. "Come on, you're going to Genkai." He said, looking as annoyed as he did worried.

"Not without you, mister." I hissed, then grabbed his hand before practically throwing it away from me in shock as both of us were doused with a healthy dose of water. "That doesn't usually happen." I commented dryly, both of us rather frozen.

"I'm feeling more like a wet dog by the second." He grunted, wiping his eyes. His hair drooped sadly under the water and I madly fought the urge to laugh at the comical style.

"Collect." I murmured after crushing the urge to giggle. The excess water pulled off of both of us and collected in a swirling ball over my hands. It was nifty little spell that was a must when learning how to control water. Getting soaked was a common occurrence as a novice, if not slightly embarrassing. "Dissipate." I ordered and the water turned into a mist that disappeared within a moment or two, the air a bit more humid.

"Great. My grandmother works faster then you." He grumbled. I rolled my eyes and scoffed at him.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, I just want my sword." I said, shaking my head. It took me a minute, but I found the strap and the sheath and slipped it in quickly, holding back any and all magical power. Transforming into a fish was not on my bucket list and I wasn't going to add it then. "See, all better." I said.

That was the truth though, I felt an intense sense of relief at the familiar weight of the weapon on my hip. My Elegance, even if it was currently turned against me, was very important to me. I glanced at the sword distrustfully, and apprehensively. My worst nightmare was coming true, perhaps my sword was rejecting me. You don't just replace your bonded sword, it was part of your life, a section of your power. Having it cut in half nearly killed me (not that the arm didn't play a huge part in that).

It felt a little bit odd to wear it on the other hip, tied to the jean shorts that I preferred to wear. I had an arsenal of jean shorts that Genkai had at some point stocked my little closet with. But I also had an arsenal of training pants, which were stretchy pieces of fabric that did not hide the shape of my ass. I didn't like them.

I also had a crap-load of gray t-shirts to wear, which I did like. Genkai understood me and knew me well. She was a great trainer and always knew what to say to inspire me and make me work hard. I really appreciated the time that she was putting in to help me recover. My belief that I could hold a sword was coming back and I was starting to accept my odd arrangement of fate with Hiei.

I hated him. I hated him with all of my black little heart, but I didn't have to act on that hatred. It could just stay there and burn. Perhaps one day I would explode, but not that day. That was the decision I came to. It was an improvement at least. That was only one of many bad decisions that I was going to quickly come to regret.

"Hey, Genkai." I said as we arrived at the training room. I felt like it was blasphemy to go on my day off, but this was an emergency. I was literally becoming a fish out of water and puns do not sit well with me.

"Isn't it your day off?" She asked, I opened my mouth to answer her but that's when the resident asshole decided to answer my questions for me.

"We have a problem." He fumed, his voice was oddly calm; but it was that extreme calm that told me how incredibly angry he was. Perhaps he was a control freak and now that things were out of his control he got mad. That could explain his intense dislike of me. I was definitely out of his control.

He couldn't even threaten me correctly because whatever he did to me he did to himself. At least karma was working in both directions.

That was the only real bright side that I could see, otherwise it was just an abusive relationship. Obviously, I was the victim. I never tormented Hiei and I would never enjoy something so incredibly well-deserved.

What?

Right, so there was a problem at hand. I was transforming into a sea-creature, remember?

"I'm becoming a water-monster and Hiei is turning into a walking volcano, please explain." I inserted, elaborating on Hiei's bad description of our 'problem' (that was obviously a horrible disaster, have you seen how flammable Genkai's house is). Me and Hiei could be like a fire and a hose though; maybe it would work out.

I suddenly pictured someone picking me up and spraying my hair at a groaning miniature lava cone. It was bad and I immediately rejected all forms of that idea. That was just horrific. Yeah, no, that was not working for me.

"Is this true, Hiei?" Genkai asked and I began to feel like I was slowly fading out of existence. Hello? Could I take part in this conversation?

"It appears so." He answered tersely, and I could practically see his mood plummeting, and it wasn't particularly good in the first place!

"Angela, let me see your sword." She ordered, I cringed and almost hissed at her, but slowly gave up and unsheathed the sword, handing it to her grudgingly. She took it out of my hand with a straight face and I immediately reached out.

"No, wait-" She was then drenched with salt-water and I shrank away. "That's rigged…" I finished, then held out my hand and collected the water like I did with Hiei. She blinked and then shook her head, still looking a bit dumbstruck.

"Weren't you the one turning into a fish?" She asked, I blushed and looked to my feet. She turned to Hiei. "You too." She said, he stared at her and didn't twitch a muscle. "Unless of course you want to turn into a 'volcano' at random." He glared at her, but handed over the sword.

Nothing happened.

"Okay, re-" Then steam began to billow from both swords and they began to make a high-pitched whirring noise. "What happened to tempered steel?" I whined as Genkai dropped the swords and we all vacated the room.

The whirring turned into a scream and just as I got behind a corner there was a deafening explosion and fog enveloped the hall, making it hard to see for a solid twenty seconds.

"Is everyone okay?!" I yelled, listening for the affirmative. "Except Hiei, I know he's okay." I continued, because had he gotten hurt I would have known it.

"Fine." Came a cough a few feet to my left and I squinted through the thick steam even as it started evaporating.

"My fucking sword had better be fine." Hiei growled and my stomach clenched as I realized that my sword could have gotten destroyed.

Hiei still disagrees, but I claim that the idea scared me so badly that I beat him into that room that day. The only time I ever would have beaten him in a race. He begs to differ though, I will forever be his grandmother. She must have been a fast lady, that's all I can say. On the other hand in order to raise Hiei that would be the truth, it would help to explain his child-hood issues. I didn't know about those at the time though.

I didn't know anything about Hiei, but running into that room I began to gather some information.

The two swords lay on the floor, looking not broken, but shiny, even better then before. My mouth went slack as I saw elegance. There had always been a dragon imprinted on the leather, but it was different now. The long katana's hilt had become woven with dark, black thread in a beautiful pattern that would take extreme skill by hand. The dragon was no longer on it, but glowing out of the blade, bright orange and spewing fire to the tip.

I used water though. I flipped it over, horrified at the change. On the other side one line was written and as if by some strange twist of fate I read it aloud at the same time as Hiei.

"When the water calms everything will become clear." We read and I flinched visibly, the blade clattering to the floor. My head jerked to my left where the other shocked swordsman stood. His sword had been a shorter katana before, but it had lengthened and now fit his height better. His hand covered the grip, though I was pretty sure that it had stayed a solid black, but his had undergone a change as well.

Sliding down the length of the blade was a water spirit, glowing a fluctuating blue, just like the top of the ocean. I looked back at mine and realized that the orange was more like the colors of flickering flames. I glanced and him and he looked up at me, we both looked away.

I leaned down and picked up my sword, sliding it into its sheath. That had changed too, I realized. A dragon coiled around it and had its teeth around a red ruby embedded in the top. My eyes widened and I looked at his. A sea-creature, a mermaid, a water demon, was swimming up the length and held a glowing sapphire. I gasped and held up the gift almost reverently.

At first I had been disgusted, but this was a huge gift. You see, a wizard's sword is not made by hand, but by the magic of the user themselves. It is truly tied in with their spirit and holds, in essence, a piece of their soul. They had a mind of their own, they knew you better then you knew yourself. A true companion and only meant to be used by one holder.

It would be a dead sword, a hunk of metal, otherwise. The gem inside of it was a rare gift of the sword and something that no one could quite explain for the user. It was something to store energy in, something that was a well for magical power, but it was also a gift that would raise your power. The gem would not show itself unless a test was undertaken.

Suddenly the note on the back made sense to me.

"It's a warning." I said, the blood draining from my face. "Our swords are backwards to tell us something, but what? And why?" I wondered.

"I don't care." Hiei snarled after the silence and I jerked away, shaken. He brushed past me angrily and I reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

"Hiei! I can't do this alone! Whatever this is, we have to do it together!" I yelled, looking past my hatred. I could see that whatever had begun was already in motion, perhaps it had long been in motion. He disappeared from my gaze and I cursed at his stubbornness. "That asshole."

"I like to call that a sign, what do you think?" Genkai's voice commented and I looked over to find her sitting on a piece of rubble from the destroyed training room.

"Sorry about the room." I muttered and ran away, embarrassed that she had to see that moment of indecision on my part. I had to figure out what was going on and I had to figure it out fast, but how would I do that?

I ran down the hall and was relieved to recognize my surroundings. I needed to go to my room and change my clothes and then I needed to go do something. My brain whirred as I tried to figure out what was going on. I had nothing. I needed to have an output for all of my energy. I had to.

I'm not sure how things would have gone without some sort of intervention after that. Maybe I would have figured out the mystery and been ready, maybe I would have found what I was looking for, but I doubt it. A miracle fell right into my lap and I didn't even know it.

—

Sweat poured off of my face as I sprinted up the stairs. I saw the top, there it was. My entire brain was focused on this running in order to ignore the thoughts swirling around in my head. I leapt over the last step, but instead of skidding to a stop and starting back down I landed on a small, black-haired girl and we went tumbling head over heels until my momentum finally ran out and we both collapsed in a pile of limbs and aching skin.

"Sorry!" The girl squeaked and hurriedly got up, but instead of helping me up she stumbled backwards and got as far away from me as possible.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention." I said, rubbing a spot where my head had taken a solid hit against the ground. She murmured something in answer, but I couldn't hear because she had a very quiet, light voice. "Huh?" I asked, she glanced at me, but I couldn't see her face clearly.

"No, I heard you and should have moved…" She repeated, a blush creeping onto her ears.

My eyes widened, I recognized her!

"You're Eva! The girl who got me a glass of water!" I exclaimed, accidentally saying it. I hadn't meant to just blurt everything out like that, she seemed pretty jumpy and by the way that she wasn't speaking at all I figured that I had scared her. "Sorry… I was just surprised…" I said.

She looked up at me and I had to fight against flinching as a pair of intensely pale blue eyes looked at me, practically glowing in her skull. They were a sharp contrast to her inky black hair and pale skin and she looked almost unreal for a moment.

"It's fine, I'd… better go now…" She continued, and then she turned. I didn't stop her for a minute, but then I wanted to ask her a question and reached out.

"Wait! I need to ask you something!" I yelled, she stopped and turned around slowly.

"Yes?"

I realized that my yelling had scared her and shut my mouth, quieting down.

"Sorry, I just wanted to know why you came to this house…" I murmured a little bit more quietly. The girl swallowed visibly and glanced down at her feet. God, she was so tiny. I tried to guess at her age. Small, flat, barely having grown into her face, maybe fourteen then. Her expressions and actions boasted older then that though. I wondered what would have caused such a horrific change in someone so young.

Even I hadn't become a paranoid freak until I was sixteen, but perhaps her circumstances were different. Maybe she was a family member of Genkai's or something.

"Um, I was saved from a horrible place and brought here." She said and I could tell by her closed expression that I wasn't going to get anymore out of her.

"I was saved too." I said, trying to make her feel a little bit better. From what I'd seen, this place wasn't exactly bursting with friendly people, but I hadn't met many people either. She seemed interested in my answer and looked up at me.

"From what?" She asked, tilting her head. Aw, she was just too cute! I just wanted to hug her and make cooing noises! Okay, calm down, answer the question.

"Well, I almost died and they healed me." I said, leaving out the important details. It was a half-truth, I wasn't lying anyway. They did save me, although it was Hiei's fault in the first place. Well, mostly his fault.

"Oh." She murmured and her eyes flickered to my arm and then back to her feet. I almost smiled, she didn't seem to find the missing arm disturbing, more interesting. I didn't mind anyway, somehow I couldn't see her as a threat. Perhaps it was because she looked so innocent and cute, but I wasn't sure.

"Yes, the injury was the loss of my arm." I said and when she looked to me startled I began to wonder why she was staring. That's when I realized that I had unconsciously started crying. I looked down, shocked and silent. That was the first time I had ever spoken of my arm without feeling bitter or angry. I still didn't feel that way, I just sort of accepted the loss.

It was a surreal feeling and when I had it, I wanted to cling to it. I wanted to grab that feeling and bottle it because I didn't feel so heavy or sad, I felt like moving forward. I wanted to go to that tournament and prove that my arm wasn't going to keep me from winning.

"Are you okay?" Eva asked, her pale eyes looking worried. I sniffed and wiped my face, giving her a real smile.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I feel fine!" I said, she smiled and then I noticed the basket of food that she was carrying. "Oh, sorry, you were meaning to go somewhere!" I exclaimed, embarrassed. She jerked up, as if remembering and smiled apologetically.

"Oh, yes. You don't happen to know an 'Angela' do you? Genkai told me to bring her this." She gestured to the food and I smiled, both at the innocent question and at the thoughtful gift from Genkai.

"You've come to the right place, I am she." I said, grinning at the girl. Her face exploded into a deep red color and she smiled sheepishly before pushing the basket into my hands.

"I'm so sorry, I thought- Well, here." She stuttered out and then turned. "Bye, Angela." I chuckled at the response and shook my head.

"You're a friend, call me Angel." I said and she looked confused, but nodded and I waved and she skittered back into the house. "Bye!" I yelled, and she just hunched her shoulders and closed the door behind her. I laughed and shook my head before opening the food. Sandwiches, a drink, some snacks, I smiled as I went through it and then was surprised to find a note at the bottom. I pulled it out and unfolded the paper.

'To Angela,

Here's your lunch. When you're done eating (savor it) come to the outside dojo. Now that your sword has become released you can start practicing. Hopefully you had a good run because that was your warm-up.

Signed, Genkai'

My jaw dropped and I rolled onto my back with a groan. That woman was heartless!

—

After savoring my meal I retrieved my sword from where I hid it (it's hard to run with a sword strapped to your hip) and reattached it to my belt. I felt better with it on and stroked the new design lovingly. It really was beautiful even if I preferred what Hiei got. He probably preferred mine over his too, after all they were backwards, at least that was my assumption.

"I wonder what Genkai has in store for us…" I murmured to it and somehow I felt like I knew how it reacted. My sword had more emotions now, before I only knew if it was breaking and how much energy was stored inside the blade, now I could tell if it was happy or annoyed or trying to say something. It was like a friend in sword form, very odd.

Regardless of the abnormality-level I loved it, it had also made a change to being a left-handed sword. When I had realized that I nearly cried, but of course I would never actually do that. I guess that the change just told me that my soul still accepted me, even if it had gone under some changes.

'Changes' I scoffed to myself. I had warped my soul and now it was festering with Hiei's energy. My head jerked up and I thought about what had happened the day before. My brain was clicking along and suddenly I was in a much bigger hurry to reach Genkai. I nearly ran down the path to the outdoor dojo, in a hurry to ask her a question.

"Genkai!" I yelled when I saw her, she turned toward me, looking as annoyed as usual. "If, rhetorically, demon energy is mixed in with human energy, what happens?" I asked, clenching and unclenching my hand in a nervous habit. I used to open and close my sword, but I hadn't developed the habit on my left hand yet. Her serious gray eyes narrowed at me and I could tell that her brain went down the same path as mine.

"Well, I suppose that it would eventually become demon energy. It is stronger." She said. My heart dropped and I felt my stomach roll over. Oh God.

"Oh God." I whispered, feeling a lot less hopeful. "Then that means…" I trailed off, unable to get the words out past the lump in my throat.

"You're becoming a demon." She supplied and I shivered, feeling cold even in the warm afternoon sun. That transformation hadn't been a freak accident, it had been a warning. My spirit-energy, the energy that supplied my magic, had increased by getting my sword back and that increase had caused my body to begin warping.

The scales, the fins, it all made sense. I was mainly a water user, so it only stands to reason that I would turn into a water demon. But, honestly, remember what I said about it not being on my list of dreams to become a fish? That hadn't changed. A water demon was not a pleasant demon by any stretch of the imagination.

They are commonly known as mermaids and Disney was on crack when it wrote them as underwater half-human fish that longed for land. They were the single most unpleasant demon I had ever met with the exception of any demon that was insect related. I shuddered, I hated bugs. That was one of the first kind of demon that I had met and I nearly died by spidery-looking things dripping acid venom from its mouth. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life.

This was followed closely by mermaids, however. They are very pretty creatures, do not misunderstand. The elegance of the mermaid is hard to describe. Its like they're wearing flowing dresses and their figure is hard to make out, but their glowing blue eyes peak out from behind hair that is like silk. A voice that whispers to you. This is a lie though; when their slimy hands wrap around your throat and drag you off of your boat, kicking and screaming into the water, you see them as they really are.

All sharp teeth and sickly, green, slimy skin. Hair that it like seaweed and flowing fins that tie around your struggling body as you drown. They take a sadistic pleasure in your death.

I should know, that's what almost happened to me. I still remember water gurgling in my throat as I tried to get away. I remember struggling in the murky water and those eyes turned to a bright red, grinning down at me. I get to remember it often in my nightmares.

I shuddered and felt my lunch gurgling as I imagined becoming my nightmare.

"Is there any way to avoid it?" I asked quietly, unable to lift my gaze away from my toes.

"I don't know." She answered


	7. And Now I Think I See

The stupid human was bugging the shit out of me. When I had first met her she was irritating because of her perfect pride. Straight-faced, a fast talker and incredibly strong, she had almost turned into a full-on black wizard. Hell, she could have, but that same pride kept her from stooping so low to save her arm.

She accepted her loss with that same straight face and only the hatred in her eyes told me anything about how she felt.

I couldn't stand seeing her now.

She appeared to have lost that pride that made her interesting. She had been ruthless, following a code of conduct only she knew, and I could recognize that blood-thirst, that rigid set of rules, in myself. I respected her for that. She was a strong human. Stronger then I thought she could be.

I couldn't ignore Mukurou's orders when she ordered the punishment, though. The girl had never touched black-magic, you recognize those traces, but she was guilty by association. It wasn't my choice to disobey, but I had never been interested in doing so before that. I felt like a pawn, no longer strong, no longer my own. Watching that girl's pride turn brittle and collapse under the weight of her loss caused an odd emotion to flower in my gut.

I denied that it was guilt. I did not get guilty, I did not regret, the only emotions I had were anger and hatred, I had accepted that about myself; but when her deep blue eyes would flicker to mine, I rejected the possibility of there being an emotion.

She had this habit, though. I don't even think that she realized that she did it, but the dumb blond had this habit that was annoying as fuck. I was aware of it, every second of it, and it made my blood boil. She would twitch her shoulder to do something, swallow, rub her arm, roll her shoulder and then switch to the other hand. It was maddening. I ignored it, though.

I ignored all of her angered glances at me, the hatred that burned in her eyes, her frustration with her arm, I ignored it. So many people had done the same thing that it bounced off of me. That was until I noticed her twitch her arm to do something and then she just stopped. Not a moment passed where she was actually frozen, she just reached out the other arm and her shoulder stopped moving at all. It just hung there.

Worrying is a bad word, I did not worry. I was mildly interested in the reason behind her stopping, I did not feel guilty. But her eyes went dead, they lost that twinkle and that fire, they lost their life. Her expressions went dull, she stopped talking, her body going still. I stopped feeling her emotions break and ebb in the back of my head. I unconsciously started avoiding her.

I didn't even want to look at her. She followed through with everything mindlessly, even when she chucked a sword at me, even when I had to heal her foot, even when she got her sword and the fear startled me enough to go find her, thinking that she was dying. Even when she realized she was becoming a demon. She just took it and took it and took it. At least she lashed out at first.

Even worse was the newfound connection to her thoughts. I had to hear everything that went through her head and you would think that it would be good blackmail, that she would be my pawn. I had never been interested in controlling people though and I didn't want to hear her dictating herself around, reminding herself to just get through the next day.

I thought that she would grow out of it, but she wasn't. She was dying inside. I told myself that I didn't care. I blinded myself to her. I didn't want to feel her hatred of me firsthand. It burned like an open wound, a raging fire that wouldn't be quenched. It scorched through everything and I pretended that it wasn't my fault.

It wasn't until I heard her screaming that I looked past it even for a moment.

—

The realization that I was becoming a demon was the end. I had spent such a long time with a single-minded fixation on killing them that the difference had grown into a hatred. I saw demons as my prey and nothing more. Perhaps it was that I had a fear of some and I hated fear because it meant weakness.

Weakness was unacceptable. Crying, co-dependence, wants, needs, I wanted to be better then human. Or at least, I had once wanted that. Now it was a struggle to get up in the morning. It was a struggle to open my eyes and face the next day where I was no longer my own person, where I no longer controlled my life, where I was no longer strong.

I no longer held the essence of myself. I was stuck with a man I hated, with a sword I could barely use, with magic that was drained and with emotions I couldn't control. It got more and more difficult to wake up in the morning. It was a chore to eat food, to drink water, to breathe. Living turned into a meticulous fog. The only time I awoke was to train.

I trained to enter that tournament, but I trained for an even bigger reason. The one fire that I continued stoking, that kept me going, was my unbridled, unfounded hatred of Hiei. I trained to kill him. I would kill myself, but I decided that it didn't matter. I had come to the conclusion that life wasn't worth living like this. I was going to murder Hiei and consequently destroy myself.

What was I implying? I wasn't even human anymore, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Only the kill mattered. Only that moment when the life left his eyes would it matter.

If there was ever a time when I was afraid of myself it was then.

This training went on for months, this style of life, and everyday I woke up more certain of killing him. Everyday I woke up less human, physically and mentally. I was becoming the demon that I hated without even trying to go the other way. Learning about becoming a demon was the last straw. If I could never be human then why not go all the way.

I was already going to hell anyway, right? I should kill him before going.

This echoing thought was the only pounding rhythm. I could tell you all about becoming strong again, I could tell you about my dreams of fire that pounded through my head, I could describe to you how I went through every possible way to kill the demon that tormented my thoughts, I could explain to you how just looking at him made me physically ill, but I won't. If you have ever hated someone, truly hated them, you will know what I mean.

If you haven't, you can't even imagine it.

—

I was on a walk in the forest surrounding Genkai's house. Don't ask me why; I just felt like it, I guess. It was beautiful out. In the last few months the weather had slowly grown warm and it was almost the end of spring. I had been at Genkai's house for four and a half months and this was the first time I had even wanted to venture away on my own.

Usually I just explore her house if I don't want to train. That's so rare that I still hadn't made it all the way through her house. Today I wanted to go outside though, because it was cool out and the night was pretty. It was starting to stay light out later on in the day so I thought it was a good time for a walk.

No one had the decency to warn me that it was dangerous though. I brought my sword, as I now always did. I brought it everywhere, just as I had before. I even slept with my sword. For a mere moment I had imagined that I could live a normal life, stay in human world, get a job, maybe even grow to like Hiei.

I was wrong. I hated him and I always would, I was not interested in settling down and my only attachment was to my sword. There was no thin line across the blade to remind me that I was not unbeatable anymore. Four months wasn't going to make up for six years, but my brain forgot about that.

I thought that because I had learned on one arm then the other would just know. Well, I was mistaken.

"Tassssty human, what bringsss you to my foresssst?" A voice hissed, a slithering sound reaching my ears. I spun around, my sword nearly transporting to my hand.

"I'm just walking." I said, listening for where the sound was coming from. More slithering, it was all around me, but I continued, headstrong and certain of myself. I had made it out of impossible situations before and this was no different. I was certain that they would be weak demons, why else would they stay in Genkai's forest.

"Jussst walking sssshe sssayssss." It hissed oddly and I was surrounded by that similar coughing hiss. I realized that I was being laughed at. My energy flared and I didn't even notice the prickling on my arm and legs until it hurt. I glanced down, seeing scales layering my arm and webbing on my fingers and toes, it was getting difficult to stand. I choked on a yelp of surprise, horrified and fascinated at the change.

Bad move, the demons that looked sort of like snakes leapt from the underbrush. They were huge and numerous and I was overwhelmed in a moment, the sword slipping out of my slimy fingers. It wasn't until fangs sank into my shoulder that a pained screech erupted from my lips. My shoulder hurt, but I ripped it away, ignoring the fresh burst of pain and rolled back to my blade.

I couldn't pick it up. It was then in the dark, surrounded by giant snakes that I remembered that I was human and that this would kill me. I wasn't as immune to fear as I thought. Another scream burst from my lips, but fangs clamped around my throat and cut it off abruptly.

It then hit me that I was actually going to die and it didn't look so appetizing anymore.

My heart froze into place and I could see those fangs flipping out to slit open my throat. Time felt slow, like I could see every gleam, and yet it happened too fast for me to do anything about it. I was going to die. Simple as that.

I regretted my choice. That screaming in the back of my head broke through the blockage and I knew. I knew that what I had been doing was wrong. I was terrified. This demon was going to kill me and I could see its malicious grin. Had that been how I looked? Was I just as heartless and bloodthirsty as the species I despised?

"Get off me!" I screamed, my awareness suddenly filling me with energy. I struggled, punching the side of my attacker's face. Venom burned the ground next to head and I wriggled, trying to get away from it. Just one arm wasn't enough though. I had to hold away its face while pushing myself up and you needed two arms for that.

I hated myself. It was my fault. This situation wouldn't have happened if I had just listened. You would think that military school would have taught me that, but following orders was different then listening to authority to me. I didn't feel that way now. I hated myself for my incapability to take care of myself. I hated myself for following a group I knew wasn't any good. I hated myself for hating myself.

I cried out as the monster's weight crushed my ribcage. It was so heavy I thought that I was going to implode and it was readying for its next bite. My shoulders were locked down and the next cry was out of fear and pain. I couldn't move! I had overestimated my own ability and now I had gotten myself into some deep shit.

"Sssshe criesssss nicccely." It hissed, sounding very amused and my face blanched as fangs dug into my injured shoulder. I screamed, long and loud, before choking off into a gurgle, having no more air. That coughing hiss sounded all around me but now it felt like it was echoing, my brain going in and out of focus. I couldn't seem to see very clearly.

The weight lifted off of me and I tried to crawl away, not able to realize that it was what the abomination wanted. Was I ever so pointlessly cruel? I could remember doing the same thing, laughing as the broken demon tried to get away when it should have known that it was pointless. Anger burned within me and I used a spell I never thought that I would use.

"Fuego." I growled against the ground, my face pressed against the leaves. My body burst into flame and all I could remember was spewing fire everywhere, lighting up the entire place. The hissing and knowing that I was draining what little strength I had left. They were going to die, not me, them. I didn't even realize that I was laughing until the blaze died off and I collapsed into the ground, my body shaking with laughter. I was becoming a monster that was much worse then any demon.

Or had I already been one?

—

I arrived to see the blonde collapse face-first into the ground and to see the fire surrounding everything die out of existence. She was surrounded by demons, very poisonous demons, and I could tell by the intense burning in my arms that she had not gotten out unscathed. I told myself that I was only helping because if I died then she died.

Caring was for the weak humans, not for a demon. A demon only lived for the kill. My heart lurched as her thoughts went still and I kept on telling myself that. But there was doubt, was I wrong?

"Delisssssciousssss…" Anger burned deep in my gut as they looked at her as food. I didn't care, I didn't care, it became a mantra as I tried to ignore the hatred of them for undermining her. She was strong, but I had to shake off the thoughts. I didn't care.

My patience had never been renowned, though, and I hurtled toward the irritating demons, killing them before they even knew what hit them. Perhaps it wouldn't have been quite so easy was it daytime and I hadn't surprised them, but they were D-class demons, tops. I would have made short work of them.

I was wiping the last of the blood off of my blade when a hissing sounded from behind my back. I spun around to finish it off, but a glowing orange blade sprouted from between its eyes and it fell forward, dead. My shoulder burned horribly, but I gotten hurt enough times to ignore pain. I looked up, shocked, as she leaned heavily against her empty stump. That did hurt.

She rolled over with a jumpy breath, taking the pressure off of her arm. I appeared over her and she looked up at me with a satisfied smirk.

"Got it." She breathed and then closed her eyes, going limp. I looked away from her, unwilling to inspect her for very long. She was a woman. I had grown bored of them long before her, but I didn't like the emotions that she stirred. It was irritating. I smirked slightly while ripping her sword out of the snake demon's head and re-sheathing it though. At least I wasn't stuck with a damsel.

After a long moment I picked her up and began sprinting back toward the house. It didn't take particularly long, but by the time I was there she looked green and pale and was burning up. Her condition was like a phantom skin over me and I had known it was bad. In the light back in her room it looked worse.

Blood was dried onto her shoulders and a dark, black bruise was forming around her neck. Her stump was darkened with venom that coursed its way up her neck. I dropped her onto her bed and tore off my bandana in a hurry. Kurama and Yukina's thoughts connected to mine and the woman's pain became a whole lot more unbearable at the same time.

'_Come. Now._' I sent telepathically, the thought imbued with her image. I heard the affirmative and then focused on a healing spell. I wasn't good at those. Yukina was the talented one, followed closely by Kurama. I knew enough to mend some things, but not much.

I held off the poison until the other two arrived and took over, working hard to fix everything. Genkai came with them and the room became a hive of activity. I didn't leave though. I surprised myself. I leaned in the corner and stayed out of the way, completely unhelpful, but I did stay. Hours later after I was half in a doze the frenzy finally stopped.

All three of them looked exhausted. I stood fluidly, blinking.

"She's fine. She's just resting." Kurama said, smiling knowingly at me. I scowled and looked away. I didn't care. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to die halfway through the night.

"Hn." I answered, unwilling to admit that he was right. Stupid fox, he gets under my skin. They left the room and Kurama glanced back.

"She's not done just yet." He murmured and then closed the door behind him. I stared at it for awhile, trying to understand the meaning behind the cryptic words, but the intent was clear. He was trying to explain something to me. I just had to figure it out.

I walked over and looked down at the sleeping human. She grimaced even in her sleep, worry wrinkling her forehead. A deep breath later and her eyes opened halfway, looking hazy and tired.

"Hiei." She said. I was surprised to hear my name, she hadn't spoken to me in months, not that I cared.

"Hn."

"Thanks." She said, her voice somewhat hoarse. I blinked, showing my shock. She smirked tiredly. "And I'm sorry." She coughed out, then turned over and went back to sleep. I stared at her for a few minutes, trying to wrap my brain around the words and eventually tensed.

"Damn woman." I cursed and nearly fled the room.

—

Ow. What was it about waking up and being in pain that had become a habit for me?

"Good morning, sleeping beauty!" A chipper voice said, laughing. I groaned and slowly opened my eyes, looking up to see that woman from the day I originally came here. The girl with the candy hair and eyes. Seriously, her eyes were a funny pink flavored purple and her hair looked like it belonged on a willy-wonka commercial.

"Your name's… Botan, right?" I asked, my memory for names was actually quite decent. I also remembered upsetting her quite badly, but I wasn't going to apologize. She was a drama queen.

"Why, yes! I'm so glad you remembered!" She exclaimed. I stared at her silently, wishing that she would lower her voice, and then finally took a deep breath and sat up slowly, despite her orders that I lie back down.

"Woman, I'm a wizard. We heal fast, I'm fine." I said, nearly rolling my eyes. Her mouth dropped into a silent 'oh', but my relief at her silence was broken in only a few moments.

"Well, I bet you're hungry!" She exclaimed, actually the thought of food made me sick, but I rubbed my stomach ruefully. "Breakfast is ready, we'll be just in time!" She said, clapping, I fake-smiled and nodded, my head pounding.

Yay! I got out of bed, a little bit shaky, and she tried to help me but I waved her off and picked up my sword from my bed-side and used it as a crutch of sorts. We took off down the hall as I grimaced at the thought of meeting more of these chipper people.

Oh God, I was turning into Hiei.

Botan was a motormouth. Seriously, she hadn't shut up the entire walk to the dining room and that was not an insignificant stroll. Albeit, I wasn't moving too quickly, but still. That girl needed to shut up. My head pounded painfully and I felt weighed down by guilt. Guilt has to be the heaviest emotion on the planet. When you're guilty about something you just want to melt to the floor and hide your face.

Its intensely unpleasant, irritating and you really don't want to deal with it. I tried to shove my guilt away, but apparently everyone has a breaking point and after four months of stuffing my hatred I couldn't deal with it anymore. My pride was already broken, I felt like I was going to become a puddle on the floor. Salt water that would never find the sea.

Or maybe there was so much stuff that I had to deal with that I would become a sea. A sea of regret, pain, guilt and anger. The sea would probably boil if that was the case. It would be red with the blood of every demon that I had killed. No, then it would be black. Demons have black blood, but there could be no blacker substance then my own heart.

Even I could see that. Before I had believed, truly believed, that I was doing the right things. I was disobeying authority because they didn't understand, my arm disappeared because no one would listen to me, it was all Hiei's fault and all the council's fault because they didn't understand and they didn't care.

I was wrong. When I had looked up, Hiei didn't look like some distant, cold monster. He had his pride too, he didn't listen to orders because he wanted to. I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that the worst moment of my life was entirely my own fault. I had caused it all by myself and that was not something that I wanted to believe.

I wanted so badly to hate him, but looking up that night, the night before, opening my eyes after those hours of healing, he was there. He had stayed and he most definitely did not need to. He knew exactly how I felt because he could feel whatever I was feeling, whether it be pain or pleasure and the same worked the other way around.

I could feel him and he could feel me. He didn't need to stay to see if I was alright, he would already know. He stayed anyway and that meant that in some twisted way he cared. I couldn't look up to see him checking on me and not see the worry in his eyes. It was hidden, he was rejecting it, but it was there I saw his worry and now I couldn't unsee it.

I wanted to, God did I want to, because the last thing that I wanted to do was face my inner demons. I had enough surrounding me as it was. My arm was healed, the people who had helped me were incredibly talented and I wanted to thank them. I honestly appreciated the fact that they cared even though it was my own stupidity that had caused it.

Again, I had gotten serious injuries because I was incapable of thinking ahead. I looked to my right shoulder, saw that empty space, and knew that I wouldn't ever forget again. I would never imagine that I was unbeatable. My right arm wasn't there because I was human. That weight dropped on me, no, I wasn't. Not anymore. I swallowed hard and that guilt came back.

Now that I was becoming a demon it was hard to believe that they didn't feel anything. I might be a monster, no, I was a monster, but I felt. I had emotion.

I was probably more of a monster.

"Botan?" I murmured. She looked startled and I realized that I had cut her off mid-sentence. She didn't seem the slightest bit perturbed though, people probably did so often.

"Yes?" She asked, looking curious as to why I would suddenly be interested in striking up actual conversation. I looked to my left listlessly and then asked in a detached voice.

"Have you ever been so guilty that you don't how to deal with it?" I asked quietly, trying to keep my feelings out of the question. I could feel my voice getting hoarse and I kept on telling myself 'don't cry, don't cry, don't cry', but the tingling in the back of my nose told me that I was probably going to.

She paused, seemingly surprised by the question, but her footsteps came to a halt. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and she seemed very far away from me at that moment. Her eyes were unfocused and she seemed to be remembering something. I started to think that she wasn't going to answer and opened my mouth to take back the question, but surprisingly she did.

"Yes." She said, her voice small.

I was taken aback by how serious she was. I somehow expected her to wave off the question and smile like she always did. I never imagined her having any regrets because she was always so happy.

"What happened?" I asked after I was certain that my voice was working correctly.

"A very long time ago I said something I didn't mean and pushed away my only… happiness." She said, and was quiet. I wondered how much of that happy face was an act. A moment later it was like she realized what she had said and shook her head, blinking. "But that was a long time ago!" She said, voice back to normal.

We resumed walking, but I felt like something in our relationship had shifted. I felt like I understood why she always acted so happy. It was her way of dealing with her guilt. I wasn't sure what I thought of it, but I knew that after getting some of that off of my chest I was much hungrier


	8. What They Meant

I don't normally eat breakfast. On the other hand, I don't normally sleep either. Sleep is for the weak. So when thoughts drifted into my head from someone waking up I was surprised to find myself wandering back to the main house. Shut up, I did not want to know how that stupid blond was doing. I didn't. She was annoying and if it was up to me I would have nothing to do with her at all.

It was easier to go to my training ground though. After that episode with the swords I had been able to go further away without any side effects. I did notice that the closer I was the clearer her thoughts were though. Somehow I managed to meander all the way back until I was outside of the sliding door to the dining room. Voices issued from the inside and it was at that point that I realized that I there were a lot of people inside. Did I really want to deal with the band of idiots this morning?

I had forgotten that they were going to show up today. The whole group comes to Genkai's house to visit once every month otherwise most of us would never see one another. We would end up going our separate ways and growing apart. Yuusuke was settling down in human world, Kurama was the CEO of a business (are you surprised) and Kuwabara was doing whatever idiots do with their daily life.

I think that he was trying to grow the balls to ask if he could marry Yukina. Yeah, sure he could, after the sky turned purple. That was just unacceptable, there was no way that I was ever going to accept that. No, he could not marry my sister. She was my sister (not that she knew) and he was a buffoon. She deserved far better then that dumb monkey. And he called himself a man. I scoffed, he was anything but. He hadn't even tried to bring up the subject with me yet, though I would probably make a true attempt on his life if he did so, but if he really loved my sister he would do it anyway. The scary part is that he probably eventually would. Crazy fucker.

I pursed my lips as the dumb woman imagined how good the food would taste and my stomach growled. She woke up my hunger and I sort of wanted to go in. I disliked everyone, but… Screw it. I opened the door and appeared in a corner faster then the human eye could see. I knew that most of the people in the room saw though. Kurama nodded at me, Yukina smiled, Yuusuke grinned, Genkai raised her eyebrow… Kuwabara, that dumb shit didn't notice, not that I expected him to. How annoying, I really didn't want to deal with this.

The door opened and I found my line of thought stopping. She looked a lot better. Tired, a little shaky, but when she looked around that fire had returned. It was a bit dull, but I saw it and the relief I felt caused me to shake my head, annoyed, confused, tired. Perhaps I should have thought about sleeping instead of training. I was now too close to the end of my rope and my head hurt. I didn't know if I could deal with all of this crap so early in the morning.

That was, until she looked at me. I'm not going to spout some sick, romantic shit about how her eyes were like stars, its just that instead of passing over me with a stony, hateful look her eyes stopped on me for a moment and softened. I remembered her words from the night before and how I was certain that it was just her loopy, tired mind speaking.

That look spoke otherwise and I swallowed, looking away. I will admit that the chick wasn't hard on the eyes and that she was a lot like me, but that didn't mean that I was going to want her like some dumb teenager. I was over a hundred years old, I had grown out of that a long time ago.

'Sure you did.' My mind commented. I growled under my breath, and turned to leave.

"I didn't think you'd be here." Her voice said, closer then I thought it would be. I stiffened and turned to find Angel only a few feet away; no, the dumb blond. She was only a dumb blond, only a dumb blond, I didn't care, I didn't care, I didn't-"I truly am, uh, sorry."

Fuck.

—

I ran a hand through my hair as I once again found myself frustrated by my book. I didn't understand half of what was going on because although I liked reading I was not the smartest cookie in the bunch. I had a photographic memory and I was all right at the stuff you learned in school, but I'd had such a shaky set of school years that I wasn't very good at any of it.

Math was my strong point, numbers made sense to me, but trying to reach conclusions about books or other nonsense confused me. I also didn't like science because of all the dumb variables that everything had. Why couldn't there just be one answer, you know?

Anyway, the book I was reading was about higher level math (why I decided to read it, I don't know) and it had stopped making sense to me after the first ten pages. I was meaning to ask Genkai if she might be able to help some, but I wasn't going to lower myself to the level of asking for help. My breaking-of-pride quota was full for the next month after saying… sorry to Hiei.

I literally thought that I was going to hurl doing so, but something told me that my antagonistic hatred of him was obvious. Ha. Ha. He looked so shocked that it was worth it in the end (it did make me a bit happy to see him so put off), but I still felt sick. Not sick because I had wanted to apologize, although I hate apologizing because it implies that you were wrong, but sick because of how blind I was.

I sighed and dropped my face onto my book, my head spinning. I was confused about my change of heart, confused about how I felt about Hiei, and especially confused about this lengthy explanation of calculus. I was a perfectionist and had this thing about wanting to do everything perfectly (what did Genkai call it? A perfection complex?), but this was taxing my brain to its fullest.

I finally snapped the book shut and got up, stretching my sleeping legs. Perhaps I could go and wander around until I found someone to chat with. Now that I wasn't so filled with unbridled hatred (though it flared up often) I felt lighter and more amiable. Unlike one antisocial asshole that I know, I actually didn't mind chatting with people sometimes. Technically it was my day off of training, but perhaps a little bit more practice wouldn't hurt. After my 'episode' a week ago Genkai and I had spent most of my training time figuring out how to control my lapse into becoming a mermaid.

I shuddered and my stomach flip-flopped. I was slowly coming to terms with my fate, having seen the human and demon species in a new light, but I still held an intense fear of those… Water things. Genkai, the crazy bitch, wanted to see if we could use the transformation to my advantage, but when I finally tried I ended up hyperventilating and nearly having a heart attack.

What can I say? My fears don't just disappear when I want them too. I was actually under the impression that my own hair was going to strangle me. That thought is funny now, but it wasn't funny then.

Anyway, I wandered down the hallways and headed toward the outdoor training area. If you're curious, the inner training area did get fixed. She had some contractors come in and they made it look spiffy. I still remember her making me clean the entire thing spotless the old-fashioned way. On my hands and knees with a rag. I don't know what she made Hiei do, but I'm not entirely certain that I want to know, if you understand where I'm coming from.

She wasn't letting me use it though, saying that the outdoors was good for me. Good for me, hah. That old hag was such a mother, I was outside plenty. Okay, so I had only gone outside on my own volition once in the six months I had been there, but that wasn't important. I got plenty of fresh air. Finally I emerged onto the large concrete courtyard and found myself surprised by two people who were obviously sparring.

They were two people I had met the week before when I had decided to show at breakfast (where I had nearly chickened out of apologizing to Hiei. Didn't my half-asleep sigh count?). What were their names again? There was the obnoxious one with black hair that was slicked back in a really weird fashion who kept on flirting with this brown-haired woman named Keiko. That was Yuusuke. The other was the loud idiot with the incredibly dumb looking hair that obviously adored Yukina (one of my saviors). Right, that was Kuwabara.

He looked like a carrot, seriously. I snorted at the thought of him being with Yukina. Yeah, I had only met her for a short time, but for her skill, quiet voice and kind nature I had already decided that I liked her. It would take some proof for me to like that relationship. Given, I could not see her very clearly, so I only remember her with a blurry recall, but she had been a looker if my memory served me correctly. Yeah, I was interested in seeing how that all panned out.

But besides obvious issues with acting like adults I couldn't scoff at their strength. The two were obviously brawling (probably about something dumb if their first impression was any cue) and they still had great form and tactics. I had pegged the two as the throw-fist-think-later types, but perhaps they actually had brains. I watched from my spot by the sliding door as the two spun around and pulled punches, leaping high into the air before returning to the ground. They were talented, I could give them that.

They were also abnormally strong. I sighed and tilted my head. Kuwabara and Yuusuke… Where had I heard those names mentioned? They rang a bell, they really did, and I looked at them both. Suddenly it hit me. Yuusuke, that was the guy who created the tournament in demon world! I looked at him again, no, there was no way.

"We have an admirer, Kuwabara!" He suddenly yelled and I jumped, realizing that he had seen me. "Five bucks she was watching me!" He said, Kuwabara squawked indignantly and took him up on the bet. I should my head, but came out from behind the door. Yeah, he couldn't be the same person. He was too young and stupid.

"I was just watching, you guys are good." I said, immediately throwing up that front I usually had around men. If you acted like one they stopped looking at you like a girl. Okay, they did most of the time. Not that I couldn't use my charms when I needed to, but I preferred not to. I was perfectly willing, use whatever is in your arsenal, as I always say. If you're going to do it, do it well and always cheat. This included biting, fingernails, throwing sand and breaking the rules when I thought I could get away with it.

What? You don't make it far in the world as a naive child. As my favorite movie character once said 'you just need the proper leverage'.

"Why thank you, Yuusuke Urameshi at your service." The black-haired, tall man said with a sweeping bow, grinning at me mischievously. With a clearer look he was actually quite attractive, holding a bad-boy quality that most girls swooned at. He wasn't my type, though I usually liked bad-boys. What can I say? They were more interesting.

My brain short-circuited at his full name.

"Of course, you can't be the legendary creator of the demon tournament." I said, smiling, but my palms became clammy. He blinked and looked at Kuwabara who looked equally as surprised.

"Well, uh, yeah…" He said, scratching the back of his head with a laugh. "Though, why would a lady like you be interested in that?" He asked, obviously not taking me seriously. I tapped my hip, realizing that my sword was not on me, and almost scowled at him, but decided on a smile that was too sickly sweet to be real.

"I am all too interested in winning." I said, my voice dripping with saccharine to hide my irritation at his assumption of weakness due to my gender. That was annoying. Don't get me wrong though, it's a great thing to be a girl when your opponent underestimates you and then gets his (or her) ass kicked. Girls always look down on other girls. It's a weird trait that women have. We act nice, but are often the most catty, hateful people you could ever meet.

I know from personal experience, even though I was more man then most girls (and some men).

Anyway, it was quite amusing to see their expressions change to one of shock and surprise. Then Yuusuke cracked a devilish grin.

"Well, let's see what you can do then." He said, basically challenging me to a fight. Kuwabara looked stricken.

"What, you can't fight a girl!" He said and I narrowed my eyes slightly. At first I was thinking about turning him down because Yuusuke was a big-league fighter. I don't normally screw with people I can't beat, but that comment did me in. I batted my eyelashes at him.

"Oh, its okay. He's just a big bully, I'll put him back in his place." I said with a placid smile. I wasn't aware that we were attracting a rather large crowd though. The people in the house were gathering to watch the battle between the new girl and the big guy. I would watch too, I loved fighting, especially truly talented fighting. Watching people who really knew what they were doing was exciting and every once in a while blood made a little bit tingly.

Wow, I really was more demon then human.

"Sounds like a date." He said and Kuwabara, with much muttering and worried glances in my direction, moved off of the field. "Hey, Kuwabara, you be referee."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't like this though." He said, seemingly fuming. I rolled my eyes slightly. I wasn't some damsel in distress, I needed to blow some steam, a good fight would help a lot. Who knows, I might even be willing to let Hiei get within ten feet of me.

Okay, that might be pushing it.

"So, what are the rules?" I asked, tying up my hair correctly (hair can be a big problem, I never have it down while fighting).

"No holds barred, no use of spirit energy, the first to admit defeat or become incapacitated loses." He said, rattling off a given list of rules. Perfect, that was my kind of fight. A good, old-fashioned brawl where I knock him senseless. That was my kind of fight. Though, I didn't know if I could hit hard enough with my left arm to hurt someone with as much magical power as Yuusuke.

You see, magical power makes your body stronger as well as your magic. If you have a ton of energy backing you up it can be incredibly difficult to get past your defenses. Not because you're any faster or stronger, but just because your body's tolerance for pain is so much higher. Its kind of hard to explain.

"Sounds good to me." I said, finding it difficult to keep my grin from my face. Here I was, certain that my life was over and I was fighting one of my biggest idols. Score one for the blond chick.

We both stood opposite of each other and I was sure that I could work this fight, arm or no arm. I might not have my katana, but that did not make me weak.

"Ready…" Kuwabara began and we both slid into more comfortable positions. "And…" Okay, did he really have to dra- "Go!" He yelled.

I did what I always did, I motioned to do something awesome and dumb, making the other person jump, and then just crouched down while they tried to block or punch or whatever they planned on doing. Yuusuke tried to take a hit at my face. Well, at least he wasn't holding back.

By the time he was there I was gone and moving to slip between his legs and put him on the ground, but he grabbed my one arm and dragged me upward. I twisted my arm from his iron grip, but not quick enough. His other hand barreled into my bad shoulder and I froze up.

I didn't try to avoid it, I didn't move to grab it, I just stared in horror as my shoulder jerked backwards. All I saw were gleaming fangs. Stars exploded across my vision as his fist connected with my shoulder and I was sent tumbling across the cement field, skidding painfully against the ground. When I finally came to a stop, legs flopping limply, I groaned. I was hurting, that was for sure. My face stung and I ran my thumb across it, wincing at the blood. Road rash. That would hurt in the shower.

My shoulder screamed feedback and I grimaced, grabbing it while slowly coming to my feet. I should have known. I should have known how much of a weak spot that was. I should have expected that Yuusuke would exploit it. As he said, no holds barred.

Surprisingly enough he let me get up without much of a hassle, which I was grateful for, and when I finally managed to come to my feet I immediately raced at him. He looked surprised, but I wasn't taking any chances. I wanted to get at least one hit in on him that day, because I got the feeling that I was going to get my butt handed to me. I slid in the last two inches and managed to tap my knuckles against his throat before he went for my neck. Somehow I saw it coming and managed to avoid the grab, aiming to kick him in the side while his arm had moved.

Luck was not in my favor. Yuusuke grabbed my leg and twisted it harshly, sending me stumbling away with a pained gasp. I hadn't even tried to avoid it, again I had frozen up at the last second. I was confused about what was happening to me when it suddenly hit me what was going on. Going through that fight the week before with those demons might have reminded me that I was not invincible, but it had invited in a much darker foe.

My fear that I could no longer fight had reared its ugly head and I froze up at every crucial moment, finding myself unable to correctly follow through on moves that were branded into my head. I knew them and yet I couldn't seem to do them without hesitating and agonizing over the fear that I was going to fail. It was plaguing me and I couldn't afford to deal with it at that moment. I needed to at least prove myself to be a fair fighter, a decent one at the very least. If I failed here then I lost any respect from the people watching.

This was a group that was very famous and now that I had realized who they were I was intent on earning their favor. I nearly idolized Yuusuke himself and Kuawabara was fairly well-known to me as well. Hiei and Kurama were famous on their own, but now I felt like a complete ditz for not making the connection between them and the rest of the group. They were all known to be good friends. Wow, and here I thought that I was fairly intuitive and smart. Apparently, I was actually an idiot.

I stumbled and this time Yuusuke did not give me a chance to recover, throwing me across the cement once again. I felt a haze settle over my thoughts. That, that right there, a little bit of ruthless was just what I had needed to snap me out of my incapability and doubts. Everything began to look sort of red and a freaky laugh echoed out over the fighting ground. I nearly transported forward as the crazed half of my brain sort of took over, sending me spinning around, dodging, throwing shots, avoiding holds. I never got another shot in on Yuusuke, but I gave him a fairly decent run for his money because he couldn't get a solid shot in on me either.

"Ready to give up?" I asked, feeling a little bit tired. Okay, a lot tired. My breath was coming in gasps, but Yuusuke looked to be in a similar position. No matter what people say, fighting is one of the most strenuous forms of exercise.

"Not at all. What? You tired?" He asked, looking at me before pushing some of his black hair out of his deep brown eyes. They twinkled, he was obviously having fun.

"Of course not." I said and straightened up, looking him square in the eyes with a cocky smirk. I didn't feel quite as strong as all that, but that was okay, a little bravado didn't always hurt. For a mere second I imagined letting his next hit throw me and then looking weak and hurt, making him worry, before using that to my advantage and therefore perhaps even winning, but I couldn't look past my pride to do so.

I really wanted this group to like me. Something told me that using underhanded tactics like that would not win me any compliments or praise. I shook off the thought. I would just have to stick it out the old-fashioned way. I would have to fight him and hope that he stuttered and maybe I would get in a lucky hit. I rolled from the ground and sprang up from underneath him, hoping that I might catch the man's chin in a successful uppercut. Sadly, it didn't go as planned and we returned to the ebb and flow of our battle.

A fist passed dangerously close to my nose before I rolled away, springing back up agilely.

"That the best you got?!" I yelled breathlessly, sprinting in a semicircle. He smirked, turning to follow me, but I could see the red in his cheeks. I was not the only one getting fairly tired. We had been going at it for probably almost ten minutes. That was a long time when all you had were your fists and your legs.

"I got plenty more where that came from!" He yelled between huffed breaths. I didn't. He definitely did. He probably had plenty more, but I was out. Before now I had been pretty talented, but he was a monster on another level. Not only was I without my dominant arm, but I was also crippled without my sword. Most fist fights that I had been involved in had been with thugs who didn't know what they were doing.

I also had two hands, magic, and a brain during those times. They were not difficult opponents. Hell, a few months before I would not have found those snake demons to be difficult opponents either, but look where my courage got me. They kicked my ass to the curb. I nearly died because of my stupidity involving venom and the dumb, asshole guy that saved me. In my defense, I was loopy and half-way dead from the poison.

Alright, shaky excuse, I admit that, but please cut me some slack, I was having a hard enough time coming to terms with Hiei. The guy confused me and I was confused about how I felt about him. It was hate, then it was guilt, then it was respect, then it was something else that I wasn't sure I understood and - Gah! He just stressed me out.

I threw the last of my energy into the fight, throwing everything I had, all of those pent up feelings blew into the battle, but Yuusuke got the last laugh. I was out of steam and he finally decked me right in the neck, causing my vision to blur and darken. I lost by incapacitation, but I held up against one of the leader's of demon world for a fairly long period of time. I was proud and as he grinned down at me I felt a calm take over.

Now, with all of my frustration and confusion blown off, I was ready for a night of decent sleep


	9. I Wanted A New Beginning

I felt oddly peaceful when I awoke. This was an odd feeling, really. Even with Genkai yelling in my face, even sprinting around, even sparring, I was too calm for any emotion to show on my face. I felt… Detached. Not like some sort of out-of-body experience, nothing that weird, just a neutrality within myself. It's kind of like the feeling you have while floating in water that is the perfect temperature and it raining and you're just drifting around. It's a nice feeling. I wasn't happy, that's not really the best word for it, I was pondering.

I had come to terms with my arm, I had come to terms with Hiei and I had come to terms with my weakness. All of that strife was standing in a place where it could slide back into the realm of hatred and obsession or it could slide into something better.

I was correct in my assessment for not being interested in settling down or seeking some sort of relationship with Hiei, that was true. I was too energized and ambitious to just sit around as a happy wife, given that I could even get the asshole to look at me like that. If you couldn't guess, he was not the loving type.

So here I was, just pondering where to go. I stood at a crossroads, all of my choices leading down paths I couldn't see and some looked burned, some looked overgrown, some were well-paved, some were dirt foot-paths. I already tried fire and brimstone. I didn't like making the same mistake twice. I already tried the paved road and the easy way didn't suit me. At that moment I knew that I would take the hardest route.

I would take the one that seemed impossible. I blinked and looked to the sword in my hand, going still. That glowing message still flowed down the side, but I found my eyes widening.

_When the water calms everything will become clear._

"Angel!" Genkai's rough voice snapped and I looked up, eyes jumping to her form. "You've been distracted this whole match, take a break, get your focus." She ordered.

"Yes, ma'am." I nodded, not questioning her. Ever since I had lost so badly against Yuusuke she had treated me differently. I wasn't certain if the change was good or bad yet, but it was different. Another thing for me to think about.

Ha, I had never been the best thinker. It was ironic that all of the most difficult questions came to me. I walked into the house and retrieved myself some water, sitting on a corner of the porch while staring into the forest. It looked so cheerful in the daylight. I could hear birds chirping and the rustling of leaves and animals, such mundane things. At what point had I stopped caring about those pleasant sounds? When had the sounds of my home, the pleasantries that I had once enjoyed, stopped meaning anything?

I took another sip of the cold water, drinking slowly, the liquid sliding down my throat only when I was good and ready. What would I say if someone asked me what I remembered of home? I looked up at the clear, blue sky and closed my eyes. I would tell them that I remembered parents that tried so hard to love their trouble-maker child, even as I thought bitterly about how easily they gave up. I would tell them about the nice weather back in Britain and the flags that hung everywhere on particular days of the year. I would tell them about the tea and about how bad the scones were.

I would tell them about my house and how the sunshine there was like melted butter. When it shined it was so cheerful. I would silently remember glaring at the sun as they sent me to military school. I would remember how miserable I found it there. I would remember teachers that acted like the parents I wished I could have had. I would remember when I arrived at my grandparent's house after being shipped off again. I would tell them about how nice it was and about the language and about the Sakura trees.

I would be bitter. That was the truth. I was shriveled up inside and bitter. I was bitter about my choices and about my life. I was bitter about most things and only now was I giving up the anger that used to burn inside of me. The anger that I would take out on everything that held the name demon. Demons. Ha, they were more human then I was. I was supposed to be the one that had the better brain and the one who had sympathy and empathy, but I could remember demons who I never asked the name of begging me to spare their companions.

Demons. They weren't any different from us stupid humans, they were just raised differently. Strength meant power and power meant respect. It was a kill or be killed world, but humans were not so different once.

Yes. I would tell the person who asked about home many things, but I would end it with one last thing. I would think so many bitter thoughts, but in the end I was the worst of all. I erased myself from their lives. You don't recover from that. If I reversed the process, what would happen? I didn't know. That was my black magic. That was my darkness. In the end I erased myself from the world, hoping to bury my sadness in anger that lit up everything with flames.

I stared at the shivering water in my glass and it slowly lifted from the cup, spinning only a foot away from my face. How ironic that I used water when I was filled with so much fire. I watched it, letting it flow from one shape to another until it finally settled into two shapes. A mermaid curled around a dragon. I stared at it forlornly.

Hope was a dark thing. I stared at the spinning image, watching the light glitter through the clear water, until a burst of fire suddenly caused my focus to drop and the water splashed back into the glass. I jumped and looked behind me where the fire had originated from and found a frowning Hiei leaning against the door-frame.

My eyes widened and I felt my face redden equally from anger as from embarrassment. He had destroyed my water creation, but why did he even have to see it? Why did I just have the most rotten luck?

"O-oh, Hiei, I didn't see you there!" I said, slapping on a shaky smile and turning around, the glass of water housed in my lap.

"I know." He grunted, then gave me a sharp look as my eyebrow rose. "Don't go getting ideas in your head, I was just walking by." He said and I was confused for a second. Oh, right, he just showed up randomly. Did he show up on purpose? I looked at him, why would he defend himself otherwise? Then I found myself thinking, why would he have shown up? I wasn't hurting myself or anyone else, nor had I screamed or something. I blinked, shaking off the thoughts, I didn't care either way.

"Mmm…" I hummed in agreement and then looked back down to the glass in my lap. The water stopped shaking and I could see myself staring down at it. I blinked. _When the water calms everything will become clear. _"How are you?" I had originally intended to say some snappy comment, but I wanted to keep the peace between us. I preferred his glare to him storming off in anger. I don't know why, but somehow when he got angry I felt a place in my heart start aching.

He blinked at me, his crimson eyes clouded with confusion. I glanced up at him, but averted my gaze at the feeling of a tug. You see, when souls are bonded if you look into another person's eyes you do a soul-gaze. Eyes are the windows to the soul and all that, and you get a first-class look of the state of the other person's soul, their heart, their spirit. I didn't want to know what mine looked like nor was I interested in knowing Hiei that well.

"I was better before I started having stupid human conversations." He snapped, looking irritated. I was taken aback by the harsh voice then realized that he was embarrassed to have been caught off guard. Well, that makes two of us. At that point I was a bit uncertain of where to continue the conversation when I noticed something out of place.

"You… you're using a different sword." I said, swallowing. Shocked that he could deal with using a dead sword at all, but hurt because that says something about how much a sword that reminds him of me disgusts him. I glanced at my own glowing blade next to me and then avoided seeing it.

"It was stupid." He said, turning away. I felt annoyed that I was even holding mine now and contemplated getting a different one for a moment. I stood up, glass in hand and my sword left behind me.

"Well, excuse me, I should be getting back to training." I said politely and vacated the room quickly. It hurt to walk away from my sword, but how could I touch it when he was there, so obviously rejecting me. My face colored to a deep red as I returned to training, telling Genkai that I wanted to do something else. We were mostly beginning to work some 'martial arts' thing anyway.

She claimed that it would help me cover for my lost arm better so I did it. I put my heart into it, trying to ignore the emptiness that I felt without my bonded weapon. I went until late into the night, continuing to practice all of the new things that I had learned long after Genkai was gone. I walked down the hallway toward my room, contemplating over whether or not I should take shower, when I felt a familiar energy.

I pursed my lips and went into my room, but there he was, leaning against the doorframe to the outside. I narrowed my eyes, falling right back into my foul mood. Oh, there he was. What the hell did he want now?

"Do you need something?" I asked coldly before walking over to my dresser. Frankly, I no longer thought of Hiei as a man and proceeded to begin undressing into my pajamas.

"What are you doing?" He asked, completely ignoring my question. I felt my eye twitch and chanted to myself to keep my temper.

"I'm changing, what does it look like?" I said, yanking off my sweaty pants before smoothly pulling on some tiny, loose shorts.

"With a man in the room?" He asked, sounding both curious and confused and utterly weirded out. Well, it was true that most women cared about things like that. Really, if he was going to do anything to me he was an idiot. He wouldn't get away with it and he was stuck with me. So, he was the exception, I would care with anyone else. "Oh, whatever." He continued, but sounded much less tense.

I was confused for a moment (again) over why he suddenly wouldn't care, but was distracted by him continuing to talk. Wow, Mr. Asshole was chatty.

"I came here to talk." He said shortly, nearly swallowing his words. I was halfway through tearing off my shirt and my mouth dropped open. I pulled it off and leaned around my dresser to look at him. Was he on something, did something horrible happen? Oh God, he wasn't dying right?!

"Uh…" I said, my mouth just lying open. I finally snapped it shut when he fidgeted against the frame, glancing at me. His back suddenly went ramrod straight.

"Put on a fucking shirt." He hissed, his voice sounding a bit higher then normal. I was shocked. Did I really surprise him that badly? Well, attractive blond without a shirt, I think most guys would be surprised. Although the reaction would not work quite like Hiei's. It would be more like 'please, continue removing your clothing'.

I scoffed. Pigs.

"Yeah, yeah, I didn't realize there was a virgin in the room." I teased, calmly changing my sport's bra and slipping on an oversized t-shirt. I could have made it worse by taking out the belly-shirt that matched the miniature shorts, but I'm not that mean. Well, arguments could be made otherwise, but I chose to take pity on the man. I was mean, not evil.

Okay, another debatable subject.

"I'm not a — Look, I just came here to — Oh, never mind." He growled, sounding flustered. I immediately stopped what I was doing as he started walking away and jogged to the door.

"I was just teasing, God, what do you need?" I asked, sounding far more sincere this time. Obviously whatever was bothering him was causing him some problems. As I said, mean not evil. I felt the tiniest amount of pity toward him for the crap I loved putting him through. Just enough to make me run after him, but that was it.

"Here." He snapped and an object was shoved into my hands then he turned and walked off without another word. I squinted at it and flipped on the light in my room. My sword sat in my hands and when I cracked it out of the guard a flame flickered on above it. A mermaid twisting around a dragon, like a ying-yang symbol. I flipped off the light, looking at the glowing sign in wonder. I stared at it until the spell went out.

"Thanks…" I whispered into the air, and somehow I felt like he could hear me. I thought of the symbol again.

Well, perhaps hope is bright.

—

I stumbled into breakfast, thinking that it really was all too early in the morning to be up. I yawned loudly, alerting the other early risers to my presence. I blinked, surprised to find only two others there, then I shook my head at my own reaction. I had gotten up at dawn, I mean, who else gets up that early? It was surprising to find anybody at all.

The two people in question looked up as I walked in and I very nearly walked right back out, but I was freaking hungry. Hiei stared at me, irritated, and I found my heart stuttering at his appearance. He was in a t-shirt and sweats and looked, dare I say it, rather adorable. Red eyes glared up at me (he was sitting at the table), but the edge was taken away because of how sleepy he looked. His black, unruly hair reflected a 'just-rolled-out-of-bed' look and I quickly learned that he was one of those people that looked rather excessively sexy like that.

The normal clothing (rather then that stupid trench coat) reminded me of how attractive his muscles were and even his scowl made his lips look delicious (woah, hormones much). He was eating too, which I had never, not even once, witnessed him doing. I felt my face color and jerked into the kitchen to get myself some breakfast. Oh God, I was sick. I was definitely sick. I had never found him attractive in the least (well, except for- nope, never… much) and I was horrified that could change.

My stomach clenched and I stood, rooted in place, holding a milk carton and staring blankly off into space. What made him seem different? Well, I couldn't deny that I had wanted to slide my fingers through his hair and under his shir- Okay, that was just too much. I did not like him that much, I would never like him that much, he could be as good-looking as he wanted, I had always promised myself that there would be more to the person I would end up with then looks.

Hiei did not have much else going for him. His personality sucked, he lacked charm, he wasn't romantic and we had nothing in common. A voice whispered in the back of my head that I was wrong. We were both swordsmen for one, he could be sweet when he wanted to be, he was actually pretty fun to talk to and, most importantly, he was fucking attractive.

I rubbed my face with my hands. He cut your arm off, Angel. Remember that part? _Orders_, that part of my brain whispered. I sighed heavily, it was way too early in the morning to be faced with a human Hiei. Why couldn't he always be a derpy demon with stupid hair? What happened to being overly short? I moaned and griped about it until I felt a drip against my foot. I jumped and squeaked, realizing that I had filled my cereal with way too much milk and it was now all over the counter.

I groaned and then started cleaning it up, having to get rid of my cereal. Looking at it now, I wasn't even craving cereal, why did I get it? I growled and cleared it all up, scrubbing off the milk (that stuff gets sticky fast) and then stood back up straight, now fully awake.

"What did you do this time, woman?" A familiar voice growled. A shiver ran down my spine as Hiei's unusually low voice diffused into my ears. Why was he so alluring this morning? What happened to being irritating as hell? I glared at the floor until I felt a stare against my back.

"What? Oh, nothing, just made a mess with the milk." I said, realizing that I hadn't answered his question. Wow, my brain was just dead this morning. Why was I so out of it? Hiei gave me a funny look and I finished making breakfast before returning to the table. I nodded at the redhead across the table. Kurama was nice to be around in the morning. He didn't glare or make snappy comments, he was pleasant and quiet.

Now, if only Mr. Asshole had such a pleasant persona, then we'd be getting somewhere.

"Good morning, Kurama." I said politely, striking up conversation with the non-angry half of the table. Was it really that hard to be pleasant and nice to people. Even I could pull manners out of my butt when I needed them. I snuck a glance at Hiei, but was once again struck by how mundane this situation was. Two of the most powerful demons in existence and we were sitting at a table eating breakfast.

I had to admit that I was a bit starstruck. I really respected Kurama for his strength and cunning and had heard many a story about him. My outlook on Hiei had once been quite similar, but then I met the asshole and realized that he seriously needed a slap in the face from his mother. Seriously, who raised him? Everyone is capable of being nice sometimes.

At least, I think everyone is. I used to believe that, though meeting the red-eyed fiend made me rather uncertain. I mean, was _that_ really able to be nice? Well, I suppose it depends on your definition of nice… Anyway, while Kurama held a nice conversation I kept feeling like I was getting stared at, but every time I glanced in Hiei's direction he wasn't looking anywhere near me. He seemed to be thinking or something, because he seemed pretty unfocused. I knew not to believe that though.

He was always alert, always aware. I had a very similar style of living.

"Is there something on my face?" I finally asked, sighing in annoyance and looking toward Hiei. His cool eyes traveled to me and he smirked.

"And if I said that you did." He asked, I blinked, playful, were we?

"I would be annoyed that you didn't tell me sooner. I'm holding a conversation with an attractive man, Hiei. Like a normal person." I answered bluntly, amused by the eyebrow that raised. Kurama seemed nonplussed by my reaction and I chuckled slightly.

Well, I couldn't blame the guy. I was capable of saying a lot of weird things with a perfectly straight face.

"Very normal." He answered, taking another bite of his toast. I scowled but found myself fascinated by the way he ate, really. I glanced from the corner of my eye, still reeling from the unreality of this whole situation, but enjoying it immensely. I never imagined being able to talk to these people so casually.

"Oh, I never said I was normal, I just said that this action was normal." I pointed out. "All women like talking to people who look good." I pointed out sagely, smiling and nodding. Kurama began to crack a smirk, realizing that I was roping Hiei into losing this debate, but here was the question that needed answering. Did he know?

"Yes, because talking to two insanely powerful demons at breakfast is something normal people do." He said, and then smirked as I rolled my eyes. Yes, yes he did know. Bah.

"Well, I was talking about the attractive part, but yes, you're both demons. Although, if you think about it, so am I." I shrugged, trying to find loopholes in his argument. Damn, he was chatty this morning. This was our longest conversation to date. I was immensely proud of him.

"She has a point, Hiei." Kurama entered smoothly. Ah, he recovered from my shock therapy. I knew that he could make it. I'm talking about my 'attractive men' line of course. I certainly hope that he knows he's hot, because I would be worried if he didn't.

I glanced back at the man in question and found his emerald green eyes twinkling in amusement. He glanced over at my look and winked at me. Ah, I felt nice about myself. The best trait about being a girl, a little attention goes a long way. You can feel nice about yourself for days just because someone smiled at you in the morning.

Well, okay, this was all besides the point. What was up with me this morning? First I reacted to Hiei, then I flirted with Kurama and now I'm having a semi-pleasant conversation with my resident asshole. I tilted my head, watching both men debating back and forth. How did Hiei keep that horrible scowl on his face all of the time? Didn't his facial muscles ever get tired. After all, you use more muscles to frown then you do to smile.

Okay, now I was avoiding the subject. I took a bite from my toast, chewing slowly while thinking. Did something about him change? I looked over at him, inspecting Hiei from head to foot until he sent me a sharp glare. I laughed nervously, then looked back at my own food. Yes, something did change, he's wearing different clothing. Would that make me so nervous though? I said it myself, I didn't really think of Hiei as a man.

Ah! What a frustrating problem! Did I have any dreams that might have led me to think about this? No.

"Gah! There's something wrong with me!" I finally yelled, slamming my hands down and accidentally dumping my seat over backward. "Ahh!" I yelped, tensing as I expected to hit the floor with a painful crash. I didn't though. My eyes snapped open to find Hiei calmly letting go of my chair.

"Idiot, I don't want a headache this early in the morning." He said testily and then got up (apparently done with his breakfast) and evaporated from the room.

"Someone's feeling sociable." I said sarcastically, staring at his empty seat with a flat expression. I felt annoyed that he wasn't in the room for some reason.

Something was wrong with me. Something was definitely wrong with me.

"Apparently." Kurama commented, I glanced over at him only to find him sizing me up quite avidly. My face began to heat up and I looked away again.

"What, was it something I said?" I asked, feeling an edge creep into my voice. He smiled passively, but I saw the mischievous grin on his face and started feeling nervous. The stories weren't wrong, he really was a plotter. I could practically see the gears whirring in his head. What did he think about? What was he thinking about?

"Well, I was just thinking, it's Hiei's hundredth-and-twenty-fifth birthday today isn't it?" He asked, glancing coolly at the empty chair where the aforementioned man had been. Both of my eyebrows rose and I slammed my hands on the table again, standing abruptly.

"He's one-hundred-and-twenty-fucking-five!" I screeched, my blond hair that was sticking up everywhere because of bed-head only accentuated the comical effect of my shock. "And people thought I looked young." I snipped, collapsing back onto my chair and crossing my arms. I was irritated now. That stupid, idiotic kid was seriously five times my age? That was so stupid! Why was he still so immature?!

"We're demons, Angela. We age slower." He commented dryly. I felt my face color, but that was still excessive. "Converting it to human years he's about… Eighteen." Kurama finished. I blinked and stared at him blankly. I blinked again.

Eighteen.

Eighteen?

"Eighteen?!" I yelled, my voice peaking again, and then I dissolved into a fit of giggles. "I don't know if that makes him a pedophile or me a pedophile." I laughed, my cheeks bright red from laughter. If you didn't know why I was laughing I would probably look drunk. It was too weird though. Why would today, Hiei's birthday, make him seem different to me.

"You. Even if he has lived about five times your life span he's never been in a serious relationship." He said. I glanced at him and my eyes narrowed. He was implying that I had been in one, but that was long before I met any of these people, how would he know that?

"I've never been in a relationship at all." I said, my eyebrows furrowing in bewilderment. His face was priceless. His green eyes went wide, then he raised an eyebrow and looked quite flabbergasted. I had never thought that I would see such an expression on the great Kurama's face. I held back a laugh and started feeling lightheaded from the pressure in my face until it finally exploded from my mouth. His chuckle was heard too.

"Sorry, I just assumed…" He trailed off and I suddenly knew that he knew that I was lying. "Well, it's not like it matters." He continued pleasantly and I nodded in agreement. We went off into some small talk, but an overlying tone colored the chat. One, what did he know about me that he wasn't telling? And two, why was he interested in knowing anything at all?

I let the question stir in my brain, but soon decided that it wasn't important at the moment. My brain was already reaching its limits and it was only seven in the morning.

—

Throughout the day my original spike of freakishly weird passion had mellowed out. It wasn't any less annoying, I had just shoved it into the far corners of my mind where I could ignore it. Why did I suddenly get annoyed enough to do so, you might ask?

Well, it all started when I went to go take a cat nap (thinking that it was just lack of sleep causing my problems) and while napping I had a nightmare. It started out with blood and monsters (like most of my dreams did), but then it went out on a path that horrified me. Hiei was in my dreams. It all started in a room with disgustingly floral wallpaper…

I was disgusted. The whole room smelled like roses, not nice roses, no, it was the kind of scent you find in funeral homes because the body smells nasty and there has to be flowers everywhere to cover up the stench. Yes, rotting bodies and roses. Yummy. On top of that the walls were covered in an excessively tacky wallpaper with miniature roses and pinstripes in obnoxious, yellowing colors. To put it lightly, I was disgusted.

The old, wooden door creaked open and a tall woman with platinum blond hair walked in. Her tall heels clicked on the polished, wooden floor (the only nice part of that nasty cell) and I looked up from where I was curled in a chair that had equally disturbing floral patterns all over it (it didn't match though, these flowers were blue and orange). There were suspicious stains on it that I did not want to question.

This room had a history of some sort. I could feel people overlapping with people and even though only me and this women were in the room I wanted to scream and jump out of the window that was too grimy to see through. I learned later that it had been rusted shut anyway. Well, there were so many horrid knicknacks that I probably could have broken it open. I contemplated doing so when the echoing clicking stopped.

I felt like that repeating noise had been the countdown to a verdict of some sort and now that it had stopped the wait was over. The judgement would be delivered. I looked up slowly, closing a dusty book that had been written backwards and upside-down. I had found it on one of the many badly painted white bookshelves that sagged under the weight of many useless items strewn around the room. The sound echoed in the silent cubicle.

A moment ago there had been murmurs and the sound of cars rushing past outside and flickering colorful lights, as if a party were going on just out the window but I was locked in here for something I didn't know that I did. As I swallowed and looked up to the voluptuous woman I wished that the noise would come back. I could feel her harsh stare on me and I cringed when I saw her face. Deep blue eyes stared back into mine, a perfect imitation of my own irises, and I shrank into the cushions.

Those eyes were judging and harsh, sharp and terrifying. I felt like they were going to rip out my soul and scoff before tossing it into the trash with a laugh. Don't misunderstand though, this woman was beautiful. She was tall and had pale, creamy skin, with long legs and a long neck and perfectly manicured fingernails in flaming red. A long, silk, red dress tumbled from her like a waterfall, framed by silver bangles and silver-blond curls. That was my mother.

I glanced back toward the grimy window and wished that I could see the sunlight, feel the warmth. The entrance of that woman caused the temperature in the room to drop; it made me nervous to be caught in the same room as her. It wasn't that she… hated me, it's just that she, well, she wasn't always very nice. My mom, no, my mother held me to high standards. Standards that I couldn't often live up to. She felt so very far away from me. Even in this stuffy room with its piles of things crowding the open space, she still seemed miles away from me.

"Angela, why are you not at dinner?" She asked tersely, her voice perfectly pleasant and yet quite frosty.

"I'm not hungry." I answered in the same tone, holding my mother far away from me. I didn't want her so close as to become something that was going to hurt me in the future. She was fine now, but it didn't always work that way. Sometimes she could become harsh and cold, as I were some sort of juvenile delinquent, not her daughter.

"We have guests to entertain." She prodded, not letting up on me. Her stare became even more vivid. I cringed and shied away, frowning. This wasn't me, I wouldn't act like this. I kept telling myself that and yet I bent to my mother's will time and time again. What did I want from her?

"I don't feel well." I said, making excuses. Odd, I had thought that I was locked into the room. I locked myself in by choice then. Why would I want to do that?

"Oh? Well, then I shall have to invite this family over another time." She said, touching my forehead. It was overheated, but because of nerves, not any kind of sickness. I shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting with my fingers. They were bitten down to stubs again; I just couldn't seem to control the urge to bite when I was nervous or thinking about something.

Her eyes grew colder, if that was even possible, and I knew that the worry wasn't real. She was irritated with me for not showing at the party. She continued to look me over for another moment and then walked out of the room with a backwards wave and a quiet goodnight. The lights turned off, the lock clicked, I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding and my lungs stopped burning.

I blinked and the room twitched like a bad movie and I shook my head. When I opened my eyes I was not in the same place. I was staring at a mirror edged in stainless steel and mounted on a very white wall. The room was the same shape, it had the same door, but everything was white and black and gray, circles the only decorative pattern. There wasn't a wink of color there, no knicknacks, no backward books. The shelves were lined with textbooks and dry nonfiction, the bed was perfectly made, the window was clean and perfect. It looked out on a street that didn't care at all about the girl staring into it.

I stuck out like a sore thumb in my antiseptic room. I wasn't pale with black hair, I was tan and blond, deep blue eyes set in a baby face. I was fifteen


	10. So I Got What I Wanted

Time passes quickly. Every moment you're alive, time is passing. Every second you live is lost to you. The moment that you are born, you begin to die. These are truths that I wish I didn't know.

The truth is, life is a lot. You go through so much and take so much time trying to come to terms with it that life is a lot of sadness. You put so much effort into doing things that don't interest you and that you're not good at that life is a lot of hassle. You try so hard to be happy and enjoy yourself that life is a lot of disappointment. I really wish that I didn't know that. I wish that I could see the rainbows and butterflies that so many other people blind themselves with, but I can't do it to myself.

In my dream I felt the truths of life weigh heavily down on my shoulders. The unfitting blue dress that I didn't like left me feeling exposed, the make-up caked onto my face made me feel fake, the smile I slapped on made me feel like a failure. I went down to the party and socialized like a good little girl. Face after face, person after person, having to speak to each in that accent, flourishing my hands and trying to look interested, was killing me.

The blond that I was chatting with kept giving me odd looks and they were beginning to make me twitch. I had already been tired and short-tempered before the party began and my patience for the formal chatting and merriment was growing thin. Ugh, I wanted to hit something. By hit something I do not mean take a drug, I mean literally start brawling during the party. I had to hold back though; my mother would have my head if I did something rash and stupid. She obviously did not understand my personality.

I felt a tide of anger begin to rise as the kid made an under-handed comment about the insubordination of women, as it were. My eyes narrowed and I began formulating a spell that would cause him to burst into flames a few minutes after he lost interest in me. There was no magic though. I felt my face begin to drain. I was too young, I hadn't developed my magic yet; which meant… I glanced to my side, my right arm was there.

You think that I would have noticed it sooner, but dreams work in mysterious ways. I hadn't noticed it until that moment. I flexed and un-flexed my hand, marveling at the strength and dexterity of my dominant hand. Why hadn't I cared this much about it when I had it? I looked to the ground and started feeling quite intensely sorry for myself. That was, until a hand came to rest on my bare shoulder. If it had been me in real life, the owner of that hand would have been on the ground, but dream me was not so… volatile.

I looked up, startled, to find Mr. French Blond[Maybe I should have her give nicknames to most people because she can't remember their names. It would definitely make the story more interesting.] (I still couldn't remember his name) asking if I was okay. I blinked and knew that my face probably looked very blank. Was I okay? Well, that all depends on how you look at it. If you're asking from an arm perspective, not really, I was sad and angered with myself. If you look at it from a relationship perspective then absolutely not. I couldn't seem to remember why though? Ah, what did it matter? If you looked at it from a mental perspective that I'm definitely rejecting okay on that one. I was totally insane. So, no on all accounts.

"Yes, sorry to worry you." I answered politely, smiling at French Blonde. I really ought to figure out his name before I either slip up and call him that or he realizes that I don't remember his name. Oh! I know how! "Sorry, that was so rude of me. Let's start this all over. Hello, my name is Angela. Angela Portman." I said, bushing and trying to hide that I was just attempting to relearn his name. Well, I was being rude zoning out like that. It all worked out.

"I'm Zacharie Dubois." He said in that stupid flourishing accent. I'm not rejecting the French accent, just his. It was obnoxious when he did it. I smiled and shook his hand, curtsying while he bowed slightly. Ugh, manners. They were not for me. I was nice enough and its not that I disliked them, its just that I hated having to talk to uninteresting people. I also hated having to be nice to people who weren't nice back. Why did the rules only apply to some people?!

Oh, and before you ask, I was not a noble or something, my parents were just rich. How else do you think they can pay all those damages from my outbursts? Magic! Oh, wait, again before you ask, magic does not show up in everyone, so my parents didn't have any. It's a recessive gene, if you know what I mean (Oh! I rhymed!). Okay, now I was avoiding the topic at hand.

"It's very nice to meet you, Zacharie." I said, then his hand slid onto my hip. I swallowed hard, feeling like my skin was crawling. I was seconds away from slapping him when I heard the music. I grudgingly rested my hand on his shoulder and took his other hand in mine. It was a waltz, which I knew, so I started swaying correctly, doing my best to keep Zacharie from screwing up. He kept trying to go in the wrong direction, or stepping on my toes, it was all very annoying. I squeaked when crushed my big toe for the third time and that's when he stopped.

At first I thought that it was because he realized that he was a horrible dancer, but then I saw the restraining hand on his shoulder. Haha, someone was coming to save me!

"May I steal the next dance?" Someone asked in a smooth, low voice. I cringed.

I knew that voice. From behind Zacharie (a.k.a. Mr. French Blond) a tall man stepped out. He had dark brown hair and a strong face with a very well-toned body right down to his very nice suit. I swallowed hard and fought valiantly against the urge to step away.

"Angie, you look beautiful tonight." The man said. I took a deep breath and held out my hand. When his fingers touched mine I wondered why my body was tingling, because I just wanted to puke.

"You're looking quite nice too, Demetri." I answered, smiling much more realistically. What was I doing? Growl at him, girl! Take off his face. "Were you dressing up for someone special?" A giggle left my mouth and I slumped. This was too much. I was getting cavities.

"Perhaps." He said, smiling mischieviously at me. I giggled and felt my face heat up. My dream self was stupid. I was going to hit her. Bah! Dream logic is stupid. He spun me in circle and I leaned back letting him keep me up. It felt like I was banging against a brick wall. Don't trust him! He's evil… If I could have hissed I would have.

Demetri's lips brushed against my collarbone and I felt dream-me grin in delight and laugh. I shuddered and tried to rub my neck. Nothing, I couldn't control anything. Ugh, why couldn't someone actually save me. This wasn't a savior, it was a worse fate then Mr. French Blond. I mean Monsieur by that of course. Demetri was… Was… I don't know. Something awful.

He smelled like expensive cologne and I gagged. It was the wrong smell. There should be someone else, something else, but what was it? What was I forgetting about? The waltz finally ended and I snapped to attention, hoping that maybe Demetri would get off of me, but no such luck. I moaned and whined like a small five-year-old child. Why couldn't I control my own dreams? That stupid brunette should stay out of them, for one and two, I would never, under any circumstances, _giggle_ like that.

"Hey." I froze. I knew that voice. "You wanna tell me what you're doing?" Someone hissed, sounding extremely angry and protective. I turned to find a black-haired man glaring straight over my head. Demetri chuckled and set me back on my feet correctly. I stumbled and was surprised to find that I was in control of my body.

"You must be the infamous Hiei Jaganshi." He scoffed and I rolled my shoulders. Two arms. I still had two arms.

"Hn." He growled, narrowing his eyes at me. I looked up, still in shock. "Answer the question." This was out of character. What was he doing here? Could I still use magic. A flash of electricity across my fingers said yes. Could I still call my sword? The tug in the back of my head said yes. A smirk began to grow on my lips.

"Demetri…" I murmured, he glanced back at me and I looked up at him with my deep blue eyes. "Wh-" My voice cut off and choked into silence. What? My control was lost and that's when the dream took a turn for a downward spiral. "Who is that?" I whispered, looking up at him. How I missed those dark expression before now, I do not know, but the horrific smile on his face terrified me.

Hiei's face seemed to fall and I felt my heart fall. This was a dream and yet I couldn't believe what I had said. How much would that hurt him in real life if I said that? Would it hurt him at all if I picked another person over him? When had I grown so attached to that stupid idiot?

Demetri pulled me into the 'safety' of his arms.

"I'm dancing with my fiance." I closed my eyes. The truths of the world are harsh truths, and I often wish that I didn't know them. Seeing such a dead look on Hiei's face hurt me and I was glad to look away. Hurting him had become my nightmare. What was happening to me?

—

Now you know why my mood had plummeted so dramatically. I stalked through the halls trying to avoid anything and everything Hiei related. The fact that the thought of hurting him scared me was as irritating as it was interesting. How could I think of him though? He was… An idiot. He would never care about me and wasting my feelings on yet another…

If you're curious, Demetri was a real person and I will admit that the thought of the two meeting was the stuff of nightmares. They would probably kill each other, no, they _would_ kill each other. I chewed on my lip and decided that I really needed to find something more interesting to do. I hadn't been in a new place in months. It was about time I went somewhere. Genkai now trusted me quite a lot, so there wouldn't be any argument there.

I had begun to wonder if I wasn't put here to be under constant surveillance. I wonder who would have organized that? Sarcasm, of course. As I mentioned a while back, even though I wasn't guilty of black magic the council still didn't trust me. I stayed there because I was in hot enough water as it was, I didn't need to boil to death. One wrong move could be the end of me. The end of beautiful little Angela's pathetic life.

Okay, pity party moment. Let's just see if we can avoid that exciting idea, yes? I stood up and began to walk toward the training grounds. Practice might clear my mind, it might help me think. It usually did. I wandered through the darkened halls (it was getting to be later in the day, about six), trying to think but only heightening my inner turmoil.

What was Hiei to me? What did I want him to be? Did he care about me? Why did it have to matter so much? Because he's stuck with you, my head reminded me. That's why it mattered so much. I was going to be stuck with Hiei for the rest of my life. More then stuck with him. I was bonded to him. I felt what he felt and it would only get stronger. Eventually I would even hear his thoughts.

That was an interesting idea. I wonder what Hiei even thought about. Did I want to know? Well, probably not, but it wasn't my choice. Once it happened, you were stuck with the other person. Usually soul bonds only happen between people who are sworn to each for life anyway; a mating between demons wasn't a ring, but a bonding of the soul. It worked mostly the same way, except for the part where you are literally incapable of going too far away or hearing their thoughts or feeling what they feel quite so extensively. So, really, soul bonds weren't a rare commodity, not in Demon World, but they don't happen anymore in Human World.

Humans have commitment issues. Anyway, I found myself staring at the unlit lights going past at regular ten-second intervals. Genkai's house was kind of spooky at night, I had found. I was lucky that my fear of the dark was no longer a reality. You spend enough time in Demon World then your dumb, irrational fears are the first thing to go. The boards below my feet creaked and shuffled, as if whispering secrets to me while I walked.

I kept going, pondering over what the boards could be saying and also thinking about various other things. My feet were dragging some, but I couldn't go to sleep. I was still too disturbed by my earlier dream to think about it.

A few minutes later I emerged into the larger area of the house and was surprised to hear whispering and muffled laughter. My eyebrow raised as I looked into the gloom. Well, it was too dark to see, so the light sounded good. I walked over to flip it on when a round of chorused 'no's caused me to drop my hand.

"What are you all doing?" I hissed, feeling a bit annoyed. My silence had been disrupted. Didn't they know that I was thinking about important non-Hiei-related things?

"Well, we were going to come get you anyway, so just hide and you'll see." A Botan-like voice cajoled. I growled under my breath, but crouched behind a table. Curiousity killed the cat after all.

A few minutes later I was lounging and sighing behind my table because I was bored of sitting. Nothing had happened as of yet and I really didn't understand what was going on. What were we all hiding for? I had heard the voices of nearly everyone in the house at this point.

Finally I heard some footsteps coming down the hallway and rolled back onto my knees in anticipation. This must be what we were waiting for, right? The steps drew closer and I felt the excitement crackling in the air.

"As I said, I'm hungry. You haven't eaten since breakfast either." Kurama's voice echoed. I blinked, that was the only person that had been missing other than-

"I'm fine, idiot." Hiei. Of course it had to be Hiei with him. It couldn't be a total, unrelated stranger. Screw life.

The lights suddenly flipped on and a chorus of 'surprise's burst out of everyone's mouth. I was still by my table and quite startled by this turn of events. Glancing at Hiei told me that he was quite similarly surprised. Well, at least the people's efforts worked. It could have gone worse. Then his face darkened and he turned to bolt out of the room. I almost laughed aloud as his arms were caught by none other then Kurama and Yuusuke. He kicked and struggled, yelling at the both of them.

I held back my titters and then came up with a great idea.

'Payback, Hiei. Payback.' I thought to myself. I was going to enjoy this party immensely for one reason. He didn't like it. Glancing at Botan, I wiggled my fingers and grinned. She seemed to get the idea and grinned. "Surprise, Hiei!"

My charged hands slammed against the floor and the room turned into a light-show of miniature firecrackers in the form of dragons spinning around. I sat back, quite proud of my handiwork, and even happier because he appeared to be losing it. Ah, the beauty annoying people.

On top of that, I got to drink that night and this was apparently special stuff because I was definitely smashed later on. It's not usually my style to do anything that would put my self-control in danger, but this was a special case I guess. These people were safe, they weren't going to do anything to me. That was a good thing, because I was not in any state to defend myself. I remember everything that went on, but I remember it in a weirdly disjointed, colorful fashion, as if someone had shoved strobe lights into my eyes.

I hiccuped and giggled against the table that my face was pressed into. Something had been funny, but I couldn't for the life of me recall what it was. Someone shook my shoulder and I laughed harder, grinding my nose against the wood.

"Angela." A flat voice said. I blinked slowly and raised my face off of the table. Red eyes were staring into mine and I tilted my head to the side. I felt a tug, but my body wasn't responding very well. I couldn't seem to turn away. His face was mesmerizing and I felt happy and content.

My brain was saying that something about this tug was bad, but I couldn't understand why I thought that until it was too late.

—

I blinked and when my eyes opened I was not sitting at that table anymore and I no longer felt bubbly. My brain was awake now, but it awoke too late. I was locked in a soul-gaze with Hiei Jaganshi. I was in a forest. I could say that it was pretty, but it wasn't. Once upon a time, it might have been beautiful; well, it wasn't now. It was a dry, cracked and ravaged wasteland drowned in ashes.

This place was definitely a forest once, though. The shells of burned-out trees littered the valley floor, dead vines and creepers going up the sides of surrounding mountains. My eyes swept across the scene, searching for something, anything, that was still alive. Nothing, there was nothing. Tears came to my eyes and I swiped them away.

What could have caused such devastation in a soul? I had seen a few people's souls in my time and I haven't forgotten any of them (things like that stay with you), but this was by far the worst. Hiei was a dead person, inside and out. I ran down the side of the mountain, blankets of ashes billowing up around me. A heavy mist hung near the bottom and I whipped my head around, listening for noise, for life, for anything other then this heavy death.

A deafening crack rang out over the silent landscape and my neck snapped around. One of the mountains was billowing smoke and fire. I stared up at the huge volcano and realized that this place was burned and dead because of these mountains of destruction. More tears began to fall. Hiei was destroying himself, but why? What was causing it?

"No." I whispered, collapsing into the soft bed of charcoal. A flash of green caught my eye and I looked behind me startled. In each of my footsteps grass and flowers had begun to grow. I walked over to the ghost of a once beautiful tree and touched its bark. The color reanimated and began to spread, growth beginning before my very eyes.

I had never been able to do anything while I was in a soul-gaze. Usually I just saw the spirit, the essence of their being. Which meant that I was a part of them. Of course, our souls were bonded. I was a part of him. My limp body jumped as if electrocuted and I came to my feet, looking up to the exploding volcano.

"Hiei!" I screamed, the fire flashed brighter. "Please stop!" I yelled, there was no reaction except for an explosion that rocked the ground. I began running toward the mountain, sprinting as fast as I could. It was no use though, I would never be fast enough. Besides, what could I do to stop the magma inside for pouring into this ruined forest.

It would never heal like that. Why was he destroying himself?

Then the answer came to me. Hatred. Of course, the one thing that constantly tears at your being. Always there, burning, boiling, eating up anything and everything happy. Lava poured down the sides of the mountain, heading straight for me.

"Hiei… Please." I begged. My pride was taking a serious hit, but somehow my normal rules didn't seem to apply when that stupid idiot was involved. "Hiei Jaganshi, you stupid retard, quit it!" I screeched, placing my hands on my hips and stomping my foot in irritation.

I was at the base of the volcano and I could feel the heat waves off of the lava. My plea rang out across the world and the sudden quiet startled me so badly that I tripped and fell onto my face. I kept expecting to begin burning, but nothing happened. I blinked and picked up my face just in time to be bowled over by a spectacular amount of water. I kicked and struggled, then finally popped up sputtering.

I was sitting in a solid foot of water, pleasantly cool, but quite dirty. I stood up, finding that my shirt was soaked and I probably looked like a wet dog.

"Asshole." I grumbled, finding it quite ironic that just after insulting Hiei a huge tsunami was dumped on top of me. Still, I cracked a smile, the ash that had been built was slowly washing clean and there was no fire. "Bah. Even his soul is irritating." I grumped, standing up and looking around. It was raining, I then realized. There was water everywhere, washing built up rubble away and pouring from the mountain in front of me.

Like streams or rivers, I couldn't help thinking. Spring-water, I guess. I wonder what it was all supposed to signify. Something meaningful, I suppose, though I'm not entirely certain what.

That's when I was suddenly thrown back into my own body. I took a shuddery breath and stared at my knees until the world stopped spinning. Whatever magic in my drink had worn off now and I just felt dizzy. After a few moments the dizziness wore off so I looked around. Perhaps a minute had passed since the beginning of the soul-gaze and I was disoriented. It felt like hours.

Perhaps I knew Hiei a little bit better now though


	11. And Now I Know

A scream is what knocked me out of my stupor and I jerked fully awake. Looking around I saw a nightmare crash through the wall, the kind of things you imagine in your waking dreams after a horror movie late at night. A huge monster with glowing, red eyes standing on its hind legs growled in the settling debris. The lights flickered off a moment later.

Panicked yells now burst from around the room, pandemonium setting in. I immediately cleared my head and crouched low to the ground, readying a spell. Electricity crackled weakly across my fingers and I groaned. That little light show earlier had been more exhausting then I had thought it would be, besides, the soul gaze was also really tiring.

I glanced around, but it was too dark to see. Well, that was a fixable problem. The little amount of magical energy I had left went into a small night-vision spell. Another useful thing for young wizards. If you can't see, how are you supposed to defend yourself? Besides, what better way is there to prank your bunkmates late at night?

I somehow didn't find this moment so humorous though. My heart was beating a million miles a minute, but I couldn't just run. I had to make sure that everyone was alright. I focused and took what remained of my magical energy (the last dregs, I would be out after this) to call my sword to me. Thank God for bonded, magical swords that you could call at a moment's notice. The flash of light is what alerted the freakish animal to me, I think.

I felt the familiar and reassuring weight of my sword materialize in my hand when a heavy gaze landed on me. It felt like the breath was being crushed out of me, as if a huge hand were shoving me down to the floor. Was this… Energy? I shuddered, both against the weight and in fear. What could possibly have this much magical energy?

_Werewolf._

Now, I'm not going to lie and tell you that I wasn't scared (because I was), but I will tell you that I did not let my fear stop me. Moments after that heart-freezing moment I was on my feet and looking for everyone else in the room. Yuusuke and Kurama were already on the wolf's tail, Kuwabara looked a bit side-blinded (but not far behind) and Hiei was nowhere to be found. I cursed under my breath. Why did he have to run off at such a chaotic time. I tried to look everywhere, see everything, but it was all tinged with green and there were people all over the place. I was certain that my eyes were going to explode.

"Yukina?!" I yelled over the sounds of fighting and battle-cries. There was an affirmative squeak that I somehow managed to pick up on and I ran over, spying her small, oddly dressed form. "Are you okay?" I asked, breathless from running. She looked up, frightened, but otherwise just fine. I let out a breath of relief.

"Where are Botan and Keiko?" She asked in her high-pitched voice. Her blood-colored eyes flickered oddly in the flashing lights of magic. I was quite struck with how much they looked like Hiei's, but that wasn't important right then. I surveyed the room and saw the other two girls edging toward the door. Another curse left my mouth when I noticed the direction of the fighting. Those guys weren't going to notice!

"Kurama!" I yelled, trying to point out the impending doom to the only level-headed man in the group. He looked over and I pointed wildly. He sent a sharp nod in my direction and plants began springing up in a tough web. My mouth dropped open.

That was so cool.

I shook my head. Focus, Angel, focus, you're going to get yourself killed if you're not careful. Grabbing Yukina's hand I headed toward the other two girls. They needed to be protected or they were going to get hurt. My stamina was running low and my head was pounding from the earlier drinking war (I was going to regret that later) but I could keep going. I had to keep going. People were counting on me, or at least, I liked to imagine that they were.

Finally a fire flickered to life, casting an eerie glow all over the room. It was only a question of time before something caught on fire. I tried to put it out, but my magic hadn't recovered yet. I was running on empty. I looked mournfully at Genkai's burning floor, but continued toward the other two girls. I arrived right in the nick of time really. Shrapnel was head in Keiko's direction and I managed to slide in fast enough to take the brunt of it.

Odd, I never thought of myself as a martyr before. Yukina looked horrified as blood splattered onto the floor and the other two girls redoubled their efforts in opening the door. The pain in my back told me that I was going to need some serious attention for that. Hopefully nothing would happen to my spine in the meantime, it took me a solid thirty seconds to recover, but I finally managed to straighten up and kick open the door. The knob snapped and the exit swung open.

I glanced behind me to see that it went unnoticed by the fighters and quickly evacuated everyone out of the room. That monster was so far out of my league I couldn't begin to imagine it. Like Yuusuke, it was on another planet. It was safer, and smarter, to help out the people that weren't fighting ready. I was a decent swordsmen, even with one arm, and I was better then nothing.

In the hall it was just as dark, but the sounds of fighting quickly wore off. I could see just fine, but the others were blinded. I thought about trying to start a witch-light, but no such luck, I had no energy. One flickered to life a second after that thought and I was startled to see Yukina holding it. Oh, right, she was gifted in healing magic. That's good, I did not want to know what the state of my back was. Blood was dripping down my leg and I was starting to go numb.

My eyes widened. Blood. Werewolf. Blood.

"Shit." I cursed and looked over to Yukina, panic evident in my eyes. She started when I spun toward her. "Get these things to stop bleeding, now!" I hissed, taking a deep breath and turning around.

"Okay." She said, not questioning my logic after taking note of my panic. That was good, we only had a small window. I had to stop the trail. She mercilessly ripped spines of wood from my back and I held in strangled yelps of pain. Then a soothing heat began to travel over the ripped muscles, my thoughts clearing. It took about two minutes, and the light of her spell went out the moment she finished. "There." She murmured, sounding out of breath. I nodded, ignoring the screaming pain and continuing. We needed to go before that stupid thing went on a frenzy for some Angel-flavored barbeque.

That joke would have been funny under any other circumstances.

Finally, I stopped, unable to continue because of the burning pain.

"You guys need to go find a safe place, I'll be close behind, don't worry." I said, fully planning on following once the initial spasming had ceased.

"What? No! Not without you." Botan said, her eyebrows furrowing. "We don't leave friends behind." She finished, crossing her arms. I sighed when Yukina and Keiko nodded firmly in agreement.

"Please?" I gasped. A thump rumbled the ground and surprised the lot of us. I looked nervously behind me. "You need to leave. Now. Or I swear to God I'll make you." I said. It was an empty threat, but they didn't know that. A sympathetic look crossed their faces and I took back the previous statement. But they slowly nodded, wishing me luck and continuing to run.

The moment they were out of sight I collapsed onto my knees, groaning in pain. How had a surprise party taken such a horrible turn for the worse? Also, what was that thing and why was it after us? All of these thoughts crossed my mind and then the shaking stopped. I slowly turned to see the towering form of the wolf only twenty feet away.

It took all of my willpower to hold back the strangled scream that threatened to rip its way out of my throat. The crazed, red eyes landed on my small, shivering form and I slowly grasped my sword and stood, turning to face the creature.

"Beautiful night tonight, huh?" I said chuckling nervously. The thing blinked and didn't answer. I laughed again and looked away.

"Curious human, why do you not run?" It asked. My mouth slid open. It talked, the drooling, freaky godzilla thing talked! I was going to answer it when it sniffed the air and a shattering roar rent the still, night air. "Demon spawn! You will not escape again!" It yelled and I stumbled backwards, confused and terrified, until a black form burst from the trees, hurtling through the air.

There was a shimmer and blood burst from the monster's neck, spraying into the air like some sort of twisted fountain.

"Don't mock me, Wolf. I don't run." A snippy voice answered, low and gravelly and irritated. I blinked and my fingers clenched tightly around my blade.

"Hiei…" I whispered, recognizing the wild black hair and sharp, snarky attitude. My fingers clenched tighter. "Hiei…" My voice trailed off and then I narrowed my eyes. "You stupid idiot! Where the hell were you?!" I yelled, causing him to glare at me. The monster looked confused, but I ignored him for the second (at least, I was pretty sure that it was a him).

"Shut up, woman. This is none of your concern." He snapped, glancing over his shoulder at me. I pursed my lips.

"None of my concern?! Who got attacked by the giant bear-thing?!" I yelled, drowning out its warning growls. Hiei opened his mouth to answer when the werewolf lost its temper and leapt at his back. "Oh, you pissed it off." I commented dryly, as the stupid idiot disappeared and reappeared, another cut opening on the thing's back.

"You should have gone with the other women." He growled, glaring at me for the stupid joke. I scoffed and placed my hands on my hips. Stomping my foot down.

"Oh?! I'm too weak, is that right?" I snarled, trying to throw daggers with my eyes. He turned around and glared at me.

"Well, obviously." He said, as if the comment wasn't worth an answer. I felt a growl rising in my throat.

"I was doing just fine before you showed up, Prince Charming!" I yelled. Well, actually, I wasn't, but he didn't need to know that. Those deep, crimson eyes traveled to mine and he raised an eyebrow.

"Right." He gloated and swiped the last cut across the werewolf's throat, no questions asked. It fell to the ground and didn't move again. After my initial happiness I felt my face redden with anger.

"You're so stupid! This is why I hate you!" I screeched and stomped away, hoping that my comment stung. He deserved it. He so totally deserved it.

I glanced behind me one last time to see that he looked pale and kind of shocked. My heartbeat began to slow and then fall. Oh, okay, that was kind of uncalled for.

"Um, Hi-"

"Shut up." He growled and then evaporated from his spot between the trees on the center of the clearing that I was in. I huffed and turned back around.

"Fine."

Then I went to go find the other girls.

—

The house was in chaos. After the attack the night before Yuusuke, Kuwbara, Genkai and Kurama holed themselves up in a room and talked, or something, most of the night. I wasn't included of course. Neither were the other girls. We all stayed close by, though, just in case something else happened. I was half awake, keeping watch, but finding myself quite exhausted.

I really needed to sleep and heal and regain my energy. It wasn't often that I emptied my stores like that. At least my guilt was helping to keep me awake; every single time I closed my eyes all I saw was Hiei's face. I was annoyed that people imagined that I was helpless, but perhaps I could have been a bit nicer to him… Not that he deserves it.

I couldn't help thinking about his dead soul and realizing that I was not helping him heal at all. What ever was wrong him, my snippy, mean comments were not helping any.

I glanced around one last time, rubbing my tired, running eyes and that's when it became apparent to me. Someone was missing, someone who hadn't been at the party or present afterwards. I stood abruptly and slipped out the room, walking toward the 'conference' area to barge in on whatever the important people were discussing.

It wasn't important to me, I only care that the people who were actually helpless were safe. In seconds I was banging on the door, telling them to open it. There was a grumble, but Kurama opened the door, looking down at me with a polite, if not tense, smile.

"Yes?" He asked, it was perfectly nice, but somehow I felt like he was trying to rip my head off with his words. Well, no matter, I didn't care about that.

"Kurama, where's Eva?" I asked tersely. Honestly, I had been certain that he would know, but his face was haggard and tired and his expression turned to one of horror at my words.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his face, looking hopeless and annoyed and over-tired.

"Fuck. I should have known..." He swore uncharacteristically. "Come in. You might as well know what's going on." I was surprised to be invited into the 'powerful people only' group. Oh, whatever, I'm always with the girls. I don't need to be part of some group to feel strong.

I slipped through the door behind my red-haired acquaintance and surveyed the room. Genkai and Yuusuke were at a table, Kuwabara was sitting on a chair and, I blinked, Hiei was perched on a windowsill.

He was sitting with his knees pulled up, parallel to the window. I looked away, unable to face him at the moment. I still felt guilty for the night before. Everyone was giving me a look, as if wondering why I was in here.

"She knows Eva's missing." Kurama snapped, looking quite irritable. There were collective sighs from around the room and I leaned against the wall, imagining that I could melt into it. I really didn't want to be here. I wanted to know what was going on, but even an idiot could tell that I wasn't welcome. This place was full of people who had gone through a lot together. They were practically legend in Demon World.

It was not a place I belonged in and I knew it, but for Eva (because she was awfully nice) I would put up with the company for the time being. After all, what else could I do? I couldn't just run out of the room after learning that something was happening, besides, I really needed to talk to Hiei.

As much as I really wasn't interested in doing so.

"Why would a werewolf attack Genkai's house?" I asked quietly, looking to my feet. Werewolves were, of course, just a species of demon, just like a mermaid or vampire or other mythological creatures (most of them were, in fact, demons), they were also quite a high class species. They weren't any D-class snake demon, those things were big league; as in high C or low B-class.

Oh, all this talk of classes and I never really explained them. To make strength levels easier to understand a class is usually assigned to species of demons. Unlike humans, demons are born with an inert aptitude for magic and fighting, some more then others. The classes went from E to SS, E being the weakest of course. Most species were E or D, like goblins or gremlins. C-class were your mermaids. Then you have your higher classes, like vampires and werewolves in B. A-class demons are rare, such as fox demons, like Kurama. Hiei was also an A-class demon. He was of the fire flavor.

Although, don't misunderstand, these were just generalities. Some demons were stronger. For instance, half-demons like Yuusuke should be a B or C-class at best, but he was an S-class demon. A demon of the kind you don't ever screw with. If he had wanted to kill me during our little brawl he could have without batting an eyelash. Okay, I went on a tangent here, but you get the point. They were strong, I wasn't, that's why I often ended up as the damsel in distress.

I hated that description so much you couldn't even imagine it, but at that second that was my place and I was going to fight to stay in my place. I wanted to prove myself, I wanted to be able to be here and not feel like people were staring me down. I wanted to feel accepted. That was often my underlying reason for many things. I had my pride and followed my path, but sometimes you can't help but look around and wonder what went wrong with you.

Why couldn't you be as strong as them, you know? Why did you have to be born weaker? It didn't bother me so much at the time, but had black magic been offered to me I didn't know what I would have done. The temptation for power wasn't small, but I had my path and I was going to rigorously follow it. I had my weaknesses and faults and sometimes they could drag me down, but the thing to know is that there is always someone stronger then you, no matter what.

It was a strength to be able to look past obstacles and continue trying no matter what, so that was what I was going to do. I looked up, the uncertainty clearing from my eyes. I squared my shoulders and stepped away from the wall. It seemed that I had forgotten who I was and why I acted the way that I did, but now I remembered and I wasn't going to be that person I had been. I was myself and no one else, that meant that some things were good and that some things weren't, but it didn't matter.

I would try my best to be as helpful as possible no matter what the answer. This was big, Eva was gone and I wanted to help. I'd better start acting like it.

"Eva… accidentally opened a portal to Demon World." My mouth dropped open. How do you _accidentally_ open a portal to another dimension. That took a lot of magical oomph and I could only do one at my best or I had to have someone to help me. The thought of doing one accidentally…

Crazy.

"She _what_?" I gasped and then my face began to pale. "But… then is she okay?! Did that monster try to hurt her?!" I asked, bombarding Kurama with questions. The other people in the room apparently took pity on him, because Genkai took over. He seemed to be a bit out of it, like he couldn't think straight. Why would Kurama, a very old, very smart demon, have a problem like that?

Oh. Eva. _Right_.

"We don't think she got hurt, but we don't know for certain. All that we know is that a portal opened and that she's in Demon World." Genkai answered, my mouth twisted as I thought about her words.

"Then how do you know that she opened it and not some other person?" I asked, tilting my head. A few nervous glances were cast around the room, but Kurama, who had been staring distractedly at the door, was the one who piped up.

"I was there, it was definitely her." He said tersely, his fingers beginning to tap. I mean, I couldn't blame the guy if he was attached, but the centuries old fox demon with the sleepy and shy twelve year old? Right, that added up.

"Well, okay, so she's actually a pretty strong wizard, what's the big deal?" I asked. I mean, all crazy theories aside, she was still young and curious. If she was wanted to go to Demon World and was strong enough to open a portal then that's that. We'd just have to go find her and hope that she wasn't already dead. Hope really, really hard.

"She's never used magic." Oh. Well, okay then, that explains a lot.

—

The world was going crazy, I had decided. Not that Earth itself wasn't already down the tube, but all of the worlds. I mean, a person with enough raw power to accidentally open a portal? Without any training? That just didn't happen. Something was up. What that something was though, I didn't know. I tried to see it from a larger perspective, looking at all the angles and everything I happened to know.

So, Eva had a lot of raw magical talent. That was fact one. Fact two, she opened a portal without knowing the spell. Fact three, the legendary Demon Tournament was coming up fast for the first time in three years. Fact four, a werewolf just so happened to be on the other side of the portal. Fact five, the thing obviously knew Hiei. Those were the things I knew for certain, the rest was just speculation, but it seemed awfully weird that a strong, young woman would disappear with the tournament coming up. On top of that the demon that 'just so happened' to come through the portal knew this group?

Also, why didn't the thing follow the blood trail sooner? Human blood specifically was tasty to them and most demons would have been after me long before he was, so I could take a gander that it had been looking for something or came here with a clear purpose in mind.

Besides, the real question at hand was how Eva knew that spell without having ever used magic. Obviously the game was afoot and we were walking around blind. The smartest person in the group was plainly a basket case, Hiei was absolutely impossible to work with, Yuusuke and Kuwabara weren't the clearest thinkers I'd ever met, so that left Genkai (who was getting along in her years). There was no shortage of power here, but power was useless if we didn't know what we were fighting.

"Do you have any idea where the portal opened up to?" I asked, deciding that the best place to start was at square one. Where did the problem happen? Kurama glanced at me and took a deep breath, his eyes clearing some.

"Well, I know the general area." He answered. I leaned forward, wondering why he didn't finish answering. Everyone else sighed and I raised an eyebrow. "My old hunting grounds." Oh. Well… That'd be a problem with his history. Don't look at me like that, I do my research on all excessively powerful demons (just in case I go up against one at some point. I will then know the best way to run).

You see, Kurama is short for Yoko Kurama, the legendary fox demon. He disappeared off the face of the earth about twenty years before the current chat and, low and behold, shows back up as a mere shell of his former self. You see, Kurama held a place on the council that branded me as a suspicious person. He had since told me of his disagreement in the matters, but still…

Well, we had our disagreements. That's besides the point though, I'm just saying that his history is not exactly a secret because of his high status. Interestingly enough, if Hiei had not been roped into carrying out my sentence it would have been Kurama's job. It's a small world after all, right? Wow, my jokes are getting darker as we go along here.

"Okay then… I take it that there's a problem here." I said, chewing on my lip. My thumb was circling around the grip of my sword in a distracted fashion. Yes, the habit had developed on my other hand by that point. My brain was beginning to overheat, as I said before, thinking was not my strong point, but it was going to have to become my strong point fast because the other people here were wallowing around. They had been thinking the whole night and nothing useful appeared to have come out of it.

"You think?" He muttered, looking quite touchy. Life was getting weirder by the second and the world was going to end if _Kurama_ had become a hormonal teenager. I mean, Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei? I'm all for it, but Kurama? No way, he was the only level-headed male in the room. Both me and Genkai were fine, she was great at working under pressure and I was doing all right because I was so over-tired that my brain hadn't realized that I should be freaking out yet.

My eyebrow raised, I kind of figured that there was a problem, but I didn't know any of the details. If you hadn't figured it out yet, Kurama was not exactly open about his personal life, no one really knew what had happened to him or any of what he had gone through. Although I was guessing that many of the people in this group knew some stuff. They all seemed pretty close to me.

"Um, I hope I'm not being too forward, but why can't you return to your hunting grounds?" I asked, tilting my head. His face shadowed and he looked away, but I felt a sharp gaze land on me. Without looking up I knew that Hiei had heard my question. For whatever reason he wasn't very impressed with it though. Oh well, that wasn't my problem. I could ask whatever I wanted and besides, I really needed to know the details of everything if I was going to understand the whole picture.

"Do you want to deal with a psychotic demon bandit?" Hiei asked, looking at me carefully. I absorbed the information and mulled on it.

"Are you saying that Kurama and Yoko are separate people?" I asked, quite confused. How was that supposed to work. Wasn't Kurama just Yoko more humanized? That was what I had been led to believe. Hiei opened his mouth, probably to insult my intelligence, but Kurama cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"It's fine, Hiei. She's just trying to help." He said, sounding far more calm and Kurama-like. "It's not that Yoko and Shuuichi are separate entities, but my demon instincts are far more toned down and manageable with a mix like that. Similarly to a, for example, werewolf, it's hard to be around weak humans and not have the urge to hurt them." He was spelling it out a bit, but I could see where he was coming from.

Okay, so we return to hunting grounds, Kurama loses control and tries to, well, eat me and we fail miserably at saving Eva. You would think that Hiei would take this more seriously. After all, if I was eaten, he died too. A thought suddenly popped into my head and my face brightened.

"Oh, you don't think that someone is trying to make that happen do you?" I asked suddenly. Everyone's eyes widened and even Yuusuke and Kuwabara (who had been playing cards at the table until now) looked up. "What? I was just thinking that maybe someone wanted you to lose your cool. As in, they took Eva and put you into a problematic situation on purpose, perhaps hoping that you would impetuously go after her." I explained my thought and a smirk suddenly started on Kurama's face. His whole being brightened, as if I had given him the kick that he needed to quite acting like the world was disintegrating.

"Now, you finally used your brain." Hiei said, and if I didn't know any better I would have thought that he might have actually sounded sort of proud. But Hiei? Complimenting me? Yeah, that's on the 'causes of apocalypse' list too.

"But who would do that though, you know?" I said, laughing slightly. I had just sort of assumed that Hiei was being sarcastic, I suppose.

"No, no, you have a point. I have more then a few enemies and I can think of a few smart enough to pull off a stunt like that." He said, inspecting me while he thought. Honestly? I was surprised and flattered that my idea had gone over so well. I had sort of expected to be laughed at and then sent back to guard the other women. That's when my face turned white and I stood abruptly.

Genkai glanced at me, she had been rather quiet up to this point, and raised one pale eyebrow.

"If this person, or people, pulled this on Kurama what is stopping them from doing it to the others?" I asked, glancing toward Yuusuke and Kuwabara. They both looked startled and then stood up loudly, bolting past me (to go check on their female companions of course) without a backward glance. I stood, shocked, with my hand raised to open the door.

Kurama chuckled and patted my hair, following the other two.

"Don't worry, they're always the that." He assured, smiling. This one felt a lot less threatening and a lot more realistic then the original though. I smoothed my mussed hair, feeling a blush creep its way up my neck. Genkai punched me on the arm and rolled her eyes.

"Good work, kid." She commented dryly and ditched the room. The blush was now equally from anger as from embarrassment and I squirmed, happy. That's when I realized it though.

I was now in the room, alone, with Hiei. Shoot me now.

(A/N: Sorry about how long this took, somehow posting it managed to slip my mind (because I'm stupid, hahahaha). Anyway, I hope you like it and because I love you guys, I won't make you wait too long on that cliffhanger!


	12. And Now I Know My Mistake

I stilled and stared my feet. I couldn't leave, but I was worried that if I made any sudden movements then he would run off. Serious conversations were not his forte, nor were they mine which is why we almost never spoke at all.

"What now?" I finally asked. He did realize that we were going to have to resolve our disputes at some point. Our bond was only getting stronger (which annoyed me immensely) and it was getting harder to ignore him. I could feel a phantom thumb tapping against a sword hilt and almost laughed because Hiei's habits were quite similar to mine. Not that we had anything in common.

"You learn how to shut your big mouth?" He snapped, looking irritated. I turned to look at him and realized that he irritated me just for that reason. He didn't want me too nervous to move. See! He was hard to dislike when you could see why he acted the way he did. Gah!

"What? Am I disrupting your silence?" I asked and grabbed a seat, spinning it around so I could sit on it backwards. It really was more comfortable to sit that way. He didn't answer for a few seconds and I was mildly surprised. Had I finally managed to knock him speechless?

"You've _been_ disrupting my silence for six months." He growled, turning his head away to glare out the window. His foot began to bounce and I could feel that too.

What was he trying to say? Was he implying that I was simply an irritation that he had to live with or was he trying to say something that I was missing? It was hard to tell when Hiei was the one doing the talking. He could mean something or he might just be trying to get back at me for my vicious comments. Well, only one way to find out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. Oops, that was more snappy then I had intended it to be. Well, what can I say? He could have been nicer about it.

"It means that it hasn't been quiet." He pointed out. "Idiot."

Well, leave it to a guy to say what he means and that's it. I should have figured. It hadn't been quiet, huh? I thought back to getting plastic stuck in my foot and helping heal his arm and getting attacked by those snakes and being so angry that I wanted to explode almost all the time and the day our swords changed and when he tried to apologize (but failed miserably). He was right, it hadn't been quiet. My life was loud almost constantly, but weirdly enough, I didn't think that was a bad thing.

"Is it really so bad?" I finally murmured, turning my head to look at him from where I had been leaning on my hand.

"I don't like annoyances." He snapped, crossing his arms. God, what a little kid, no wonder he couldn't get along with Kuwabara (who was the biggest annoyance I had ever met, but he was sweet anyway).

"Yes, oh king, because no one can ever annoy the great Hiei." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him. "This isn't about the fact that you have no self-control, it's about whether or not we can handle being in the same room for two seconds." I said, and huffed, leaning back. This conversation was going nowhere. See? I told you that he was impossible.

After a moment, he showed no signs of movement and I rubbed my eyes and stood up. I was over-tired, short-tempered and really not in the mood. If he wasn't going to be helpful for once, then whatever. I went to leave and a constraining hand stopped me. I glanced behind me and jumped when I found Hiei about two inches away.

"Jesus!" I yelped. What? I could have said something worse.

"Angela." He said simply and I slumped letting go of the door-knob and looking up at him with a sigh. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck at my stare and I noted that he was still wearing that loose t-shirt while tapping my foot in impatience.

"What is it, Hiei? Are you actually going to say something un-sarcastically or am I getting my hopes up too high?" I asked, feeling guarded and annoyed. Sleepless nights did not work wonders for my mood. No, they did not.

Then something insane happened. He cracked a smile and snickered, looking to the side. My mouth dropped open and I knew that I must look insanely confused. I felt that way, after all.

"What?" I squeaked, feeling my face starting to burn up. He continued to shake from laughter and the only thing I was certain of was that he was laughing at _me_. "What?!" I yelled and stomped my foot, glaring at him. "I would slap you if it didn't hurt me." I grumbled, crossing my arms and looking to the window. The laughter finally ceased and, as expected, out came the snarky comment.

"If you don't calm down your face is going to explode." He said, still looking amused. I stared at him blankly, then narrowed my eyes and unceremoniously kicked him in the shin.

"You're an asshole." I snapped and tried to stomp away. God- "Stop that! If you're going to stop me at least say something useful!" I gasped, struggling against his iron grip. Why did he have to be so insanely strong? I couldn't even enjoy the muscles because he was so impossible to be around!

"I was trying to." He said, sounding exasperated. Oh good, at least I had finally run out his urge to laugh at me, because I definitely sick of that.

"Well then spit it out. Or are you not man enough to speak your mind?" I challenged, glaring up at him. At least I could now look him straight in the eye without the danger of a soul-gaze. They only happen once (and I was still curious about what mine looked like). His face flattened and I suddenly felt like I knew what Hiei's opponents felt like. His crimson eyes stared coldly at me and I shivered.

It was really not the moment, but my brain suddenly thought that it was a good time to remember that he was insanely hot. My mouth went dry and I swallowed, letting out a slow breath.

"Oh, I'm plenty man enough." He said, leaning toward my face. I wanted to lean away, but my body wasn't responding. He came closer and then my brain snapped to attention and I stumbled backwards.

"This is not a question of your asexual problems Hiei, you're still avoiding the subject." I said, distancing myself from him. For whatever reason, I just couldn't handle being so close to him at this time. I really needed some space or I was going to go crazy. "I want to know one thing." I said, keeping my gaze at his eyes. Okay, too personal, way to personal.

"And what is that?" He asked, trapping me between his body and the door.

"Woah, woah, quit that!" He smirked, as if saying 'what?' I glared. "That thing you're trying to do where you distract me while I'm trying to talk!" I squawked, trying to slip underneath his arm to run away.

"What? You find me distracting?" He asked, grinning superiorly down at me, or up at me. Whatever.

"No." I muttered. "That! Stop it! I just wanted to say sorry and ask what you thought about me!" I finally yelled, having reached the end of my patience and strength. He stepped away and finally gave me space. I sighed heavily and rubbed my face. Well, that was one way to make me get out my feelings. Why is it that our conversations never made any sense until the very end? It's like he purposefully tried to get me to lose my train of thought.

What am I saying? It wasn't like that, it was that. He did it on purpose.

"I think you're weird." He said, my head snapped up and my expression twisted. _What?_ "You're odd and confusing and annoying. And for the last time, I'm not asexual." He snorted and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. I blinked then stepped forward and in one stupidly impetuous action grabbed that stupid shirt, dragged him down and pressed my lips against his.

It was violent and rude and I pulled back in seconds.

"Now we're even." I said and strutted out of the room, my hair swinging in its high ponytail. I kept feeling it swish against my shoulders and could only think one thing.

_Well, that wasn't so bad._

—

I strapped my sword more tightly to my hip and continued fiddling with the hilt. We were going to save Eva, this was the plan, but there had been some obvious problems. I was really not ready to go into a potentially very dangerous area yet, but the group needed Hiei, so they couldn't just leave me behind. That meant that Genkai was staying to watch over the girls.

A woman named Shizuru had joined a few hours after deciding that going to find Eva was our best plan for action. It was probably playing right into the other teams hand (whoever it was) but we couldn't just leave her. Only God knows what's happening to her!

So here I was, fiddling with my sheath and feeling a bit nervous, but quite pumped. The rest of the group might not think that I was ready, but honestly I was more then ready. I wanted out of that house and I wanted out right then. I was sick of just training! My fiery spirit couldn't handle _just_ training, I needed some action and excitement. It had been too long and all of my girly worries and feelings began to take a back seat.

I could feel the terrifying power and bloodlust rising. This need for fighting should have worried me, but I'll be damned if it did. I was in no way, shape, or form worried. My only jitters came from nervous, excited energy that was pulsing in waves. One moment I would be sick with anticipation, the next I was perfectly calm and clear-minded. It was quite disconcerting, but I was loving every second of it.

This anticipation killed me, but I was finally feeling alive and in the moment. My body knew that what was coming was going to be satisfying; and I repeat, this should have worried me. The only thing that was worrying me was that it didn't.

"And you kids be careful, alright? I don't want any dead bodies coming back to me, you hear?" Genkai said sternly. I rolled my eyes and nodded, noticing a very similar reaction from the rest of the group. We knew all the rules because she had repeated them at least seven times at this point and, trust me, it was a long list. This was only the ending of it. I won't bore you with the whole spiel, because it wasn't important. Except for that one part where she reminded us to wash behind our ears. That was pretty funny to me.

Nostalgic, I guess. My mother used to say that as a joke because I was quite obsessively clean and did not need to be reminded. It made me a little bit sad, to be honest. That sadness wasn't enough to outrank my excitement though. It was only a passing memory, after all. The only fleeting thought that I payed any attention too was my pity for the others. They had obviously heard this list of orders more times then they cared to remember. I wanted to laugh.

At the end of the long list of things Hiei finally showed his stupid face (good, I was beginning to feel sick from how far away he'd been) and I really had to hold back my laugh this time. His face was stony and annoyed. I couldn't help but wonder what had caused that annoyance. Kurama wasn't too far behind him and looked quite satisfied with himself.

Something told me that Kurama was the source of his irritation. I wonder why I thought that?

That was sarcasm, by the way.

"Alright, are we all ready?" Kurama asked. There was a general affirmative and then there was the spark for my excitement.

"Then let's rock and roll!" Yuusuke shouted and waved before taking off. When I say take off I mean he literally started running. Not the kind of running you normally see where the person is sweating and breathing hard, but a silent, speed run. This was the kind of run used to get to another place quickly.

I sprinted after him, thankful for the amount of running that I normally did. A little bit of magic and some good practice made it _possible_ to keep up. I really hoped that we weren't going very far though, because I honestly couldn't keep up speed like that for a very long period of time. For about two miles we continued and then I felt my heart jerk and stutter before I stalled and came to a complete stop, clawing at the area.

I could see the irritation on the others faces at my stop, but I couldn't help it, my brain was becoming fuzzy, and my muscles were twitching. What was going on?!

Hiei. Hiei had gone too far. I wasn't anywhere near his speed. He was practically supersonic in speed. My fingers twitched and I sucked in a breath when the man in question materialized next to us.

"Stupid woman." He said and I was suddenly lifted bodily off of the ground and thrown over someone's shoulder. I screeched and struggled, still trying to clear my hazy vision, but the intense heat that traveled through my abdomen told me who was holding me and I lifted my head, trying to move.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled, panicking slightly. My neck was craned at an awkward angle to see his face when he glanced back, but I saw the irritated expression quite clearly.

"Carrying you. What does it look like?" He said. Ugh, it _looked_ like I was getting kidnapped.

"Can't I at least be comfortable?" I asked, my stomach already starting to hurt from his sharp shoulder. He sighed and lifted his arm. In an act of desperation I levitated myself to sit comfortably on his shoulders. If I was going to be stuck, I could at least pick a good spot.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He growled. I looked down from my perch and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm compromising, what does it look like? Now I'm comfortable and you can run, what's the big deal?" I asked. He hunched slightly and muttered under his breath. Goosebumps raised on my arms as his voice rumbled against my thighs. Well, perhaps I could see his issue now, but it didn't matter.

My mind wandered back to that kiss and I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my chest against his hair. He tensed and I tried to hold back a grin. Well, perhaps I was starting to believe that he wasn't asexual


	13. Oops

Contrary to popular belief, Hiei actually had quite silky hair. No, really. I always thought that it was styled to stick up the way that it did, but I'm fairly certain that it actually acted that way naturally. Well, leave it to Hiei to have hair with a mind of its own. I mean, you could write off that white stripe as demon blood, but the defiance of gravity? I don't know about that.

The really interesting thing was that it was so well-taken-care-of. I expected his hair to be knotted and at least have dandruff or something, but nope. There wasn't any sign of that sort of thing. It was clean and brushed and treated quite nicely. For the last twenty minutes I had spent my time pondering over whether it would be better to braid Hiei's hair or put it in pigtails. Suddenly the answer came to me!

I could put it in a bunch of braided ponytails. All over his head, the little ones. Then I found a road-block. What would I tie them all with? Magic, of course! I started plotting what to do when I was suddenly, and unceremoniously, dumped onto the ground. My back smacked against the hard earth and I felt all of the breath rush out of me in one painful huff.

I coughed and struggled to breath before finally looking up with an enraged glare.

"What the hell, Hiei?! You could have warned me!" I gasped, choking on air for another few seconds. Finally the spasm in my diaphragm passed and I stood up, rubbing my back. It didn't really hurt that much, but when Hiei was the one being mean you had to make a big deal out of it. The guy hated the attention that it caused and it was my purpose in life to irritate the hell out of him.

"Hn." He grunted. That was not a word. Didn't he know that? Perhaps I should tell him that a monosyllabic grunt was not a word. Remind him and all, maybe he didn't know.

"What he means to say is that we're here." Kurama inserted, putting a restraining hand on my shoulder when I motioned to leap onto Hiei's back. Oh, now that I thought about it, he probably hurt himself dropping me like that.

Ha, it serves him right. Maybe he'll remember to treat ladies nicely the next time he gives someone a ride on his shoulders. Wait, what am I saying? Why in the world would he do that? He's stuck with me and only me!

I tried to imagine him being in a relationship with a girl and all I could picture was a tall woman that looked weirdly like Kurama. That worried me. Perhaps Hiei wasn't asexual, maybe he was gay! I stared at him, horrified and then glanced at the other person in question. Kurama blinked at the blank stare I was giving him and I couldn't help but note that he really was quite the looker.

I mean, he could pass as a girl if he wanted to. Heck, if I wasn't so observant I might have thought that he _was_ a woman.

Oh, right, he mentioned something about us arriving and I looked up. A moment later I took a step backwards, the pleasant smile still on my face. I got some funny looks, but you would have done it too. When I looked up, instead of being distracted and living inside my thoughts, I found a looming, dark cave mouth threatening to swallow me up.

Shoot me for being quite startled.

"That… that is a cave." I stated, unable to really construct my thoughts into words. Did I ever tell you guys that I used to be scared of the dark? Well, freaky cave that looks like a giant mouth about to eat me and is totally unlit? Yes, most of my fear was gone. Not all of it. I shivered and couldn't seem to make myself move.

"Yup. Pleasant place, huh?" Yuusuke said, grinning. I turned to look at him mechanically and chuckled, not amused in the slightest. Kuwabara locked him in a choke-hold and started arguing with him about respecting other people and being nice and basically babbling on.

"Very observant, captain obvious." Hiei snapped over the din, crossing his arms.

"Shut up, lieutenant sarcasm!" I snapped right back. He closed his eyes with a 'hmph' and I wanted to throttle his stupid throat. Maybe then I could shut him up!

The atmosphere calmed me down though and I took a deep breath, facing the cave. I could do this, right?

Guys?

—

We had been walking in this cave for hours and the original fear had dulled down to a manageable roar. Now I was just bored of walking and I could have sworn that we had walked past that funky rock at least five times at this point. I trusted Kurama not to get us lost though. He probably knew exactly where we were. Though one question was on my mind.

Why didn't they all just construct a portal to get us into Demon World? Wouldn't that have been faster? So, I asked Kurama. This was his answer.

"Well, you see, we would have had to go through five inconsecutive portals and quite a few dangerous areas to correctly traverse the continuum to the safest and closest area. This portal is a secure route." Okay, that made- What?

"He's saying that it's faster and more direct this way." Hiei muttered, rolling his eyes. I stuck my tongue out at him, but was thankful for the explanation. The original had too many big words.

I looked forward again and just in time for us to emerge into a huge cavern with an underground lake. Mist hung over it, but witch-lights hung at regular intervals and a huge, glowing portal was set up on the other side. Wow, this was just.

"Wow." I said. So that was what a professionally made portal looked like. Mine just looked like indistinct rips in the air. This would take… some serious power. "Is this open all the time?" I asked, still looking around the cave in awe.

"Well, technically, yes." Yuusuke said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It was a beast to design though, let me tell you." He laughed and I couldn't help thinking that he probably didn't design it himself. At Kurama's light smirk my suspicions were confirmed, but I just smiled and nodded. How interesting.

"Hey, I helped too, Urameshi!" Kuwabara scowled and I still found myself amazed at his carrot hair. How did he get it to look like that?

We all walked to the bridge that went over the water and headed on over it. On the way, I found myself lagging toward the back of the group. Not because I was tired, but because I was thinking. It had never been so apparent to me how weak I was, but now that I had been around all of this power and strength and cunning I couldn't help looking at my own meager study and feeling a little bit… Lame.

That's not the best word, but at the same time it fit. The word lame was lame. I felt like that word. A word that was just… Awful. Awful to say, awful to be, just awful in general. That was how I felt. I knew that there was always someone stronger then you, but this was a lot of those people and looking at this intense show of power and ingenuity I felt, well, lame.

"Are you trying to slow us down?" Hiei snipped. I winced, that had not been the best moment for that comment. Any other time and I probably would have brushed it off as a Hiei comment, but I was a bit vulnerable to it at the time and the line stung. I didn't make it obvious that it hurt or anything. When I was actually in pain I didn't often show it, it wasn't my style, but for once I really wished that Hiei could control his mouth.

Most of the time I rocked at taking verbal beatings, but not so much at that moment. I kind of wanted to melt to the ground right there and be by myself, but I couldn't do that anymore. I was never truly alone at all and my lack of privacy would continue to get worse until I didn't have any at all.

See? This is why I didn't try and spend my time thinking. I just got depressed about things that didn't really matter in the long run.

"No." I murmured and sped up, catching up to Kurama and chatting with him. It was far easier to avoid Hiei if I was talking to someone. He was much less likely to try and bother me. One more pointed comment like that and I wasn't sure what I would do. Something horrible, probably. I would stab him, or worse, I would start thinking about doing so to myself.

Such stressful times. I really had to figure out how to handle my new life more calmly and accordingly. I couldn't afford to freak out like this during important times, it would end badly. But what could I do?

Something told me that if I wasn't careful then these mounting small problems with Hiei that we weren't handling very well were going to blow up in my face. It was going to happen at some point, I just had to pray that it wasn't at a really bad moment. Right then, though, I didn't want to deal with these problems. I definitely didn't want the extra headache and I most certainly didn't want to deal with Hiei.

"It's not going to end well when shit hits the fan." I muttered, mostly to myself. Kurama glanced over, but didn't comment. I think that he realized how frustrated I was and besides, he probably didn't care. He only put up with me because I was always with Hiei, that's just how it worked.

The stupid guy was detrimental to saving Eva and if I was left behind so was he, so he was putting up with me. Sometimes I wondered what he actually thought of people behind that mask he always had up. Kurama himself was a nice enough guy, but he had more then a few skeletons in his closet. I could feel it.

It made me curious as to whether Eva knew much about him. Based on his personality and what I'd seen of hers… Probably not. She was extremely shy and he had a wall ten feet thick. Made out of stainless steel and ice. Yeah, I was guessing on a no there.

Finally we reached the end of the bridge and I had to literally crane my neck to see the top of this huge contraption. I was betting that it was only that big because it had to have a mother-load of power, though. It would also need to be very well-controlled and stable. How else would you keep demons interested in terrorizing humans out of human world? The only real way to do it was to control the portals passing between the two dimensions. Another reason why finding Eva was crucial.

The portal she created was unauthorized and therefore very illegal. If we didn't find her before the council did then she could get into some serious trouble. She might get off with probation if she was lucky, like me, but not everyone got off so easily. It was hard to say what decision the council would come to in her case. Really, it wouldn't be necessary if we found her first and then got to explain. Kurama held a high place on the council, as I had mentioned before, and would definitely put in a good word for her.

So, really, the only thing that was left in the balance was time. Something that no one seemed to have enough of.

"State your name and show me your I.D." A uniformed man ordered, walking up to Yuusuke. The tall man flashed the guard a smile and showed him something which immediately sent the guard scurrying away apologizing to the next person. Hiei snorted and got through, Kurama close behind. Kuwabara also went through without a hitch and then the guard reached me. I blinked and felt lost.

"Name and I.D." He said sternly. The man had brown hair, was of medium height and was generally normal looking. Except for his purple eyes and long ears. Must be a faerie. Good idea to use faeries as guards, actually. They couldn't lie so it would be extremely difficult to screw with the system or do anything underhanded.

Although you could never underestimate them. They had their ways around most security measures and were extremely cunning. Another good reason for them to _be_ the security measures.

"Um…" I trailed off and Kurama walked over, patting my head. Did he have to do that?

"Sorry, she's with us. She hasn't been registered yet because she's a new recruit, sorry." He said. The guard seemed to hesitate but nodded at Kurama's chilly stare and went back to his post. Moments later a door opened into the portal and I took a deep breath.

"What? New recruit? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, very confused and quite suspicious. Kurama just shook his head, implying that then was not the time or it wasn't important, I wasn't certain which. Probably both. One by one everyone slipped through the portal and me and Hiei were last.

"How is this supposed to work?" I asked. If he went in ahead of me I would start convulsing on the spot and find myself paralyzed, but I didn't know if going together was the best idea either. It could take a while to get all the way through the inbetween and I wasn't sure I wanted his company during that time.

"Hn. Obviously we go at the same time. Use your brain." Hiei snapped, glaring at the guard. The guard seemed quite nervous, but that couldn't compare to me. I was nervous enough about using this portal. I couldn't really remember my last few portals. The first time I had fallen into an area filled with noxious gas and nearly died of laughter (literally) and the second time I had been unconscious and under arrest.

My track record wasn't looking so hot. So, I was nervous, albeit for good reasons, but still quite nervous about going through this portal and Hiei, in all of his brilliance, was not helping matters.

"Well, I guess." I said slowly, feeling very small and insignificant in front of this hulking piece of magically charged machinery. Why couldn't I have ended up with a guy that actually cared about how I felt? Hiei didn't know, and didn't care to know, any of my fears. They were stupid and had no purpose in his eyes. How was I supposed to depend on someone like that?

And that's why a relationship between the two of us would never work out.

Suddenly I was lifted from behind and set on top of a pair of broad shoulders. I felt small and childish and yelped like one too, but I was comforted by the simple action. I knew that Hiei hated having me on his shoulders and yet he did it of his own volition. He might be an insensitive jerk but, I smiled softly and hooked my arms gently around his neck, he had his moments.

"You ready yet? My baggage is heavy." He said dryly. I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed by lips. My moment of happiness almost disappeared, but I just so happened to note the dusting of pink on his cheeks and sat back, satisfied.

"Yes, my steed. Ride." I nearly laughed as his eyes twitched spastically, but left it at that.

"I will throw you off." He grumbled, stomping toward the fluctuating rip in space-time.

"Yes, I know." I answered, trying to hype myself up. At least I wasn't going to have to walk through of my own volition, we might have been standing there all day. He suddenly sped up and I cringed, my voice squeaking. "Hiei, maybe this is a bad ide- ahhh!" I screeched as a wave of mist enveloped the both of us, an intense tingle rushing over my skin, then there was a thump and I opened my, eyes peeking up from where I had hidden in Hiei's hair, to find that it was over.

"Oh." I said. My steed grunted and shoved me off of his shoulders, but this time I saw it coming and landed gracefully on my feet, pulling up to my full height after dusting myself off. "So polite." I scoffed, looking around. The others were standing, waiting for us impatiently in a nice, safe, valley surrounded by flowering trees. It was a beautiful place.

There was no way it wasn't sinister in some way, shape, or form. I mean, we were in Demon World for pete's sake, everything was sinister in some way, shape, or form. As the dangerous air burned in my lungs that excitement from before came back and I found myself bouncing, ready to go. My sword was still humming on my hip and I headed over to the group.

There was a headcount and then we were off to find a place to hole up until Hiei could locate Eva, but of course I was right, everything was sinister here. Within in a few minutes we had been attacked by various goblins, a ghoul and even some of the plants. The plants!

Pfft, and that thing thought that it could strangle me and I would die in peace. Well, something died. In pieces. In what world does the plant life attack you? That was just horrible. I am horrified. Oh, wait, I've had that happen before. What am I saying? The plant life is just the start, some demons actually use it as their main weapon, like Kurama (which is weird), but here's the interesting part. There aren't any 'animals' only many different species of demon.

So what is the top one? Food for thought, there.

We did eventually find a place to stop though. A huge, hollowed out tree. Nifty. We walked in and Hiei went up to the top of the tree to sit on its branches. I watched and then finally got bored of seeing him sit there and looked toward Kurama.

"What's he doing?" I asked. The red-head turned from his book and smirked.

"He's finding Eva." Was the answer. I looked back up and then gave him a doubtful look. How was he looking for Eva, he was just sitting there. "Go up and ask." He said, giving me a daring look that challenged me to actually go up and bother him. I shrugged and walked outside, looking for the best way up.

Well, if I wanted to know then I'd go ask. Kurama looked quite surprised as I took off up the tree. Tree-climbing was a specialty of mine and I quite enjoyed doing it. I arrived at the top of the tree in a jiffy and nearly materialized next to Hiei. That was when I found myself with a rather unpleasant surprise waiting for me.

"Woman, you're distracting. Go away." He muttered, but he sounded more guarded then usual, as if trying to hide something. His voice sounded less irritated and more hurried. I continued forward, ignoring him. His next line was harsh and more then annoyed. He was mad. "Can you go. You're distracting me!" He growled. I jumped.

"Good God, are you glowing?!" I gasped, seeing an odd purple glow emanating from his forehead. He was turned away from me though, so it was hard to tell.

"No! Now leave before I cut you in half." He snarled, his voice growing more hostile by the second. I was confused, what was the big deal? I bothered him all the time, why the sudden hostility? What was he hiding from me?

"No." I said and sat down, his threat was empty anyway, he couldn't hurt me if he wanted to. Well, I suppose that he was physically capable of it, but he wouldn't. He would only hurt himself.

The next thing wasn't said at all, he just snapped around and hit me. My hands slid up to my face in horror and even as I slipped from my spot on the tree I could only think one thing.

He hurt me. Why would he do that?

I don't really remember falling very well. It's sort of disjointed and dark and I think that someone caught me before I hit the ground. It would have hurt, for sure, perhaps I would have even been seriously injured, but I was too upset. It felt like the world was folding in around me. I never thought that it would hurt so badly to have Hiei angry at me. Annoyed and irritated was normal, he walked around with a permanent scowl on his face, but he was more then irritated, he was pissed.

I stared blankly at my feet hanging off of the edge of my little bunk in the tree, like I had been for the last twenty minutes, wishing that someone would come save me. I got to live my dream of meeting the people that were my idols and it turned out to be a nightmare. Being soul-bonded to Hiei Jaganshi? That should have been amazing.

It wasn't. He did even like me, he never smiled, he was never nice, he never wanted to be around me, I wasn't important. I had never thought that I would end up with someone who hated me so much. I glanced over at my arm and closed my eyes. Right, I put myself in this place. Every bad thing that happened to me was my fault. I walked myself into this situation, not on purpose, but I knew that I was going in the wrong direction.

I shivered. It was a lonely world when you were alone. I was standing in the middle of a crowd and yet had no one.[That's how Hiei feels.] I couldn't help but think about the injustice of it all. Why is it that some people in the world suffered and others got everything handed to them on a silver platter? If there was a God, how could He let that happen to people? I had decided it long before, but God wasn't fair.

I slid out of my bed and walked out into the dark night. The irony was overwhelming. I was in Demon World at night surrounded by people who had done more then a few things they wouldn't want to talk about and I was stained as much if not worse then them and as all of this went on I tilted my head back and looked up at the foreign stars.

"God, if you're listening, if you even exist, I know I'm not the… Best person, heck I've screwed up so much I wouldn't be shocked if you ignored me, but… I just wanted to say, um, thanks. I know this sounds weird, but You, um, You've let me go through a lot of stuff and I've learned a lot from my mistakes and… Stuff. I also wanted to ask, uh, if its possible, could you help me make this work?" My brain was spinning, but the words were coming out. Albeit, in a bit of a stuttering fashion. They weren't what I thought they were going to be, but I was doing my best.

"I mean, with, you know, Hiei. He's a frustrating a- git, but there must be some way- somehow this should be able to work. I don't know… I don't hate him anymore- actually, sometimes I even like him- and I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Just, help me. Help me to not be afraid and do the right thing. Please? Um, amen." I finished and glanced around before scurrying back inside and getting into bed.

—

When I awoke, I awoke with a vengeance. Most of the time I had a really hard time getting out of bed and wandered around like a zombie for a solid hour before my brain finally realized that I was awake. Not in Demon World apparently. I heard someone move and my eyes snapped open instantly. I was alert and ready and there was already something that I wanted to do (other then eat breakfast).

I needed to find Hiei and figure out his damn problem and I needed to do it before we left. I was going to get to the bottom of this whole problem even if I had to strangle him to do it. No distractions, no avoiding the question, we weren't looking for Eva until he could treat me like a human being. End of story.

I walked out of our hollowed tree after getting everything back inside of the small pack that I brought with me. It was enchanted to be able to hold a lot and had clothes, food, supplies, and some other things in it. It was better to have too much stuff then to go unprepared. Although I'll admit that I did forget a few choice things, like a toothbrush.

My mouth was going to taste disgusting by the time we got back.

That was besides the point though. I had spent the better part of the night thinking about what had happened between Hiei and I. You would think that I would be less distracted by this, but it was becoming more and more obvious to me that I was going to be miserable if I couldn't learn to like him. Sometimes I did. Hiei had his moments where he could be sweet or devilishly handsome or adorable (don't tell him that I said that), but he was a jerk most of the time.

I really was gaining a first-hand understanding of how abusive relationships worked. I felt animosity and fear of, well, Hiei growing in my heart. I kept thinking of how cold he sounded. I really meant nothing to him. That hurt a little bit. I wanted to mean something, I wanted to matter to him. Was that a crime? I knew that somewhere inside he wasn't so bad and was perfectly capable of being nice, but every time I got too close he backpedaled and shoved me away.

What was he so afraid of? Was he afraid that if he showed his true colors then I was going to hate him? I'd already gone that route and from what I'd seen of his true colors I liked. I liked it a lot more then I liked his violence. I had a serious issue with bloodlust and often went totally insane when fighting, that was something I had to come to terms with about myself, so what was he hiding?

I searched through the leaves of the tree and finally found his black coat high up in the branches. I tensed to jump up then found my stomach clenching in fear. I blinked, shocked. Had that pain really affected me so much. I looked up and swallowed, then looked back to my hand and feet.

"Oh, Angela, this is stupid. Just go!" I urged, but my legs were still frozen. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to go up there, but I felt like I should. It was just this urge that said 'you should do that' and I couldn't ignore it. I wanted to turn around and walk right back inside, but the need to go up was so strong I couldn't do it. "You can do this." I whispered to myself and slowly climbed up, trying to stay quiet and un-intrusive.

I really didn't want to make him angry again… At least, I thought that I didn't, but the closer I got the more annoyed I became. I saw his hair and only thought 'stupid' and began insulting him thoroughly in my head, then I would back off and be horrified at myself, but then it would start again. I couldn't seem to decide whether I hated Hiei or respected him.

Well, okay, I didn't really respect him anymore. I used to. Once upon a time, I respected him for him strength and speed and finesse. He was someone I looked up to and wanted to be like, but now, after that stunt, my respect for him failed. Even when I had hated him, I still liked that power, wanted it. Now the thought of it made me feel sick. It made my face start to ache.

There wasn't a mark, no obvious one, because I had healed it, but it still ached. My cheek and my heart. I had started to foster this idea that perhaps he might, you know, have started to feel _something_ for me. I had something, though I wasn't quite certain how to put it, for him. Relationships had never ended very well for me and this wasn't helping any. My last one had been, well, to put it lightly, quite shitty.

I didn't think that I could handle another one. I was indecisive and now hopeless. Alright, where had all my strength gone? I was Angela Marie Portman, quit being a wimp and walk you're stupid ass up to him. God.

"Hiei." I said. The name sounded foreign in my mouth, as if it was filled with cotton and hard to say, hard to shape. "You're an asshole. I thought I should tell you that." I muttered, as if rehearsing it to myself.

The words were not quite as easy to say as I had hoped, but the moment they were out of my mouth I suddenly knew that that wasn't what I wanted to say. It's hard to explain, but I just suddenly knew what I needed to tell him. They were words that I wouldn't have expected and I wasn't sure I understood all of it, but that was okay. I needed to say them, I just had to pray that he was willing to listen.

I came up onto the branch and kept my distance, clenching my hands to hold my ground. He didn't move as I landed, but it didn't matter to me.

"Hiei." I had to pause and take a deep breath because I was shaking like a leaf and only my clenched hands were keeping me from sprinting in the other direction. After all, better to not try then try and fail, right? What if he just didn't care? It didn't matter, though. I shoved all of those doubts about myself and my worth into the back of my head. I made my own worth, that was all there was to it, but that didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy someone else's company, right? I had to get him to understand.

"I'm not angry at you." I began, this time I thought I saw him twitch and it gave me the courage to continue. "And I don't hate you. Sometimes you frustrate me and sometimes I don't always think that I can handle being stuck with you, but at the same time you can be nice and funny; and after all this time I've found that the idea of being stuck with you for the remainder of my life isn't so bad." I paused and took a deep breath.

"And Hiei, I don't blame you." At this there was a definite movement. "Losing my arm was my fault and I'm sorry that I blamed you. I'm sorry that I caused a lot of drama. I'm sorry that I irritate you. I'm sorry that you're stuck with me and I'm sorry that perhaps I'm not as strong as I should be. But… I just wanted you to know that I'm not sorry that I'm stuck with you." This was lengthy. Where was all of this coming from?

All I could hope was that I was getting through to him, because I meant every word of it, even if it had taken me a while to see it.

"I really respected you, you know, before I met you personally. I know that I can be pretty clueless and I'm pretty screwed up, but I hope that we can at least get along." I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, one side was slightly heavier then the other, but I ignored it. "And I think its an honor to be changing into a demon." I said.

That was it. I was done. Now it was all up to him. I stilled and shut my mouth. I would stay silent until he either answered or left all by himself. It was humiliating to wait and be put under such extreme observation and finally the man himself turned.

I opened my ocean blue eyes to find his crimson ones staring calmly at me. He didn't look angry, he seemed contemplative, looking at me as if trying to find something. I was startled to see that the glow from before was an eye on his forehead. That should have scared me, but I knew what it was. It was a legendary Jagan Eye. Jaganshi. That was why he was named that.

He must have named himself. It should have scared me, but I wasn't scared, I was curious, I was amazed. The pain you had to go through to get one made them rare and dangerous indeed. Was this what he had been hiding from me? Was he afraid that it would scare me? I would have laughed, but it didn't seem like the best time. Still, it would take more then a glowing third eye to freak me out.

He was testing me. He had gotten angry because he had let me in too close. He had hurt me for some reason that only he understood and I wasn't going to try to truly understand him because I couldn't. I hadn't gone through everything he had in the same way that he hadn't gone through everything that I had. We were two very different people.

What was I waiting for? I wasn't sure. Something, I guess. My eyes traced his form, the unruly hair, the slight crease between his eyes, the bandage spinning down his arm. He looked back at me, but the contemplative look faded and I watched his expression transform into one of deep thought. He was searching for something and must have found what he was looking for. I remembered the last time he did this and I had been so certain that all he would find was hatred.

I wasn't so sure what he would find this time.

I wasn't meant to know, I guess. An unearthly screech broke that stare and a huge shadow fell over me. I looked up, panic, then something hit me in the back. My vision turned hazy and I shook my head, trying to clear it, but I was dizzy and dropped to my knees. My brain felt like mush and my head lolled, hands trying to wake me up.

My eyes closed.

Hiei, why do you look so scared?

~ To Be Continued ~

(A/N): Alright, the next part is the last part. I really hope that you all like it! I know that the story has been a bit whimsical, but it ties up alright. Thank you for all of the great support that you have all given me! I really appreciate it!

~ Nami 3


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